Partner refusing to have Covid vaccine.

I was put on the shielding list when I started chemo so didn't see anyone - I'm still on it and finished chemo in January. I was lucky that my husband was extremely careful throughout my treatment and continues to be so (& we have both had the vaccine).

Chemo really batters your immune system and it's more like days 7-14 that are the real danger points, when your bloods are at their lowest and your immune system is weak.

I hope you can persuade your partner to have the vaccine, but try and protect yourself as much as possible too.

Hi Beatthebreast,

Thanks for your reply and for enlightening me on the most vulnerable time after chemo. I didn’t know that!

I’m taking white cell boosting  injections in the first week after chemo but not really sure when they become effective.

Great to hear that your husband has been taking all precautions. My partner is in the building trade and unfortunately I’m not confident that he, or his colleagues, are doing what they should. The Covid vaccine has become a real issue unfortunately.

Shielding must have been really difficult. I’m trying to be sensible about things but also mitigate the risk a little.

Bluebell xx

HI Bluebell Woods

Gosh!  What a post to read!!!  My OH is in the building trade and he has some weird notions too .  He's been concerned about COVID but never seems to mind being in the van with 2 others, who are younger and I know haven't been following Covid restrictions in the slightest -  or is it just men?  I finished my treatment a long time ago, so I've had to ignore it, but with you enduring chemo.  - what an awful attitude he has!

Can you ask him blunt questions?  Sometimes it might be that they just 'don't think'.  Can you ask him if he loves you? If he does then he wouldn't put your life at risk. Because that is what he is doing by risking you getting any infection, let alone risking you getting Covid!  How did he feel about you getting cancer?  How would he feel if he inadvertently gave you an infection?

Could you perhaps try ringing Macmillan helpline (0808 808 00 00 - 7 days a week, 8am - 8pm)  whilst he is there and ask them (on speakerphone) about the risks of getting an infection whilst just having had chemo?  and explain that he doesn't want to take the vaccine and see what they say - so they as professionals can spell out the risks in his earshot and hopefully he realises that it's not just you being awkward. 

I totally get where you're coming from - my OH during my diagnosis appointment didn't switch his phone off and ended up going out just as the surgeon told me I had cancer to speak to a customer - then when we left he got onto his lads to organise the job and then finally when we got in the car said "imagine having it in your nuts".  Oh, and then he phoned his ex wife to tell her before I'd even told my family! I do wonder if it's something to with the 'type' of man who works on building sites

But, if he can hear that he's being selfish from someone else (like MacMillan) then he may just listen to sense.

Kindest wishes, Lesley x

HI Bluebell Woods  I had finished chemo when Covid arrived but was shielded as was within three months of last chemo and was on Herceptin until Jan 2021 I have been on the shielded list since . At the moment shielding has been eased but letter does advise minimise contact and shopping trips etc. 

I fully expect to be shielded again if / when numbers rise again . If numbers do rise you may find you get shielded .

I agree main vulnerability is between 7>14 days in the chemo cycle ,but your immune system is compromised during all of the treatment cycle . 

It doesn't really matter if Hubby is against the jab or just plain scared of it he needs to get it to protect you . Even more important now lockdown is getting eased .

last year in March lockdown I was advised to not even go for walk ,use separate cutlery ,beds etc also SD from rest of household ! 

We know more about Covid now so not so strict but Hubby still very careful about protection from Covid . 

Your hubby needs to accept you are more vulnerable at the moment      

Try gp or mac to talk to him 

best of luck 

Hi Lesleyhelen,

I think that men in the building trade might just be worse. I know 100% my partner and the rest sit in the van, no masks plus other things. Annoyingly he was like this all last year, I tried to get through to him then but to no avail. Now things have changed so it’s gone beyond annoying.

I have asked him direct questions but on this issue he keeps fobbing me off. It’s really getting me down now.

I will try your suggestion. Frankly, I’ve tried everything else! Maybe I’ll get through at some point.

Thanks again.

Bluebell xx

Hi Margaret,

Shielding seems really difficult. Especially at the beginning of the pandemic when there was so much uncertainty. Glad to hear your husband has been supportive.

I am concerned about things opening up. I’m feeling a lot more vulnerable now so want to be proactive in protecting myself, while still having  bit of a life.

I just need to try and get through to him as, at the moment, he’s my contact with the outside world.

Thanks for answering.

Bluebell xx

Hi Bluebell Woods  The trick is you take control of the situation and only do what you are comfortable with . 

Big day yesterday I ventured into daughters garden so had to walk thru house ...I've never been in it ! She only been there with new partner for about 18 month . I felt uncomfortable but stayed for about hour . I did refuse to look around upstairs saying still getting used to outside so upstairs step too far . Everyone accepted that .

I think it will take time for things to feel comfortable again and people who have shielded will perhaps look a little over the top re gel etc .but I don't think the raised awareness is a bad thing .

My hubby is no saint we have had words re hand washing when coming into house etc but he does understand why I pick and choose when /if I visit shop .

good luck with hubby 

Hi Margaret,

Thank you. Yes, it’s difficult to know what the right balance is. I did make myself scarce yesterday when there was a possibility of him bringing people to the house (they didn’t come). Now he’s realised I won’t be hanging around for that he said he won’t do it anymore. 

He’s also, amazingly, emailed the Covid vaccine website to arrange an appointment! It’s just been such a long and frustrating process. Might eventually be getting through!

Bluebell xx

Hi Lesleyhelen,

I hope you don’t mind but I screenshotted a section of your reply (no names or anything on show) then showed him it.

He’s now contacted the Covid vaccine website so that he can get an appointment booked! It’s only taken about 2 months to get to this point! A great relief for me.

Thank you for your great reply. It’s worked wonders.

Bluebell xx

HI Bluebell WoodsFantastic news -  I am SO pleased that something worked!  It is as we said, probably something to do with the building trade, maybe they have to be 'macho' types because they work in that sector. 

I do know that they tease each other mercilessly and in any other profession it would be bullying, but in the building trade it just seems to be the norm.  I work as a bookkeeper for a  different construction company and one the lads handed in his notice because of this 'teasing' and I mentioned it to the boss and said he needs to stamp it out because it's bullying and the lad was a very good employee.  His reply "to be fair, it was me!"  He apologised to the lad and he stayed on, but it does seem that the way they all act is very different to us in the 'normal world!'. BUT you certainly don't want/need this attitude at home, so I'm very pleased to hear that he's seen sense and it's not macho to ignore the very real risks of Covid for anyone, let alone for you with the risk of getting an infection. 

Having said that about my boss and their 'macho' /teasing/ bullying attitudes, he had his vaccine at the first opportunity and has adhered to looking after any lads who have had any potential symptoms - ensuring that they don't come into work until they've had clear test results - expecting them to email me their results to prove they are clear and  has told them all that if one of his team gets Covid, the sites will be shut until he's certain it's safe to open. So he's been very sensible, which has been a relief. 

Lesley x