I am so worried

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I don't think chemo has worked well for my mum, I am so worried about her now. So she's stage 4 diagnosed in July, cervical tumor 10cm and it has spread to lungs, liver, pelvis area and bones. She's been up and down, two hospital admissions which resulted in blood transfusions. Chemo delays but has had 3 now and due her half way point scan next week. She's been very loose for a week now which isn't her as most of the time it's been constipation issues. However last two days she's had alot of blood from her bottom. Spoke on the phone to her consultant yesterday and he thinks with how poorly she's been and now the blood that chemo hasn't worked but can't say 100% until the scan. I broke down yesterday as I just have a horrible gut feeling. I think my mum has totally accepted it as she's not emotional now or anything and she heard the consultant on the phone as he spoke to us both and she said well I didn't think it would actually work. 

However with this blood I am worried and the consultant says to keep an eye on it but she's best resting at home. That's ok but I am terrified of what I will go into every time I visit which is 4 times a say. District nurse visit once a week and that's it. 

Do you think it's time to get more nurses on board and to step up. 

Thanks x

  • Hi 

    I’m sorry to read your update-I remember when you first posted about your mum and I’ve wondered how you were getting on.

    I know you’re doing as much as you can for your mum, but it does sound as if you need some more help now. The hope with chemo at your mum’s stage is that it can help hold back the disease and help with symptoms, but sometimes it can become too much and it can be kinder not to continue with it if it is not helping. I assume a decision will be made after the scan when the oncologist can see whether it is actually doing anything.

    I think maybe you need to contact the gp in the first instance to see if some extra care can be arranged-they should be able to get palliative care involved and have your mum’s needs assessed to see how best to help. You haven’t mentioned your mum being in pain, so I hope that’s the case but they can also help with pain management. 

    I know the feeling of going round and being scared of what you might find as I’ve been through that myself, and it puts you in a high state of alert and worry which is so mentally tiring. My mum was too proud to have extra help, so only had the district nurse once a week, but on one occasion when I went round in the morning she had fallen and I wasn’t able to get her back to bed. The district nurses did come and help when I called them, but I wished I had done more.

    Is anyone else in the family helping you? You must be physically and mentally exhausted as the time goes on-this is a huge amount to cope with. I think you need more medical help to try and ease your burden a little and make sure your mum has the care she now needs. If you can, I’d try to contact her gp today to explain the situation and see how they can help you. Sending you a big virtual hug this morning.

    Sarah xx


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  • Thank you for replying  I didn't go on my phone much yesterday and spent the whole day with her. We had a telephone conversation with the st barnabas nurses and even though mum is still saying she's not at the stage for them to come and help out she is happy for a nurse to come next week. District nurses visit weekly and I will speak to them when they come next week too. I also spoke to her doctor as she wanted me to about increasing her pain medication so that's been sorted but I still feel I am stuck. My auntie helps us out too and she tries to make sure I get some time out with my own two girls so we went swimming today which was lovely but then I felt guilty not being with mum much.

    Her scan is Tues and I think we could hear back from her consultant quite quickly after that.

    I am trying to keep her as strong as possible and getting her to stand up and even just move in the spot, she hates it but I need her not to give in although I can understand she must be feeling like absolute hell xx

  • Gosh  

    It’s a lot to cope with, and very difficult for you to feel you are striking the right balance between caring for your mum and looking after your own girls. Please try not to feel guilty for having some time out to do something nice-it’s very much needed for you.

    It’s good for you to know the nurse is coming out and that you’ve sorted increased pain meds, so I hope your mum will feel a bit more comfortable. I can understand you wanting your mum to be as strong as possible, but it may be difficult for her to do much right now so you might need to just accept that and let her do what she can. Even a little bit of moving about is helpful.

    The scan results will hopefully come quite quickly as the consultant will want to know what’s going on before more chemo sessions. You’re doing an amazing job here, please remember that.

    Sarah xx


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