New here.

Hi and a warm welcome to the Community. I just popped over from another group to say hello and assure you there will be lots of lovely people replying to your post. It's a lovely group and you're in the right place for support. My husband's oesophageal cancer was not so advanced. Looking after your mum full time you will be entitled to Carers Allowance and you can get support in the home from your local hospice; if her GP hasn't already referred her to the hospice, ask him/her to do so a.s.a.p. then you can phone them for advice too. There's not really a 'common life expectancy' as it varies so much from person to person, but not eating at all isn't good. You could try calling the helpline, on 0808 808 0000 which is manned by experts otherwise there will be plenty of lovely people along soon.

Hugs,

Hi Steve,

I've just read your post and wanted to say that i'm so sorry about your mum's diagnosis, and that i hope you are ok as you can be. 

My mum too has oesophogeal cancer, she was diagnosed in end of November, and we later found out after the PET scan that it had spread to her hip and lymph nodes in her neck. Such a shock and a devastating time finding out and coming to terms with the fact that it is inoperable. But once her chemo started in February, she has been doing much better. 

Sounds like your mum will need some help from the dietitians as she has difficulty eating. Have they been in touch with you/your mum? And sorting some appropriate pain relief for her- i hope they have prescribed something already? 

Have they said how/what treatment she will be getting? And has your mum been assigned to Macmillan nurses at the hospital? I have found my mum's Macmillan nurses so helpful and lovely. They really are there to answer your questions and help you with anything your are concerned about with your mum, so don't hesitate to ring them.  

That is so good of you to give up work so you can care for her, she is very lucky to have you. From when you wrote that post yesterday i really hope that the hospital have been in touch with her/you and they have kept you more informed with what they plan to do/sorted her medication/dietitian.    

I'm sending my thoughts and many positive vibes out to you. 

Lucinda 

...Also, i wanted to just add that i rang the Macmillan supportline last week that LoobyLoo49 wrote to you about today(0808 808 0000)- the nurse i spoke to was fantastic, she put me at ease about a lot of things and gave me some good information. It was good to speak to someone that is experienced but that doesn't know my mum. On the touch dial options i selected to speak to someone clinical- and i got to speak to a nurse, so helpful and understanding. 

Hi Lucinda

thank you for your lovely message. It was nice to hear from someone who understood what we are also going through. 

They have advised against Chemotherapy and suggested managing the symptoms and putting a stent in to help her swallow and enable her to take more solid foods. They also mentioned lymph noods and that the cancer has moved into her stomach. She hasn’t been assigned a Macmillan nurse yet but it was mentioned. 

in the current situation they are doing most consultations over the phone which isn’t really the best because it’s not very personal. My mum is 88 and they said the chemotherapy might push her the other way and make things worse. Otherwise it’s inoperable. It feel like it’s just a matter of making her comfortable and managing the symptoms until she gets very ill. It’s feel so sad. Because mum thinks she will be cured. But I’m feeling it’s going to be fatal. I really feel like I’m betraying her. And there is nothing I can do about it. 

thanks you so much for taking the trouble to write. I wish you and you mum the very best. I hope your mum will make a full recovery with the chemotherapy 

best regards 

Steve 

Hi Steve

I am sorry that you are experiencing all of this, it certainly is lot to take in and a very scary time for both you and your Mum.  

How is Mum coping at the moment?  you say that they have suggested a stent to help with the intake of solids, but has she been given any meal supplement drinks or other dietary suggestions from the dietrican?

My Husband was diagnosed in May, and after a short period of struggling with swallowing he found that after just one chemo session he was able to cope much better.  Who is it that has suggested no Chemo? in addition it is possible as Lucinda suggest to get in touch with Macmillan direct to give you more help and support. 

Best of luck to both of you 

Lowe'

Hi Lowe

thank you for taking the time to write. I hope your husband is feeling better and making progress under treatment and your care. 

mum has improved a bit. I know I cannot expect her to make a full recovery she is 88 but if I can care for her and try to give her the best I can. I feel selfish sometimes because I miss doing some of the things I did before she became ill. But on the whole I’m ok. I just take each day as it comes. We have a good hospice that supports us well and a great district nurse who is always on call. And we now have a carer come in once a day to do a wash and apply creams etc. Also it’s good for her to have someone else to talk to. 
she doesn’t really want to talk to anyone of her friends and lost a lot of interest. So I talk to everyone for her. I sometimes think they don’t understand why she won’t talk to them. But it’s just the way she has become now. 

she is so tired all the time and rarely leaves her bed. They said Chemo most likely kill her. And I tend to agree with that. She is so weak. 

so I look after her 24/7. And I will until she passes. Some days I think she has strength to last another couple of years. Other days I wonder if she will last a month. I guess you never know what the cancer is doing. Or where it’s going. 

thanks again

steve