Am I alone in wondering why people say the most ridiculous things to me in an attempt to empathise maybe or be helpful? How do you cope with it? From lectures on dropping dairy, turmeric curing me, friends who sailed through chemo because they were ‘ strong’ , all that warrior language irritates me, you’re the strongest person I know you’ll kick it’s arse, you need to be brave, only strong minded people get through this. Oh you’ve had to shave your head? Shame you could’ve saved it, not likely it was coming out in chunks, at least you’ll get ready quicker, less time in the shower, great to be signed off work in the summer though! My aunt/friend/work colleague had it and tried xyz, they were amazing, they died sadly!!!! I could go on on but recently my patience is wearing thin and my smile and words of thanks are slipping somewhat. A friend texted me and said don’t worry you’ll be fine and I could help it, asked for a look in her crystal ball!!
How do others cope with it? My default is humour but it’s running out!!!!
Hi Anna12345 like Grogg I've been in this community for a while not as long as Grogg I'm only 2yr down the road . I went the other way and bored the pants off people ,who I felt were just being nosy , by over sharing .
My most hated comment was "you look so well " until someone said " well you don't look ill ) My answer before hubby ushered me away was "well you don't look stupid ! so we're both lucky "
I felt so much better
Oh dear Eline there are always those who cannot keep a secret yet they often say "you can trust me ". ! I don't think they realise that others have them pegged as a gossip !
I had told only one person on work o had been recalled . Hadn't told any family . When o had biopsy at recall I told my sister but said tell no one especially not my daughter who was away at Uni! My brother rang me a couple of hours later ! Guess who told him . She knew I was mad as I didn't want my daughter knowing so didn't tell anyone else but I told my late sister's husband and adult children's my brother might blurt out . I told my daughter following week after biopsy results . I also told my friend in work she could tell two girls who sat by us why I was away from work while awaiting results .
I knew there would be gossip in the office speculating why I was off so when I had results I text a few friends in office and told my boss it was ok for everyone in office to know ! The gossip in the office - who never gossiped according to her , must have been around the building that day as friends /colleagues in other departments knew as I had flowers , cards & texts off th - I worked for council so hundreds in building and I can see her now sliding up to tell them in a quiet voice that makes everyone's ears prick up .
Northerner. I hope you tilted your head in sympathy as you told her she was stupid ! Tilted head essential when sympathising
Have to say enjoy reading this thread. I'm fortunate in that mine was caught early. I've tried only to tell those close to me not having a wide circle of friends but a few have commented about how positive I sound. Well you wouldn't say that if you saw me on my wobble days but how else do you want me to sound. Life goes on. Considering how many people I have seen join the site and how many of us have cancer in one form or another, life can't stand still however much we want it to. I'm still me, I just have more to deal with at the moment!
Carol, I’m retired, worked 20 years in a school, so thankfully don’t have to deal with any work colleagues’ gossip. I can just imagine how quickly such news would have gone round the entire school, pupils included!
The words “brave” and “battle” (when applied to cancer patients) actually make me want to scream!
We endure, we suffer, we smile, we cry, we have good and bad days. We hope our journey takes us to the light at the end of the tunnel and it is our choice who we want to travel with us.
I too will keep Northerner’s phrase in mind, it’s a classic!
anna12345 I hear you! I know most folk mean well but honestly my humour has run out with some! Northerner I’m saving that comeback as it’s fantastic!
Hi all, thanks for this. Variously describes some of my experiences. Good to know others share some of my thoughts and feelings. In the main I try to stay up beat and positive with most. But it is exhausting. Then I have a, very, few with whom I tell them how I really feel. Which is often very different. Then again, don't want to burden nearest and dearest... It's a minefield. So when desperate I come on here. Love the retort .. classic.
Yes I’m storing up northerners repost too ok you’ll like this one!
My daughters friends father dropped in a present for for my daughter as it’s her 12th on Friday, I haven’t seen the father since my heads been shaved, convo goes:
Are you going to get a wig?
I’ve got one, arrived last week as it goes!
Are you going to wear it?
Occasionally, not sure atm, nice to have it though.
Yes, I’m sure, when do you think you will wear it?
I don’t know really, maybe if I’m poshing up?
Not daily or around the village then?
Probably not, I’ve noticed people are socially distancing from me when they spot me so actually I feel safer in my beanie hat and I prefer wearing it so.
But I’m sure the wig looks really nice though!?
Ok. Shut your face now! I didn’t say that though, wish I had, I suddenly needed the loo, thanked him and shut he door!!