Feeling lonely

Hi Edith... You WILL see your grandchildren grow up.

Starting to feel lonely is natural, but in my experiences, the loneliness is created from the anxiety of being reluctant to speak to one another. Can I suggest something? Get in a take out, something you've been depriving yourself off through the want to eat healthy and ask your husband to just shut up and give you a hug. Enjoy the meal and see it as a resetting of relations. As a husband to a wife with cancer, I get very lonely too; maybe he's going through the same thing?

Hi Edith. I'm in similar position to you. I was diagnosed with OC this summer.  Have had 2 months worth of FLOT chemo which has shrunk tumor. I'm having surgery on 6th December & I'm terrified. The chemo regime is supposed to be tough one but I didn't feel too bad. Just fatigue mostly. Still managed to do light household chores and to meet friends for coffee in town. But I feel lonely as like yourself my family and some of my friends have their own problems. My husband tries to get me up and about when all I want to do is stay in bed. My anaesthetist has referred me to a pre-op keep fit program where there is a gym. I went today and I'm glad I made the effort. Perhaps some counselling would help. Ask your hospital. We also have a holistic centre attached to our hospital. I've had massage and reflexology which got rid of my headaches and Reiki healing. Perhaps those therapies would be helpful for you. I suffer from mental health probs and find it very hard to keep positive. But I DO know what its like to feel alone in this situation!! Julia

Thankyou, I’m sure he is. We are both very scared but trying to hide our fear from each other - silly I know. Hopefully, once I have a timeline and date for when my treatment starts we will both be able to calm down a bit. 

Hi adhee. I like positive remark you gave to Edith. I was diagnosed with OC this summer. I've had two months worth of chemo which has shrunk tumor and I'm having surgery on 6th December. I'm terrified and although I have been told that this is best way of getting rid of cancer, I'm still doubtful like Edith. I'm also terrified of major surgery. Last surgery was on my sinuses in 1992. I was only under anaesthetic for about an hour and was much younger and fitter then so I'm terrified I won't survive the operation. Julia

Thankyou. Mentally, I am usually quite strong but this is hard and I too am terrified. I have an appointment on Monday so will hopefully have some kind of timeline after that. Thankyou for replying and I wish you well for your operation

Hi EdithGrace, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. My Husband was diagnosed the end of last year. He he started 4 sessions of FLOT chemo in Jan, the operation in April and then another 4 sessions of FLOT starting in Jul. He's now living life as normal. He's been to the US for work, goes to the gym twice a week and is golfing again. He is careful what and how much he eats, but apart from that he says he feels fitter than he has in years. 

The limbo between finding out and starting treatment is hard. Once my husband had a detailed treatment plan he felt more in control. I wanted to be strong for him and not show any emotion, cry.... but that is not me and made him worry about me. In the end I broke down in front of him and we talked about all the things we were scared about and after that we attacked everything with positivity.

We have a 15 year old daughter, who we didn't tell until we had the treatment plan. After that we told her everything as I think her imagination would have been worse than the facts. It's natural to want to protect them, but I am sure your children want to be there for you, no matter what else they have going on.

I know it's easy for me to say, but be positive! I scared myself silly by looking at google and the stats etc.... but treatment is so much better now that 5 years ago, which a lot of these stats are based on. You are in a good position if they are offering the operation and saying that it can be cured. I have found the consultants to be quite brutal and tend to more pessimistic, rather than give false hope. Try and focus on the positive and not think to much about the "might be"

You are not alone, there are so many lovely people on here. They helped me and my husband through our lowest points, with great advise and encouragement. So lean on us.

You've got this! 

Take care, Di x

Thankyou. Sadly, the result from my PET scan was not good and it seems the cancer has spread already to my bones and liver. Having got my head round one kind of future I am now despairing that might not have a future at all. I now have to wait agai, this time for a different consultant to tell me what, if any, options I have

Julia,

I'm glad that you went through your chemo OK. My husband was the same. He had his operation in April and was out of ICU and on a ward on day 2 after the op. By day 4 he was walking several laps around the ward. He came home day 8 and was walking 2 miles a day by day 10 after the operation. Everyone is different, but he puts a lot of his recovery down to doing the pre op physio and being positive. He felt that he had no control over a lot of things, but he did over the walking, exercise etc and so he focused on that and doing everything the doctors told him to do.

Looking back at my husband's journey from first being told there was the possibility something wrong to the end of 2nd round of FLOT it took 9 months. During it, it felt like it was such a long road ahead of us, but in reality it was dealt with so quickly and now he is living a normal life again. He's spent two weeks in the US for work, back to the gym and golfing. 

It's natural to be scared, but the doctors and nurses have done this many times and are amazing and will look after you.  

Wishing you a speedy recovery after the operation. Let us know how you are getting on. Di x

I am so sorry to hear this. The waiting for details is torture.  There are stories on here of people that have been given news of spread and treatment has worked wonders. Sending positive thoughts your way and hoping that you get a treatment plan very soon x 

Hi Edith Grace,

I'm so sorry that you are on this journey.  It is a scary one for sure but is easier once you have a treatment plan. Given its spread, your oncologist will likely look at immunotherapy. There are people on the smartpatients website who were in the same position who are now NED. Hang in there! Definitely stay off Google. 

You are not alone.

Take care