Diagnosed with breast cancer recurrence - worried about possible treatment plan and also don't know how to tell my child

Hello fhgirl

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all the stress of waiting for results again, after all these years in the clear. What a bummer for you. I have seen threads here from ladies who are many years down the line from where you are today and are still going strong. I hope that when all the facts are known about cell-type etc that there are some effective new treatments available for you that maybe were not available when you were last treading the BC path. They are improving the meds all the time.

As for what to tell your son, you now him best and you have to live with and be comfortable with whatever you decide. You do not know all the facts yet, so it might be an idea to wait until there is more information about what is to come with respect to your treatment and then decide.

Thinking of you and sending a big hug.

Let us know how you get on.

All the best

WallyDug

I would suggest getting on to breast cancer nurse or GP ring for advice they have trained people who can sit down with you all or just you and him and talk through treatment . Ring Macmillan as well. Ten years is a long time in cancer therapy things will change and prognosis will improve .  Chemotherapy has been kind to me this seek day four no side effects . 

Best wishes 

Jayne always hear to chats 

Yes wally dug right get facts first 

I agree with Wally Dug too,I once had to tell my daughter something ,and after visiting a child phycologist,she told me to get the facts then approach the subject in a truthful way but in a gentle way also.So hang on for a while.Hope this helps and good luck.

Hang in there.xx

Thank you all.

I'm feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted with it all. But apart from this thing growing in me, i'm not unwell. 

Its good advice that you have all given. I will wait until we know for sure the treatment plan and then find the strength to tell him.

That's great Jayne that you have not experienced side effects - hopefully this continues for you x

None yet they might be on the way I'm having EC chemotherapy but you will notice so much change is last 10 years treatment plans X 

Jayne 

I’m sorry to hear you’ve got to face this crap again. I have a 12 year old and I can only tell you what I did, ultimately whatever anyone else says you know your kid best. I waited until I had the facts and firm diagnosis and treatment plan and then told her the truth, in an age appropriate way. The one thing I missed out was how aggressive my cancer is, I figured she didn’t need to know quite that much but she knows it’s serious and also that I have great treatment and a good prognosis as far as anyone can give it. I had DCIS when she was 4 so she knew I had operations and radiotherapy before and lived and that helped her know I’d been treated before even though this is different now.

No matter how you try and hide it, they overhear convos, people say ridiculously thoughtless and stupid things in front of them, if they think you’re lying they will feel so confused and you need him to feel as secure as you can in this. Obviously I’ve lost my hair so I couldn’t have hidden it!!  My daughter has coped incredibly well with my chemo and she has said to me part of that is she doesn’t panic when things occasionally are hard because she trusts me. I promise you she watches me like a hawk, nothing would slip by her. All the best and happy to give more details a d experience if you’d like it x

Hi Anna

Thanks for your message. I'm sorry that your cancer is aggressive. It really is crap isnt it.

I've spent yesterday evening and today crying while trying not to focus on the cancer. Luckily I have work to distract me but my boss wanted to have a chat to see how i am and I dont feel like i have the words for anything at the moment. I've put him off until i feel better able to explain things as they currently stand. He knows i have cancer. 

I think your approach of reassuring them that you had it before and lived seems sensible. My son doesnt know i had cancer before because it happened before he was born and it has never come up since. I told his head teacher last week and she is more then ready to offer support at school should he need it. He and i are very close - I am his go-to parent. I found myself telling my husband yesterday to make sure he looked after him like i would. Right now I am struggling to focus on the positives (are there any?).

Please do give more details of your experience telling your daughter - i would very much like to hear more about your journey together. My mum had breast cancer when I was probably about my son's age but she never told a soul. She had separated from my father and all her family lived abroad and she didnt tell any of her 4 daughters (I was the youngest). I remember once seeing her lift her arm and i could see through the armhole of her top that she was missing a breast - I cant remember if this was the first I knew of it. I dont remember disucssing it with my sisters at the time.

Hugs to you.

Hello fhgirl. I am sorry to hear your story and the awful situation of not knowing what to tell your child. My circumstances are different because my children are so much older. However, in addition to breast cancer I have had very poor health because of severe asthma and so my girls have had to live with Mum being unwell for a very long time. The advice I would give, for what it’s worth, is wait for the facts and then tell him the truth in as gentle a way as possible. Whilst telling him may be difficult, you will have a firm foundation on which to build. If you conceal the truth, he may feel that you are not being honest with him; but not have the words or understanding he won’t know how to ask you or what to say. Concealing the truth only makes things more difficult in the long term (at least I think so), and if he thinks you aren’t being honest, you run the risk that he won’t trust you. Sorry, rather long and waffling. I have just, in the last couple of days had to tell my girls about my diagnosis, even though they are so much older than your son, it was one of the worst things that I have ever had to do, so I do so feel for you at this time. Give yourself time to consider what you feel is the right thing to do. All the very best. Ros.