How do you control the thoughts in your head?

Hello and welcome to the club no one wanted to join.  It's so hard being told you have cancer as you have many decades of hearing it's a death sentence yet with modern  medicine for many it's a curable or a chronic illness that you LIVE with.  

You are in the early stage where you grieve your previous care free, pre cancer life .  We all know life wasn't really carefree but rose coloured specs etc. As your treatment moves forward for most mentally it becomes calmer.  They are actively treating you with the aim to rid your body of cancer.   Presently you struggling with the shock of diagnosis and peoples reactions.  The well meaning head tilting family & friends who inadvertently play down your diagnosis with "you'll be fine" and stories of people who made it.  They do it with kindness but it can make you feel you can't discuss your worries and that you're being over dramatic.  This where this site is so good.  We all get "it".  It's a safe place for you to voice your thoughts.  We've all had the middle of the night worry gremlins come visit.  There is a chemo thread you might find useful.  Link below 

Chemo thread

If you click on members name you will go their profile which tell yo their story xx

Hi kate

i can’t advise but feel exactly the same. I feel so angry that, at every step of the way, the prognosis has worsened for me. The biopsy suggested it was grade 2, node negative. I am now grade 3 and four nodes after surgery and feel hopeless. My surgeon told me not to count the two micromets ones and then the oncologist yesterday said I should. Too many mixed messages.  Only 39 and young children. My heart breaks every time I look at them. People tell me to keep positive and I want to punch them. It’s the first thing I think of every morning and, like you, haven’t started chemo yet (starts this Thursday). Burying my head in the sand ovef the hair loss and effects. Worried I’ll go through it all for no benefit.  It’s all just awful and surreal. 

wishing you all the best xx

The same happened to me with my histology - stage 2 became stage 3, it was much bigger than they thought and with nodes. But its still contained and still potentially curable. Sometimes it feels hopeless as you are devastated by the news about your cancer, but there are lots of stage 3 cancer survivors out there busily getting on with their lives.

It is a difficult time and you are going through a huge thing. All your feelings are completely normal. There is a lot of loss to come to terms with and it is a real rollercoaster ride.  It does take time to find your way to live with it all. I found that I was much more settled once I had a plan and had started chemo as we were mopping up and not waiting for the bit I was most bothered about. You will find your rhythm with chemo, you can cold cap if you want to try to keep your hair, you can have an NHS wig voucher and choose one before you start (your breast nurse will know how to order one). I thought I'd hate a wig, but I actually love mine. Its so quick - a shake and throw it on - a huge time saver as a busy mum! I can't say that I didn't hate the idea of losing my long curly hair, but once it was gone, it was a relief.

I found talking to the Macmillan helpline really useful - just to say everything that scared or worried me was helpful. My Breast nurse referred me for counselling recently (I am in between chemo and radiotherapy) just to try and process all that has happened/ is happening to me. You can ask at any time if you need help. 

sending love and hug. 

Hi. I have same diagnosis/treatment plan. Started chemo 11 days ago, FEC for 3 cycles, then onto 'T', plus Herceptin injections. Then radiotherapy plus Anastrazole for years to come. I have also struggled mentally, but feel that, gradually I'm starting to accept this is how it is. I am 63, children, grandchildren, retired, fairly active etc. With no family at home now and time on our hands, it's easier to accept the probable side effects to come. I can rest when I need to etc. So far, on day 11 after chemo and doing pretty well. We CAN do this. Have faith in the treatment plan, scream and shout when you need to. X Jo

Thanks Carol for taking the time to ‘talk’ to me, it really helps to ease the shock and it’s a virtual hug in a world your so right, we’d rather not be in. I spoke to the MacMillan nurses today and it was such a help, like leaving your problems with a stranger on a bus. Take care x. 

Thanks SO much, I booked in to get my very long hair cropped as think will ease the process but it’s hard. Guess we would all like to jump back to life pre cancer but that’s gone and the tunnel is unavoidable. I do have better days as not yet on treatment. Your so right unloading to the MacMillan nurse was cathartic, it’s hard to just talk about yourself, not something we do I. Our social lives, I kept apologising and she had to remind me it was ok, it’s a new experience. big hug to you and thanks for caring so much others experiences xxx

Thanks, good to hear your managing so well. We keep strong for our kids, that’s what mums do. No rest time for me here but the plus is that I have to get up and get going, pros and cons. They did say at 49 I was ‘very young still’ which did provide my teenagers with a good laugh!!! It’s the only time in 30 years anyone has called me young! Wishing you a good recovery, big hugs xxx

I've also had my hair cut shorter ready for the hair loss. Currently on Day 11 of Cycle 1, doing okay atm. Temperature been low, if anything, so had blood tests today to ensure no strange infection lurking. No sign of hair loss yet, achy legs, bit of back pain from injections at home. All doable. We CAN do this! Jo. Indigestion type pain first few days after chemo, but Gaviscon helped 

Hi, I totally hear you you hang onto words of hope like common or treatable then each appointment seems to reveal a new scary thing. I had a terrible meeting with the Oncologist where the registrar explained the Optima trial and like the surgeon lead me to believe I could find out if the cancer needed chemo, then the Oncologist announced that in fact given my age, type, spread I had to have chemo etc for the best outcome. It was like being punched. I strongly believe the uncertainty is torture but also that new uncertainties keep coming in. I know we will get through this but we’re not there yet and positive vibes are not helpful, or being told we’re strong, as if there’s a choice, we’re mums, of course we have to be strong… thanks for being honest, it’s better to get it out and this is a great place. Big hugs and support… xxx

Hi for the last 5 years most of my immediate family have got cancer I now have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I can see your struggling and no life won't be the same ever again, however what I have learnt over the years that the most important thing when you have cancer is positivity. Cancer thrives on negativity and sadly many people have lost their lives. But research and treatment has advanced so much and people are beating the cancer. We as patients have so much going on in our heads and that's normal and crying and screaming is a normal process. I also need treatment and I am struggling with the thought of losing my hair and how people will view me. For myself I have decided to turn a negative into a positive. Before I start chemo I am gonna do the brave to shave and raise money. For me personally as a 52 year old will make me feel empowered and have control aswell as raising money. Granted this is not an easy choice for anyone. But your not alone and you are a strong brave powerful person. My advice is take  life as it comes, surround yourself with love and positively and you will beat this. You will get through this I promise. Tracy