I was recently told that I have stage 1a cervical cancer - but I should be grateful it was picked up so early. I can’t help but feel anything but lucky. I really want to be optimistic, but I worry about the future and I’m struggling to have faith in the process given my journey so far.
A brief summary: I am 33 years old, received the HPV vaccination at 17 and have been with my now husband since I was 18. Following the birth of our child in 2020, I had a routine smear to be told that I had high risk HPV. I was shocked. I couldn’t understand how this could happen - I’d been vaccinated, had one partner for 10+ years. How could this happen when 90% of people clear the virus within 2 years? I was told that I likely caught it before the vaccination, and sometimes it can lie dormant for many years.
Over the next few years I paid for private tests, convinced the HPV would disappear. Perhaps giving birth had “triggered” it, but every year it returned a positive result. I queried with the GP to be told that some people just can’t clear it, probably due to an autoimmune disease (which I don’t have, to my knowledge).
Since then, I’ve worried. Worried I can’t clear it, worried that I never will and that some day it’ll come to haunt me. That day has arrived. I asked the GP if they could bring forward my 3 yearly smear, to be told no. I paid privately, the results returned “abnormal cells - borderline changes”. This led to a colposcopy, those results returned CIN 3. This led to a LEETZ procedure, I was asked to come in face to face, and was told that it was stage 1a cervical cancer, and I’d need a further LEETZ to ensure it’s removed. That’s due to take place in the next week.
Of course I am grateful for its early detection - although I fear what would have happened had I not trusted my gut and gone private. But I worry for the future. I can’t clear this HOV infection, and I’ve been told that if abnormal or cancerous cells returned, we would consider hysterectomy. My family isn’t complete, and I worry about the future. I can’t help but feel like this is an inevitable outcome, I’m just waiting to happen.
Any advice would be appreciated - I admire the positivity and strength of the people in this community when I read their stories.
Hi Bris1725 and welcome to our group.
I’m sorry to read about the level of worry you’re going through with all of this.
I appreciate you don’t feel lucky because you’ve had a cancer diagnosis, but it is very early and stage 1a is a tiny cancer, so small it needs a microscope to see it. Hopefully a further LLETZ will remove it completely.
While most people can rely on their immune system to get on top of the hpv virus, sometimes it does persist and it’s not something that has a cure. The hope is that the immune system clears it and makes it dormant, and for the vast majority this is the case and it doesn’t cause any further damage.
I’d try to concentrate on your situation at present. You have an upcoming LLETZ appointment which will hopefully remove the cancer, and there is every chance you will not experience this again. It’s honestly not helpful for you to be thinking of the “what ifs” and the possibility of a hysterectomy in the future. That may never need to happen, and your vigilance in paying for private tests should ensure that anything in the future would be picked up very quickly.
You don’t have long to wait for your appointment, and then you’ll have a wait for the results and be tested again to make sure everything has been removed. I can’t stop you from worrying, but I’d encourage you to try and think positively about the fact that a minor procedure could remove everything without requiring further treatment. I hope you’ll let us know how it goes, and that everything will be fine.
Sarah xx
