flat or not

Hi Cupcake, I had a double mastectomy with implants in November followed by chemotherapy which I am 2/3 way through (the surgery was a lot less stressful than the chemo!).  I am 63, widowed and my children are grown up so my decision-making process will have been completely different to yours, but I felt that I did not want to be flat.  I stood in front of the mirror, squished my breasts down (not easy, I was a 42DD) and then thought about the clothes I liked wearing and the things I like doing and whether I would feel just as confident if I had a completely different body shape.

Once I had my own thoughts in mind I talked it through with my sister and a close female friend.  I don't know if you have a partner, I did not although if he had still been alive he would have been involved in the decision too, but I felt I needed to discuss it with another woman, someone I knew and trusted and who could understand from a female perspective and could imagine how it might feel to look down and see nothing, or to be with a partner, or on the beach or dressed up glam to go out.

You should also talk to your surgeon, it is possible to have reconstruction at a later stage and many women either choose this route at the start or change their mind after surgery and opt for it later, although I have to say that it was definitely in my mind that if NHS waiting lists carry on growing would I keep being pushed back as a low priority if I followed that route.

As I said at the beginning, my situation was completely different to yours, I just wanted to tell you the thought process I went through and how I made my decision. We are not defined by how we look, but if it is constantly in our mind, if it affects our behaviour then eventually it does define us, it's not about the mental strength to do one thing, it's about being able to look past the nightmare we are in at the moment and making the right decision in the long term.

Good luck with your decision, it is a big one but whatever you decide it will be the right thing for you x

Prior to surgery I predicted I would really feel the loss of the breasts, but I didn't want the added complexity, so I decided to go flat. I am still surprised by how little I actually do miss them now they're gone.

I think you need detailed information on exactly what you can expect from either option. The best source for that would be the surgeon. They cannot predict every eventuality, but they should be able to give some idea of what recovery might be like with either option. If you are going to ask about that, check also what types of reconstruction are available to you, and what, if any, time limitation is involved or maintenance is required after recovery.

Since you mentioned BRCA2, have you been offered anything with regard to ovaries?

I had a single mastectomy was n my left side and reduction on my right side in Feb 2022, I am 43, although not as young as yourself cupcake, I can relate to having two daughters who are in their teens so this was a decision I had to make to about reconstruction (prior I was 42E). This is a personal decision only you can make, but remember you can have delayed reconstruction and immediate reconstruction, which you can also change if you want further reconstruction at a later date, don’t be forced into a Decision being made by the surgeon, my BCN was amazing and supported me the whole way through and was able to talk to the surgeon and revisit what I wanted as they did want to just do the mastectomy and implant, they had not considered show it would look with one large breast which was on my mind.

Goodluck to you and try to stay positive, you are on the road to recovery and this groups is very helpful in being able to speak to others who have similar experiences x

Thank you very much

That's exactly how I am feeling the added complexity. 

I am having my ovaries out when I am 45. They do not want to do it before because of the consequences of taking them out. 

Yeah, I get it about them saying wait until you are 45, it makes perfect sense to me.

About the breasts, that's the thing... hard to know in advance how we would react after. On the one hand, I don't want to push you towards going flat based just on my own reaction, but similiarly I don't want you to feel pushed to have a reconstruction, or an early reconstruction, based on fearing the opposite reaction. 

If you find yourself reacting badly to the breasts being gone, is there an option to go back in sooner rather than later to do the reconstruction part? Basically I am asking how soon after doing just the mastectomy would they be prepared to do a reconsturction, separately, should you want one. Knowing the answer to that could give you a "safety net" should you decide to go flat at first and see how things are.