It's been nearly 8 months since diagnosis and 4 weeks since getting treatment. I've had to realise a few things...that I cannot go back to what I was doing before, that this cancer is not going away and so much has to change...
There are days I wonder if I'll get through this and stay strong. I also know that dwelling on these matters keeps me from moving forward as I've been used to knowing what is ahead.
I wasn't shocked with having cancer...but knowing it will happen and having it is two very different things. Coping with telling others and seeing thier reaction can make me laugh sometimes. They assume your like the walking dead or something might drop off, an arm or leg...lol
I tend to look at them and say, 'I'm not dead yet..!' in a joky way and I see them relax after this. One neighbour asked if it hurt and she expected some drama and gory details...but had to disappoint her.
Ppl also keep telling me to go to Solas or Daffodil centre to chat about my thoughts and meet others, but I still don't feel ready for that yet. This is the nearest I've come to talking about my journey.
May the Force be with you all
Debbie :)
Hi Debbie TKjedi, acceptance takes time but the quicker you achieve this the more freedom you will have to explore new things.
Over my 23 years with my low grade NHL I have experienced many many exciting things and yes a few lows….. but one thing for sure my drive for life and living a full life has not diminished, in fact it has become more pronounced.
Most people who have not had firsts even second hand experience of cancer just don’t get an email incurable cancer like NHL and it is hard to explain it.
Folks on the whole understand conditions like Parkinson’s, MS, diabetes….. but the word cancer has a set default - ‘you must be dying’…….. but far from it. I actually think it brings a new dimension as to how to live in the moment and filter out all the rubbish everyone things us so important.
I have to be totally honest and say that I regret not getting alongside others who have the basic same condition earlier….. I only ‘found’ our local Maggie's Centre due to being rolled (I was in a wheelchair) across by my Specialist Cancer Nurse who insisted I enroll in their weekly mens circuits group
I then started to go to a few of the groups including the Heamatology group and it has been great fir me but also for others as I can share my lived experiences.
Hi Mike...
I understand...it was one of the first things I learned to understand that I needed to change and it's only starting to become clear to me. I thought I was waiting to get the all clear but I was actually just afraid to accept and move on and was using excuses not to try. My weight and fitness has always been an issue... I'm starting to change that now..
No more excuses and I can'ts 
Debbie 
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