Hair loss

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Hi I have had 6 rounds so far with another 2 to go, I have been using the cold cap which I find absolutely horrendous but it seemed to work until the last time when I lost about 50% of my hair overnight. This was an awful shock to me, for me having my hair kept my identity and didn't make me look or feel like a cancer patient.

I am really struggling mentally with the hair loss and and terrified of losing it all, I am now thinking don't bother with the cap for the last 2 sessions as its so horrendous anyway, has anyone else not bothered after losing most of their hair ? People say to you 'It will grow back, don't worry' but for me it's devastating I just keep crying, I have a wig that I like and feel nice in but it's when it comes off the realisation is awful.

Does anyone else have huge guilt aswell as I do ? I am lucky in the fact that I have a good prognosis and my chemo will be over soon, so many are less fortunate and I feel terrible for feeling how I do when some do not have an end to their treatment, I find all the emotions to do with cancer overwhelming.

  • Hi Emmyw,

    Cancer diagnosis plays havoc with all of us with our thinking and emotions. One day feeling I have this next day feelings in depth of despair. It's not easy. Please be kind to yourself. We all go through an emotional roller coaster. My prognosis is good also and feel awful when talking with others who don't have the same prognosis. I think that's human nature. 

    I didn't use the cold cap as  I had fine hair. My hair fell out after 2nd cycle of chemo. It wasn't as devastating as I thought I have a lovely wig. My chemo finished in September and I now have some hair growth. Not much yet but it's starting. 

    I wish you well with your recovery xx

  • Hi thank you for your reply, yes exactly that one minute I'm thinking positive and like you say I've got this, the next is utter despair. It is horrific going to the unit and seeing or talking to others it makes you feel so humble and I always think to myself 'what the hell are you complaining about' and also that they are so strong and I don't know how they cope.

    Thanks again and good luck to you to x

  • Hi Emmyw,

    Your journey is just as important and scary. Please be kind to yourself. 

    I was unable yo say the word cancer out loud. I would just cry. I was crippled with anxiety and what ifs. It's horrible to experience. It's a difficult journey for everyone.

    Once you have your treatment plan you will focus on that. I found I felt a bit more in control and I was fighting it once i knew what was ahead of me.

    Take care and good luck, you've got this xx

  • Hey Emmyw,

    I feel like I could have written this post myself! My chemo starts next week & im dreading loosing my hair. I feel like I’ve lost my breast & now I have to loose something else even if it is temporary. Cancer & the treatment changes our appearance in so many ways & it’s all out of our control.
    I too feel guilty, i also have a good prognosis but I have a friend who is battling a different cancer but she is terminal. I often think to myself how lucky I am to be just loosing my hair when she is loosing her life. 
    We can’t help our feelings though. This is such a devastating disease to be facing regardless.

    Wishing you well lovely, you’ve got this xx

  • Hi Emmyw 

    I had the cold cap but had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs during cycle 2 of chemo so they took the cap off. Before cycle 3 my hair like yours started to fall out and I had bald patches appearing. I decided not to have the cold cap anymore and when I got home from chemo that day I cut all my hair off and my husband shaved it off for me. I felt like I’d took control of the situation although I was devastated.

    It was the hardest decision as I really wanted to keep my hair. I’m 5 weeks since my last chemo and had surgery last week but my hair still hasn’t started to grow back which I’m praying it will do soon. 
      
    There are so many emotions we have to go through and I know people mean well when they say it will grow back but it’s hard to hear especially when you’ve had really long hair. The journey is such an emotional rollercoaster so be kind to yourself. 

    Sending you best wishes on your journey x

  • Thank you so much, it's so tough isn't it x

    • Yes it's the whole thought of the journey ahead isn't it, I really hope your friend is living her life as much as she is able and I wish you all the best with your treatment x
  • Thank you, it's the looking in the mirror I think it's the visual realisation that this is happening. I have 2 rounds left and then Radiotherapy so it's coming to an end.

    I wish all the best x

  • That's exactly how I feel crippled with anxiety, thank you this all makes me feel less alone x

  • Incredibly tough xx