Starting to avoid people because of the silly things they say!!

Hello Etna, you'll find lots of folks here who feel the same way.  We saw it again with poor Olivia Newton-John - all the guff about 'fighting' and so on.  A lot seems to be driven by the fund-raisers, the rest by tiresome journalists and sub-editors, and people, including some family members, take it as a guide on how to speak to us.  We're stuck with our various complaints and do what we think is best for ourselves, coping as best we can.

I'm sorry to read that you are anxious and scared, it must just add to things.  You sound a lot younger than me, and I'm sure that makes a big difference to your feelings.  I should also say that I'm a man with colorectal cancer - this thread is appropriate to all cancer sufferers, in my view.

Are there particular things that worry you?  Are you finding it difficult to imagine your life going forward?  Do please go on using these fora to say what you feel, and ask for advice.  I've found that the folk here are ready to share experience and advice in the most helpful, graphic way.  The insistence on the use of noms-de-plume helps this, I'm sure.

Best wishes,

Roy

p.s. this is the only thread in this forum that I'm alerted to - you'll find lots of specific threads where you can share things with the ladies.  R

Another minor one in the grand scheme of things, which made my hackles raise:

"So-and-so has been through a lot - <describes work issues> <describes family issues> Also she had brain cancer when she was younger."

"Oh? Why did she have brain cancer?"

Why? WHY? Maybe she just had too many negative thoughts, or talked on her mobile phone too much, or... any other b*llshit reason that blames the patient. Raaaa raaa raa rant rage

My best one was a younger lady at my keep fit class. She was very nice, always asking how I was and “you do so well to keep coming to class.. blah blah”. I wore a beanie hat with a ponytail attached to go there and the ladies would say, “take it off, we don’t mind” WTF! I mind!.  Anyway, the young lady said to me one day “ the hair thing would really be the worst bit for me, I love my hair” ! Yeah…. I hated mine, so it’s fine… NOT!!!! I really had to bite my tongue and not say “well it was a matter of life and death” I don’t want to be a pretty corpse with long tresses”. I’ve forgiven her now 

Spot on, radge, it winds me up, too.  In the end, I've typed and deleted a lot here because I'm quite cynical about the whole issue.

I think I should add that my references to 'fundraisers' very much exclude anything to do with Macmillan - Cancer Support - who are and have been terrific ever since my first diagnosis.  It's the waffly 'help to fight' stuff that gets me going. 

Oh Anna you have posted at the right time I am always being told how positive I am but believe me there are some days when I look at the tablets I have to take and think not again.  This is my second round of breast cancer and it has gone to my bones and I think is the four weekly round of treatment going to go on for ever.  I know I will get over this downer.  I get what you are saying and I bet you want to say you haven't got a clue.  But we just keep quiet.  But knowing that other people in our position understand is so comforting.

Take lots of care of yourself and if you want some alternatives to you haven't got a clue I have got a few up my sleeve.  Thanks I feel better already.

Love Kay

So true Mazz!! I’ve had similar hair things said to me, so daft.  glad it helped! Sometimes just sharing these silly/annoying/funny/infuriating things makes us all know it’s not just us!!  All the best xx

I was fortunate they wasn’t sure if I needed chemo so had to wait 6 weeks for my results from America, luckily I only had radiotherapy but in the meantime the comments I received! The typical one wa“well so and so didn’t lost their hair when they had chemo” it drove me mad and if I hear well “so and so had cancer over 20 years ago and they are doing fine” one more time I think I’ll scream. The bestt one I had was well you have got the best cancer haven’t you!!! Is there a best cancer???

Hi All,

I'm a newbie and found this thread which is amazing, im glad im not the only person going through all these awkward conversations. It really hard to not shout out I Don't feel strong and let out a few 'f' words! 

I work in a hospital, in theatres and find that my colleagues can be really insensitive. Because I don't need a mastectomy and im 'just' having wire guided excision and slnb its all going to be fine. But I don't feel fine and I end up putting on a brave face so people don't feel awkward. 

I think reading through all your posts has really helped me so thank you all. Don't feel so lonely now.

xxx

I do believe that people don't know what to say but it's really upsetting that they seem to think that "it's just a lumpectomy" and treat it like having a tooth out!

Stay strong as it gets better. I am 30 months on and have learned to live with everything except Letrozole!