Experience of Breast cancer

Please go and get it looked at....you're not wasting anyones time. X

Hello , Sending you extra big but gentle hugs -you have been through  so much. As Louisewomble has suggested please go and get it looked into.You are not wasting anyones time , they are paid to be there and should not make you feel like that! Please .,please go and see them again and start to resolve this problem. XXXXXX

Hi. I am really sorry to hear not only your struggle with cancer but with overwhelming loss of your closest family. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling and how difficult it must be for you. Sending you wirtual Remember that we are here for you if you need to talk...

I get the feeling of waisting NHS time and resources as well sometimes as I was checked few times and they didn't find anything. I had stage 3 cancer with lymph nodes involvement so now everytime something is out of normal I think cancer is back. I had headaches and dizzynes they did MRI scan which came back negative. Then I had swallen lymph nodes in my neck but ultrasound came back normal. At the end of the day better be safe than sorry. Don't think you are waisting their time. They are there for a reason to help people like us.

Regarding Tamoxifen what's the things you are struggling with??? I am taking it as well and currently have unbelievable itchy skin. I try everything and nothing seems to be working. Before I had eye drynes,hot flashes but those passed now .

thank you so much Louise, Kwissy & sparkle5, Cant face going back. I bitterly regret surgery so guess I AM a time waster cos not having owt done. I did it for Autistic son (Dad of baby)  & depressed daughter who helped me with her dad 4 of 9 yrs I nursed him as I worked full time.  I wasn't in fit state to make this big decision tbh so lost chance to be with my John etc. Our autistc son is difficult & cruel. I'm 19mth on from hubby, 20mth my diagnosis,14mth post surgery. People are upset I've not 'moved on' & a  'drama queen'. I'm miserable, in pain lonely & not want 'move on'.

Treatment hit my arthritis so I use sticks, wheelchair/scooter. I am in  breakdown so depression & anxiety. Nothing helps inc. tablets. Get flashbacks nitemares esp of death of hubby & baby so counseling/psych made it worse cos I relive it. Professionals say most on Tamoxifen do ok. I don't! side effects are hot flush, nausea poor apetite. constipation, BONE pain,bloating, fatigue, moody/snappy temperature issues. But lots of side effects linke to grief too.

For 4 yrs I was dieting as dress 22-24 so fell to16 till john's diagnosis. I stopped diet but fell to 14 but stayed that till horror of 2019 when fell to 8. I'm now 10-12 cos exist on cr&p.

Tenderness/hardness in breast is big issue. Feels bit like mastitis. On paracetamol &10mg ph pain patch without which I would climb wall. This area I can 'cup; in palm, top area of breast. Seems small dip between it and created nipple. Just wondering if anyone else had this n what it was and how ppl cope with side effect of Tamoxifen.

BIG THANK YOU all for your kind comments and support. Just seems I stuck in bad place. xxx

Sorry for the language but it piss me off when people say you should move on. I don't think  anyone could understand how you feel if they are not in your shoes. If you need more time to grief it's ok.I was really optimistic when I was diagnosed. My husband was crying and I was cheering him and  everyone up. Now when the treatment is finished everyone is saying oh you beat cancer you will be fine and I am so depressed and worried about it coming back. The thought and experience of that trauma  will never leave us. I can't stop crying some days. I think I didn't have time to process all of that diagnosis and treatment as all of it happened so quickly. Now I feel it's my time for grief and sadness. It's ok to have all that emotions. It's ok to cry. I still meet with friends and they say how positive I am but they don't see my battle inside. You are not the only one struggling we all do. For me what helps is keeping myself busy. Try to organise your day so you don't have time to think to much. Find things you like to do and do them. I don't think it's about moving on but to learning to live again..

