Difficult Coping

Hi Pollywin

oh my word this is a complete nightmare for you to be going through, and you are being so brave contrary to what you are probably feeling. Really saddening to read your post but great you have posted on here. I hope just doing that has helped a little.

Evenings, nighttime and early mornings are the witching hours when our worst fears break through our defences and set our minds racing with all those disastrous thoughts. Sleep is a problem I’m sure and I got some success overcoming lack of sleep by watching meditation videos online.

I can only suggest what has helped me over the years. Being teary is natural, it’s a very worrying time for you and your family. There is no problem with tears, in fact they are a good thing to express and get a little of that innermost angst out. Both times I had to bear losing a wife I was a complete wreck and howled my heart out for many days. Eventually the tears became fewer and fewer until I reached the point where I could think of what had happened without crying. My next step was telling others about the deaths of my wife. Each time I did that the agony returned and I would break down into tears. But again eventually I reached a point where I can talk about my wives without becoming a complete quivering wreck. What I’m trying to say is that I feel we need to move through this tears stage, not avoid it as that is not healthy.

give yourself plenty of time and reward yourself with nice things, your favourite ice cream, favourite chocolate, just anything to reward yourself for dealing with each stage of your treatment . You are probably feeling pretty rubbish having had another traumatic operation and dealing with the chemo again. Do you give yourself a treat each time you start to recover from each chemo session?

We must find somethings that give you positives you can do to channel your energy into. For me I found a positive in my darkest hours by helping others on sites similar to this site. Usually in the early hours of the morning when I was awake and I knew others in a similar position to myself were as well. I was able to express my feelings about my own situation at the same time as hearing the problems others were suffering.

Do talk to your family about how you feel, they will be incredibly supportive as they will no doubt be extremely worried about you. Together talking this through I’m sure you will get stronger.. It will be difficult for you all but in the long run i think it would be good for you and the family.

no one can tell us what the future holds. People often say ‘make the most of every day’ but don’t sometimes  understand the full meaning of that. The good people on this site actually do understand the true meaning of that phrase and over the years that is how I’ve tried to live my life even before my diagnosis in September. Could you try to find the joy of each day, really difficult at the moment I’m sure, but something to aim for once you have completed your treatment.

Not sure if any of that helps, please ignore if it is total rubbish, but I wish you every success and good wish for a successful treatment.

Be good to yourself.

Hello MrT1, thank you for your kind reply and helpful words. You have helped me and I am very grateful. I will try and be kind to myself. I wish you well as well, thank you x

Hi First let me say that I agree with what MrT1 has said- he has put it all so well. I too was diagnosed in March this year -a second time for me too .The previous time was 22years ago this month. Still a major shock but I feel now that I coped with the diagnosis better this time .Almost a case of forewarned is forearmed. I had lumpectomies both times so probably not as traumatic as your surgery.I didn't have chemo either time just radiotherapy and hormone treatment. See my profile if you wish.

It is still very early days for both of us but I feel that we should put our trust in our teams -after all the treatment worked well last time so why shouldn't it this time? I tend to look on my old breast cancer as preparation for this one! Yes there have been lots of tears  but I think they are part of natures way to help us come to terms with things each in our own way. Be kind to yourself in whichever way you choose ,perhaps more difficult with all the covid restrictions, but nevertheless important to do. The good days will come and the immediate problems will be behind you. Have you looked at any of the other dicussions on the site - I especially like the AWAKE thread and have found it a great support for the serious things as well as making me laugh out loud (yes really) at times. Do have a look and join the Fruit Loops -all will become clear after a little while!!

I wish you well on your second journey through breast cancer- sending big hugs xxKwissy

Hello Kwissy, thank you so much, your words have helped me a lot. I will certainly look up the other discussions you have suggested. I really appreciate hearing from you xx