Breast Cancer - the gift that keeps on giving...

• I am not in your position Chris but I just wanted to reach out and give you a hug. Seeing your mum die of cancer must have been awful and left you very scared and nervous but there are a lot of treatments out there. You can look at my profile. I had chemo and found it doable. If you have support I think that helps. Hope you get lots of replies and some supportive advice. Do also contact the Macmillan nurses, they are great xx

Hi Rozalia thank you so much for the hug - right back at ya! 

I do take the positives from every appointment - my current one is that my Aunt had exactly the same as me but 35-40 years ago and she is 80 years old now. Treatment has come such a long way since she was diagnosed. Mum had other cancer too but lived to 79 years again treatment has moved forward in the 8 years since she passed. Thank you so much and glad you are on the mend. I agree the Macmillan nurses are awesome. I have so much respect for them. Thank you for reaching out xx 

I’m currently waiting disgnosis and also terrified of chemo. I delayed having a lump checked so distraught  I thought it was a underwire injury. I attended the same chemo ward with my dad 3 years ago and watched him die. Tge thoughts f going through the doors of that ward again is destroying me , I don’t want to leave my husband and kids and I don’t want to put them through what I went through, two friends has chemo 3 years ago for breast cancer and sailed through, i fear its too late for me , Tasmanian devil is great example.

You’re young you’re strong. You will get strength 

Hi Redcar, thank you for your message. The odd thing is it's not my mum or Aunt's cancer that has caused my terror of chemo. I've always for as long as I've been aware of cancer been scared of chemo. I don't know why. You are young and have your beautiful kids and husband to kick the ass of the squatter residing in your body. Please go get your lump checked out. It could be a cyst and easily sorted. I'm with you all the way virtually holding your hand. Please get checked out. You made my day telling me I'm young - I was 60 in June. If I have to put on my big girl pants and do this then so do you lovely. Let's get through this together. 

Sending you lots of love and hugs - I'm here anytime you need a chat, rant etc., You are definately not on this journey alone xx

Hi Chris, sorry to hear that your Onco score was high.I wasn’t offered this as considered low risk so can only imagine how distressing it has been.  Isn’t it strange how one minute we are all tootling along and then suddenly wham bam the rug gets pulled from underneath us.  I am 9 weeks post lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy. I am currently going through one of my low periods. Like you I wake up to go to loo, usually about 2 or 3 then struggle to go back to sleep. Woke again at 5 and that is it, awake for another day of feeling tired. Only you can decide what treatment route to take, there is no right or wrong way. Just let us know what you decide and we will all be with you to offer support.

Evajean xx

Hi EvaJean you are so right. From being recalled for second mammogram which I thought would be for my left side (previous problems with cysts) to being told it was my right side and three areas I was blindsided and the rest of this journey has just been like having the Tazmanian Devil come stir things up and then Bam! I knew back in August when this started that I would be having radio and hormone suppressants no mention at all of chemo - but age is against me and score came back as 49 so it has been recommended to have chemo - for the first time on Tuesday since this started I had a few tears at the thought of chemo - I have the same reaction to spiders as I do to the thought of me having chemo don't know why or how it started. I did kind of feel like I was cornered and didn't have a choice at the time. I'm still not happy about it. But I have gone through both treatments reading about the reactions and side effects. I've made a decision but not sure at the moment when I will be seeing oncologist next as I am now waiting to see my surgeon again. My oncologist is over the other side of town to where I had my surgery just to make things simple - not! I've not yet been to bed just wasn't tired so today I will try and stay the course until bedtime and hope I get a proper night sleep. In between replying on here I've done my online shopping order for tomorrow, sorted out my washing and cleaned the kitchen just having a cup of tea watching the sky getting lighter. Hope your low period disappears quickly for you. Here if you want a chat. 

Chris xx

Oh I do feel for you.  I remember the horror it that post op meeting and suddenly being told my cancer was locally advanced and in 20 lymph nodes and that I needed accelerated chemo rather than the radio I was expecting and what I thought I had got my head around in terms of treatment wasn’t going to happen.  It was a 3-4 week wait but 2 used to be the norm… I’ve now finished 4 lots of EC and 4 of Paclitaxel - and I’m getting ready for radio next week.  I’d honestly suggest allowing yourself to feel the upset and acknowledge it’s ok to feel that way, to have odd sleep patterns and be kind to yourself about it. It’s part of the grieving process. I felt belittled and talked down to when I was asked “why are you so upset - don’t you know anyone who’s had chemo” because yes, I do, and no, they weren’t cured.  This is a great place for advice and support and everyone’s journey and experience is different - do enjoy your gin - I didn’t lose much of my sense of taste but wine was disgusting which worked out ok for me as my liver function was affected so that was probably for the best. I’m now enjoying it again after just three weeks… when you’re feeling in a more planning/positive mode try to think about things you can do during the time you are resting up - a list of things you’d like to binge watch for example, but would never normally have time.  If people offer to help accept it - they want to because they care but they won’t know what to do - a meal to freeze, lending you books/magazines to read during chemo (saves a fortune and you get to try books you’d never buy and chemo can be boring), or I’ve asked a lot of people for a “rain check” to take me out for coffee when I feel better - I’m just starting to calm them in now and it’s really helping me get out with my new very short hair and lack of lashes/brows and build confidence.  I did withdraw during chemo - I expected the worst and it was not as bad for me as I expected, but I wanted to know if I needed that day to sleep it off I could - bring brave for other people is exhausting.  It’s time ti do something many of us will not have done before - put yourself first - it gets into a rhythm with chemo and honestly I was surprised how quickly it passed.  The loveliest thing that happened - hottest day of the year and I was so tired and uncomfortable and my elderly neighbour rang on the doorbell with a magnum as she’d been thinking of me … people are so kind.  

