New member but been at the OM thing for a little while

Hi Nairobiguy welcome to the forum..The first thing I wanted to say to you is it's OK for big boys to cry and it's also OK to not be ok. Life is very cruel at times and often deals us crap when we least expect it. I think it's to push us to see how we cope. You really do need to talk to someone if nothing else but to reassure you that all that is happening is stressful but you are still you. You could also ask the Macmillan Line if you called about your wife and her situation as they can also advise about duch situations. Please think about picking up that phone and talking to someone I promise you you will feel better having gotten it all out to someone. 08088080000. Sending my very best wishes your way for now. Gail

You look to have a mass of things hitting you simultaneously. I would expect you have various Macmillan details from your health provision. Maybe approach them by email to get an F2F appointment if possible?

However, given all that you have mentioned, if they can only offer telephone (or maybe Team/Zoom?) then I suggest don't leave it to long and take the option.

Wishing you positive things for some changes.

BR

Thank you, I will reach out to them.

I'm glad you joined the group on here and wish all the best to you and your wife. There are a lot of lovely people on here with OM and even though I had tried Macmillan in the past year, I gave up hunting for the right forum/chickened out but I am glad I tried again, because this time round I hunted harder and found an OM group and there is some really good help and advice. My story and timeline is very similar to yours and others, they found it in early 2020, I was treated in 2024, (like many others, due to covid delays) and I am 57. Take good care. It sounds as if you are incredibly sad as you have delayed grief? You need to perhaps still mourn for your lost eye before you move on, if that makes sense. Is that what people need to do I imagine when they lose an eye? I'm not sure! 

Hello, many thanks for the reply - what you said hit a nerve as I never thought of it as grieving before and it made me think of something else.  My Mum was living in Cape Town and she used to come and visit us and my Sister in the US, taking turns. When we did not have her visit I used to Skype her just about every day. When Covid hit we could not get to visit her or her to come here (obviously she was not allowed, and we would have had to pay for the expensive hotel quarantine). She passed away in feb 2022 and I had not seen her since before I was diagnosed.  I was not able to go to Cape Town until this year where we spread her ashes.

Sorry this paragraph might not be written the best, but I struggled to get it out!

Hi, 

I am SO sorry to hear all that. So you have much more to grieve for than the loss of your own eye. All that covid stuff was so destructive to so many, and I am so sorry that you lost your Mum before you could see her and tell her about everything that was going on with you. Please be easy on yourself and take your time. I know one thing which is very important, grieving has to be done in a set order, you can't rush it or skip stages. Take your time, and live in the present moment as best you can without thinking of the past or the future (easier said than done I know.) Thanks for sharing. I wish you all the best. 

I read this - "Each of the five stages of grief, which include (but aren't limited to) denial, anger, bargaining (trying to make deals with either yourself or a higher power, such as God or something (or someone) bigger than ourselves, so you can hang onto some form of hope), and acceptance, involves a period of time where a person adjusts to the idea of the loss they have experienced.

It is important to note that the five stages of grief do not occur in a specific order. Just because they are numbered below does not mean that’s how a person experiences them during grieving. In fact, the stages can come in any order and even return before one of the other stages even occur.

During the stages of grief, it may manifest itself in different ways. You may cry, experience headaches, and have difficulty sleeping and/or eating. There may be a point where you question your spiritual beliefs or detach yourself from family or friends. It can seem challenging to work or feel productive because you feel fatigued or experience aches and pains. Along with all this, there are feelings of guilt, anger, and stress.

As we go through each of the stages, keep in mind that the grieving process is different for everyone, including what you may feel compared to a friend or sibling who shares that loss with. There is no right way to grieve or standard process or timeframe, either."

Maybe that will help a tiny bit.

Thanks, I hugely appreciate your messages.

No problem, I am glad to help, that's what this place is for!