Wife going through diagnosis

Hi Bobbo welcome to the forum and I am  so very sorry to hear how worried that you are. Its ok to feel scared, you wouldn't be human if you didnt and I think its the uncertainty of what might be that's the issue, and we all go through that and its the pits the waiting.

we all also get the random pains elsewhere and our minds run away with us and again that's normal, but not good either so the tip is to keep really busy until those results come in and I assure you that you will both feel better when you  know exactly what it is that you are dealing with and what the plan is  going forward.  I know that sounds strange saying that you will feel relief if the news is not as you had hoped, but at least you know then what it is you are dealing with and deal with it you will, in the best way that you can.

We are here for you both every step of the way and will be thinking of  you so please do come back and let us know how you get on? 

Sending some hugs for you both for now. x

Hi Bobbo, I’m sorry to hear your news. I echo the words of GRANNY59. The waiting is awful. It’s the shock, the uncertainty, the lack of control. It is a very frightening time, for both of you. Once you know what you are dealing with, and how the  medical team is going to treat your wife, you do strangely feel better. Again, it’s that control thing. You write as a caring husband who wants to support your wife and stay strong. It’s hard to say what to do, but staying busy, as mentioned above, is useful. Your wife may want to talk about it some days, and on other days she may not want to talk about it at all. She may need a hug sometimes, and on other days withdraw. It’s really hard to predict - but you will know her best. One useful thing you could do is to become an informed husband. Once you have the diagnosis, perhaps read about that type of breast cancer and the treatment. Perhaps seek out a local support group for yourself and your wife for later on. She might feel better talking to others with the same diagnosis - it will help her feel less alone. If your wife needs extra scans (very likely an MRI at least) and other treatment (surgery or chemotherapy) then it’s helpful to have full cupboards and freezers. Perhaps prepare for that now … that will be useful whatever. 
Yes, do let us know how you get on. This is a kind and supportive forum, and there are always several people on here who will at some point have had the same diagnosis (or a very similar one), the same treatments etc, and so you can always ask lots of questions. Take care now. X

H so hard for you both and the waiting is awful. Once plan in place and begin treatment it feels a little better knowing you are in the road to dealing with your diagnosis. I would insist on lymph node check as was told I had no lymph node involvement and an MRI scan queried a node and after biopsy result there was. But better to know for sure and sort it all at once if that was the case.Her stomach may be anxiety as Imy mind went crazy and every little ache or pain anywhere was cancer but not the case. 

Try to reassure be there for your wife and fight it together. She may have some tough times but stay positive if you can as it really helps. I had 2 tumors 1 x 1 cm and 1x 6cm plus lymph node involvement. after surgery/ chemo and radiotherapy I am out the other side and as we speak cancer free. 

Don't give up and ask for answers to your questions write down what you want to know and don't be afraid to push for scans tests etc.Hope all is not as bad as it seems and you can do this . I didn't think I could but I did   Take care x

Sorry to hear of yours and your wife’s plight! I found a lump in my left breast in 2018 and was told (after 2 aspirations, similar  to a biopsy, on two separate occasions) that it was not malignant. However, almost 4 YEARS later, the lump was still there, so I went back to the breast clinic only to be told it was in fact cancer. Anyway, that was in November 2021 and I’m now, apparently, cancer free after a mastectomy (it could have been a lumpectomy, but the position and size of the tumour made this untenable), I had no lymph node involvement (as they suspected following the initial scans). So nobody knows what the outcome will be, there’s every chance of it being extremely treatable, the majority of cases are! I don’t want to give you false hope, only to let you know that it’s absolutely likely that all will be well. Best of luck to you both xxx

So sorry to hear your wife is potentially facing cancer. I am 35 and a mum to a 2 year old so I can understand how hard it can be to be diagnosed young with young kids too. As others have said, the waiting is the worst...you will probably find that they want to do further tests too so be prepared for that. Try to stay busy but be kind to yourselves, it is really hard to deal with this sort of stress. 

I hope the test results come back clear but please feel free to reach out if you want to talk more. I got my diagnosis mid June and start chemo next week. Once they give the diagnosis, things tend to ramp up and go quicker. Sending virtual hugs to you, your wife and family xx

Thanks you all so much for replying. I haven't really got anyone else to speak to as she wants to keep this secret and we are trying to keep our two little boys as normal as possible though my 8 year old has asked me if something is wrong as mummy isn't her normal self. She breaks down to me  saying she doesnt want to die and leave us.I just feel like I have a massive cloud hanging over me. Going for biopsy results Thursday.  She has asked me to go in myself so I can relay the information back to her as I feel the consultants we have seen haven't really got that much tact. I'm just consumed by some negative thoughts that it's going to be spread and just so angry that the original consultant we saw didn't do a biopsy. We just listened to me and I feel I should have pressed them to do it I just didn't know about these things. He just said it was all fine. If we had diagnosis then the lump would of been a lot smaller. I think due to the size it's going to be stage 3 at best. I'm just praying no worse. Sorry for this post just been building up last few days. Your posts have given me hope  and that's what I need.

Bobby, we all feel like we’ve been told “we’re going to die” on the initial diagnosis; I think that goes for 99% of the people on this forum! But that’s rarely the case. The vast majority of us come through it, the vast majority! It’s not the easiest of journeys, but it’s do-able. It certainly does help to try stay positive (easier said to than done sometimes). Best of luck to you and your family…. She’ll beat this with your support xxxx

Hi Bobbo it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed. The waiting for results really is the hardest. I found I had all sorts of stuff going through my head (most of it worst case scenario stuff). I would recommend that you both go to the appointment to get results if you can. I found that I almost shut down when they started talking to me and having another person with me really helped as they were able to pick up on some of the stuff I missed. I'm so sorry to hear that your previous interactions with the medical professionals haven't been great. You may not see the same person this time though if that helps at all? If you or your wife want to talk more please feel free to reach out on here or via private message. Sending virtual hugs to you both x

Hi Bobbo

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear that your wife is facing a breast cancer diagnosis.  There's a family and friends forum that you can join as well to get support from others that are in your situation.  You might find that a help as well as here.  The following is the link: Family and friends - Discussion Forum.

Wishing you and your wife the best of luck on Thursday.

Best wishes

Daisy53

Hello Bobbo..  that is so sad to hear. Please don't get consumed with what ifs. You will both need all your energy to deal with the treatment to come.

I had quite a large spread of ductal breast cancer picked up from routine screening.  I'm an old gal so lucky I've had regular screening.  I was stage 2 as it was found in lymph nodes under my arm but after scanning it had not spread anywhere else. Be prepared to go for many more scans and tests. It can feel intense and overwhelming as in my experience there were weeks where I had something everyday.  

To reduce the mass I had chemotherapy before surgery so don't be alarmed if that happens rather rushing to operate. In my case the chemotherapy worked and reduced the mass. It made the difference between the original prognosis of a mastectomy and the lumpectomy I had at the end. After operation biopsy showed no cancer cells so for me the chemo worked. 

There's no getting away from treatment being horrible. I couldn't have done it without my other half; he made all the difference. He's been brilliant. You will be too. There will be bad days, and worse ones still but there's also good days too. You will need the support of your family and friends who can make all the difference. We are here online if you need our support. Someone will always respond. One step at a time will get you through this. Good luck & best wishes. x