Big heavy boobs mastectomy considerations...?

Hi MoominAncestor

I thought I'd pop a reply here because I had similar questions when I had treatment and it was difficult to find answers - or maybe the answers I was looking for. I wasn't as large as you - I was a 34E/F. I wanted both removed for symmetry and because I run and I thought the weight difference would be too great. So I'll tell you how it worked for me. I had to have a psychological assessment in order to get approval to have a healthy breast removed - that went fine and the psychologist completely understood my concerns. I met with a plastic surgeon who, to be honest, I found rude and dismissive - he completely put me off the idea of reconstruction and so I was considering one flat and one an E cup or both flat. The plastic surgeon told me that if I wanted an implant then I would have no choice of shape at that size - only the very round implants go up to that size. If I was considering a DIEP flap, he didn't feel he'd be able to make one that looked similar to my other breast unless I also had surgery on the healthy breast - it felt a bit like a salesman trying to talk me into having more and more surgery. My breast surgeon was reluctant to remove my healthy breast and wanted me to wait and not have them both removed at the same time. That was ultimately what I did and, nearly 5 years later I haven't had the other one removed.

So, how has it worked out for me? Well, firstly, I asked my surgeon to tell me the weight of my breast once he had removed it - he thought I was a little crazy, I think. Anyway - it wasn't as heavy as I thought it would be although heavier than any prosthetics. I have a lovely silicone prosthetic that makes me look like my old self and matches the remaining breast - it lives in a box in my bedroom and I have worn it once - I found it far too heavy. On a daily basis I wear knitted knockers - they don't make me remotely symmetrical but they are very comfortable and as time has gone on I worry less about symmetry when I am clothed. When I do any sport, I wear one of the foam ones from M+S and I have never noticed any weight difference.

I think what you're asking is about how I feel and that varies. Some days I don't think about it and as time goes on, that is more and more. But - when I do think about it - I still don't like the contrast between the flat and the breast. I probably won't ever submit myself to surgery again voluntarily, but if I did, it would be to have the other one removed and just be flat. I know someone who has stayed flat and I am sometimes a little jealous - that sounds ridiculous doesn't it.

I'm still dealing with everything, to be honest - cancer had such a massive impact on so many areas of my life that I'm still navigating how I feel about myself. I won't lie, when I'm shopping for clothes, I sometimes get upset that I can't wear some things because of the neckline - particularly if I'm going to a do. On the whole though, the things I thought I would feel turned out to not be the things I do feel.

As for mastectomy bras - you're right there is not a lot of choice at larger sizes and that needs to change - I email companies whenever I can and particularly I have sounded off to Bravissimo who only stock one mastectomy bra. The choice is getting better generally so we can only hope that if we keep complaining, we'll be catered to eventually. The main concern for me is that a lot of the larger bras have little support so are not as comfortable on the boobed side. However, you can buy pockets to sew into your own bras and that is what I have started to do after someone advised me on here.

Ultimately, we are all different and what is right for one of us may not be right for another. Trust yourself - if you have a strong gut feeling one way or another, that is probably the right decision for you. One thing I remind myself if I am ever unhappy about my new body is that I have absolutely no way of knowing if I would have been any happier had I made a different decision, so I try to accept things as they are and work with that.

Good luck with the decision and with everything else.

R