Hi Lablover. Having read your lovely message I have to confess that since the very first appointment I went on my own. I was expecting something totally different at that first meeting. Instead I was told I had cancer and from then I knew I wanted to do the appointments solo (I'm single so no partner anyway) I didn't want anyone coming with me who either would be emotional on my behalf or who felt sorry for my diagnosis. That might seem selfish to some people but I just needed to do it. One of my oldest friends lives in Scotland my very own Queen's Royal Nurse she offered to fly down to attend appointments with me bless her. I've taken every appointment on the chin and just rolled with it until Tuesday. I had got my head around having radio and hormone suppressants didn't give any thought to chemo as I was told all cancer was removed with a good margin and lymph node was clear. Bit of a shocker that it is recommended to be honest. Got my head around it now and know what route I'm going down. My neighbours and I have a book swopping circle and I've got my trusty kindle to hand - my next door neighbour keeps an eye on me bless she's in her 70's but pops in and texts me I've also got good friends who cook for me and cake dates feature in the local coffee shop. By the sounds of things you have an equally kind neighbour too. I'm just waiting to hear when my chemo date is then I will go to hairdressers to have my hair cut into a much shorter pixie style have bought myself a couple of slouchy sparkly hats not sure I'm gonna like being brow less or losing my naturally long eyelashes. Thanks so much for putting me at ease about chemo - christmas is certainly going to be different this year eh? I've still got to tell everyone the latest news - building myself upto it. Wish me luck with that

Glad you are over half way with the EC and coping with your new normal. 

Chris xx 

Hi Chris. I was like you told radiotherapy after surgery but once op done and lymph nodes removed as I had ten positive they broke the news that chemo was now in the mix. It like you was my biggest fear and losing my hair was just another road to travel down. 

However I had my first chemo Dec13th last year so with Covid being quite rampant then I had to be careful over Christmas which was tough especially as the one before I had just lost my mum. 

Once on the plan I had x6 3 weekly I set myself little targets like by the end of January I was half way. This seemed to help. Once my hair began falling out which I have to say happened very quickly by new year I gave my husband the clippers and did the dead and kissed goodbye to my blonde bob. Felt kind of glad it was Winter as hat wearing was the new me. I finished this rough ride in April and began the next one in May, x15 radiotherapy. Still having a few probs and on meds for several years which side effects of these aren't wonderful.

I am here looking forward to doing Christmas things I haven't done for last two years and having family time. Oh and I now have dark blonde curly short hair I have never had curls before ha ha! 

Good luck if I can do this so can you we really don't get a choice but take it a day at a time xx ️

Hi Janemb yes bit of a shocker to be told they got all the cancer with a good margin and lymph node clear to then be told a sample was sent to the USA to be checked and then onco score suggesting chemo. Far cry from the radio and hormore suppressants. Got my head round all that now waiting for date to start once I've been re checked over by surgeon so I can make appointment at hair dressers to have my hair cut shorter pending fallout which I'm having a wobble over. Just glad that it's Autumn/Winter and I can wear hats until I come to term with things. I've just been looking at wigs first instinct was to go for a salt and pepper bob - a style I used to have or maybe even get a colour maybe a brown lol decisions, decisions. I am opting for the 6 x 3 weekly there seems to be less side effects for me taking into account my diabetes and fibromyalgia. Was your radiotherapy 15 x 3? So sorry to hear about your mum. Covid has messed a lot of things up hasn't it? I had a fall last year and apparently have a miniscus tear but can't have treatment until my BC treatment finished - think I just need putting in a bag and shaking up theres bits of me failing everywhere. My hair is naturally curly - wonder what it will be post treatment? Great to hear you are looking forward to Christmas - have the best time. 

I'm just resigned to the fact there's a rocky road ahead I just want to know the date it will start. I have theatre tickets booked for Jan and March and a flight that was booked before Covid that had to keep being moved that will all need to be cancelled... living in hope that I can make it to Gabrielle's concert in Cardiff in October - finger's crossed. 

Have the most fantastic Christmas and good luck on the rest of your journey. 

Chris xx