sparkler I so admire you and I really do 'get' the internal battles and what I call the 'party face' everyone expects. If it was (pardon my poor way of putting this) 'only' cancer(sorry that sounds awful cos I know its devastation, i just don't have any other word) I think it would have been easier. The biggest blow was losing John as he was my rock. Like you despite the worst prognosis, he fought with everything he had and even laughed and joked to cheer us up. He never complained. Only once did I catch him looking at his distended abdomen in bedroom mirror. He was a body builder from age 13, my adonis. To see his body ruined must have destroyed him but I hadn't given it a thought till I walked in on him. I think you are so brave and obviously want to live...I just don't i guess. I agree 'moving on' is irritating....in fact it's cruel...as if we have a choice! Like you say such a lot happened it is overwhelming. I cry a lot too.  I think cos Im alone so much. I will think about what you said about organising the day ...it might help cos until the cancer made me disabled, I worked full time 47 yrs but now can't. I think I will set the TV alarm each morning to  see if that forces me to drag up (In still in my nightie at 1.15pm). I often can't sleep as I am scared of demons it brings, but yes maybe a routine might break that bad cycle. Thank you for your kindness and patience. I don't want to' live' again but until my soulmate comes for me I will have to find a less painful path or just shut up and stop complaining!  Thank you again for the good and practical advice xx

Hi , Please don't ever feel that you can't come on here and tell us how you are truly feeling . That is part of what this site is here for.While I can't begin to comprehend how you have coped with so much upset with one thing after another, I do know that the big C takes a lot of coming to terms with having had it twice now -(unrelated and in different breasts). We all have bad days and crying is a good safety valve. But hopefully however slowly I hope that you are able to enjoy the beauty of nature and to feel a little more content.As Sparklers85 says find things you like to do even a new hobby and do them if only for a short while will give you some respite from your thoughts. I crochet comforters for a charity for preemie babies and while doing that my thoughts don't stray or I have to unpick it ! Thinking of you and sending big hugs  xxx

I am a bit younger than you 36 and married only for 10 years.My husband is my best friend as well so I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to live without your other half. I am sure that there are people who care about you. I am sure John want you to be happy. .till you will meet again.

aw kwissy you are kind. Most I know are fed up. they avoid me. They think Ive had not enuf counseling cos I can go over and over it ad nauseum and never get it off my chest (as they put it). The fact is I never will and this is why both counsling and psychiatry not only don't work for me but make me worse by making me relive it all. I think you have to want to get in a better place and you have to be able to get into an attitude where thats possible and I can't focus on anything....only the trail of devastation while I am being hit with the next wave of it.  HOT off the press:  I was up at half 3 or 4am today, not slept yet again cos Autistic son off rails.....daughter rang...she now lives in old family home as we couldnt sell it due to bad traffic and no parking.....someone arguing outside, her hubby opens curtains as he is soon off to work and bam! brick thru huge double glazed window. Luckily he not hurt but not insured so will cost hundreds to replace.....

Lovey, At 36 you are still someone's beautiful little girl, 2 yr younger than my daughter and 5 younger than son. Yet tho I am 63, I'm like a petulant child who lost her teddy and nothing else will do. We briefly discussed what I'd be like when he died. He said if roles were reversed he would be  devastated & never ask me to do owt he couldnt do himself. He also said he relied on me for not far off half a century so would support all my future decisions as long as I sat down and 'talked' to him about it. He said if possible he would hear me and try to reply and I like to think he does. Trouble is its not 'love' or even 'IN love', but obsession. I gone from 15 yr old child to 63 yr old one. Its like my body can't/won't let go and I don't want to. I still say we in a relationship, albeit a difficult one. Despite all the losses of ppl I loved, I was only obsessed with one. Then grandson died & I very stupidly had cancer op after refusing it for six months. lot of other bad things STILL going on I have no control over. I was bullied at work, then sacked, lost home of 30yrs, all our savings, I can't even delve into the current 'phase'. I guess I am just not being given any recovery time whatsoever right up to a few hrs ago if you look at my reply to kwissy luvvie.  xx