Don't know how to feel

I'm sorry you are struggling. I know it can be a shock. Like you I didn't really react to my diagnosis and just got on with things. Sometimes the anticipation of how we were going to react in the moment can be greater than the actual experience. I know its really difficult but try to just be in this moment. If you feel your mental health is being impacted then make sure you speak to your doctor. I suffer from low mood and can slip into a deeper depression and understanding that these feelings are a normal reaction and not the deep dark place that we are afraid of. Try taking one day at a time. I don't know what you do for work but can your attendance be a bit more ad hoc and you go in for less hours, a bit later or not at all from day to day? or if it's a mental rather than physical stuggle you might find it more helpful to be busy so your not constantly ruminating  take few minutes to yourself if you feel the anxiety rising. 

I am now cancer free so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The staff will look after you. Lean on family if you can they won't mind and will want to feel like they are helping you. Only you can decide what's best for you but as I have experience of antidepressants I can relate to your not knowing if you want to breakdown or be angry or not, remember they affect our mood and I personally felt that they made me feel like I didn't really feel anything. Happy or sad, just an even keel, as with every life experience it comes in waves. I know its a cliche but stay in the moment if you feel your getting anxious, sad, scared, worried then take a few moments to steady yourself, inhale and exhale slowly and feel whatever it is your feeling, acknowledge it and go back to whatever you were doing. You will come out the other side and you will be OK. Good luck to you

Good Morning.

May I firstly commiserate with your diagnosis. It's not one that any contributor here wants in their lives but it is one we somehow have to find a way to integrate to our "now".

The only thing I would suggest is that there is no specific "way" to feel about it in my view. "Keep Calm and Carry On" may actually be right for you.

It is possible though that this being a very new diagnosis, that you're still thinking about the facts and process of treatment, and not as yet had time to really consider what the emotional impact on you is as yet. By that you've not necessarily asked yourself the question "Just what am I feeling about this?" rather than the "should" as you've mentioned.

Perhaps contact the cancer support teams to set up a few 1 to 1s if available may be an outlet? That should appear in literature you receive during treatment. Does whoever you work for provide Employee Assistance in terms of advice lines/counselling? A trusted friend/relative/faith counselor/GP perhaps may all give you options to consider vocalising all this too.

In vocalising it can connect you to the very emotions you suggest are absent to you at present (there's every likelihood they are there), but do it in a "safe" environment where there is no judgement. There can't be as these are YOUR feelings on the matter and you more than anyone have the right to them in your case.

HTH and good luck with the PBT. Wishing you good health to come both physically and emotionally.

Thank you so much for replying and well done on being cancer free.

It's almost like I feel selfish for feeling like this, when so many are going through so much more.

Think I just have to go a long for the ride and see how it goes. 

I know they have caught it early, so that is a blessing.

Even when your free of cancer are totally able to get it out of your mind?

Thank you, I work for a vets so I'm sure there is help available.

I don't think I've quite taken it all in yet, and I read the surgery, is the worse part to have markers sewn in. So at least that's all over with.

This support group is amazing and I will continue to read posts.

Thank you again for replying