Not doing great ....

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When 1st diagnosed from screening mammo to say small lump 9mm transfered to local hospital then diagnosed with lymph nodes involvement 2 at moment. A week yesterday had lumpectomy and lymph node clearance. Between diagnose and operation all ok continued working very positive and cheerful(I work in NHS) but now just totally fed up, can't stop crying. Hubbys off work at moment he's in remission for cancer and recovering from accident. I'm on anti depressants and anti anxiety and gp has just given me sleeping tablets. I walk at least once a day to try to clear head and get exercise and fresh air. I'm still quite sore. I'm normally a doer running here there and everywhere. Normally love Christmas but no decorations this year we can't get up in loft. Sick of Christmas although I got all Xmas shopping done before op and they are all wrapped. Why am I so depressed I'm lucky operated quick oncologist apt 14th so hope to start treatment but only seeing black at moment 

  • These feelings can creep up on you then hit you hard so please don’t be hard on yourself. It’s understandable given everything you and your husband have been through. I’m really impressed you are getting yourself out for a walk everyday. I’m nearly 3 weeks post op and only managed less than half an hour in a shop the other day before I had to go a sit down! It is hard when you want to be doing things and I’ve found out I wasn’t as patient as I thought I would be. Sending big virtual hugs from a stranger. 

  • Hi  , you’ve had so much to deal with, and a week post op is really no time at all. Well done for getting out at all! Be patient and kind with yourself, I think we all have a tendency to present our situation as ‘lucky’ when actually having cancer at all really sucks! And the situation with your husband isn’t going to help either. You’re also in that horrible limbo stage, waiting for the next part of your treatment. I found all of the waiting hard, always felt better to get started with whatever came next. And 
    I was outwardly saying very positive things to friends and family- small lump, early stage, very treatable…. But inwardly churning and feeling very lonely. And not lucky! Glad you’ve found the forum though - it’s a club that none of us wanted to join, but I’ve found it a great place for support and shared experiences. I lurked in the background for quite a while before plucking up the courage to post. But I’m still rattling round the site 6 years later! 
    You could also look at support from places like Maggie’s Centres if there’s one near you. I eventually went to my nearest one a year after diagnosis and found it really helpful. If you’re near London, Future Dreams in Kings Cross has some great sessions, in person and also online. 
    Wishing you well, sending love and a big virtual hug. Xxx

    HappyFeet1 xx
    Don’t be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts. – Hopi