Dad has ben told his cancer is terminal

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Sadly, my father has been told a few days ago his cancer is terminal. We were advised chemo wouldn't work and due to the location of the cancer high in his throat that they couldn't operate, radio theropy was the only shot but it didn't work and the tumor grew back quickly within a month by 1cm.

He was diagnosed in January this year. In March, he was told he had 2/3 years but things seemed to get worse quickly. He couldn't eat, lots of pain and over the last few weeks having problems breathing and talking.

My dad is now at home on palitive care.

It's devastating and it's hard for me to accept. The specialist said that they couldn't give my dad a timeline or even a rough idea on what they thought which I personally find frustrating as I need to know so I can spend as much time with him.

He is also on a steroid that reduces the swelling in his throat but he can only be on that for 1 month.

Is he looking at weeks or months? I just feel that if his time is short I would drop absolutly everything and spend every minute I can.

  • I’m so very sorry for the devastating prognosis your dad has been given and I feel for you having to look on helplessly.

    No one has the answer when it comes to how much time someone has or when will they pass. However as your dad is having palliative care, you could ask if you should take some time off to spend with your dad. 
    Don’t fear asking them as they are used to answering such questions.

    i would only add if taking time away from work would put you under financial hardship, think of your future. No amount of time spent is ever enough, but treasure every minute as though it were the last. Don’t be left with regrets, say the things you wish to say.

    x

  • Thank you for your reply. I need to have a think about what my options are at work. I just don't want to lose time that may be running out.

  • Hi Larr03

    So sorry you find yourselves in this situation with your Dad .I’m on this group as my husband is almost two years post treatment for stage 2 oesophageal cancer .
    As a family we were faced with a similar situation earlier this year .My Dad sadly passed away in August , seven weeks after his diagnosis of multiple cancers .We didn’t know how long he had either but we knew we were on a short timeline .We cared for him at home , kept him pain free with the assistance of his GP , community nurses and our Macmillan nurse .We just ensured we had as much quality time with him as possible .We listened to his favourite music , spent hours recalling happy memories from days gone by and surrounded him with love Heart It became family team work as everyone has commitments, work , children etc , we just worked around everything and made Dad our priority . It was difficult and very emotional at times but I know Dad and all of us appreciated and loved every minute of that time we spent together albeit under sad circumstances .We all knew including Dad what the outcome was going to be but we kept it as light as possible and had a few laughs too .Dad’s last words were ‘I’m a very lucky man to have the family I have and I’ve had a good innings .I couldn’t ask for anymore ‘ and then he smiled …It really does help to know in his last weeks he was happy .

    I remember the Community nurse saying that we couldn’t do it alone and you really can’t .I would suggest contacting your Dad’s GP practice explaining the situation and asking what help is available not just for now but in the weeks / months ahead .

    Regards J 

  • Thank you for replying and I'm sorry to hear the sad news. I want to spend as much time as possible with him and the family, still getting my head around it all. 

    We have had the nurses round at the house yesterday for the first time, they explained everything and they were so nice.

    It seems like we have a plan to keep him comfortable and hopefully pain free, we will need to take it one day at a time.

    Thanks