Hi,
On Friday I was diagnosed with 1 definite small cancer lump, but have another area that needs further investigation. I went back yesterday to have what I thought was one aspirational biopsy, told to arrive at 8:30 which I did, I was still sitting in the waiting area at 9 am getting very anxious, and asked the receptionist how much longer, which it was not. At 9:05 called into the mammogram room feeling tearful and anxious, and told sorry they had been discussing how to proceed as I needed two types of biopsy, and it was complex and this had taken time. My poor brain went into overdrive as I was sat with my breast in the mammogram machine whilst the two radiographers discussed what they needed, like "pass the needle and it needed to be a bigger one" and this is the area, my breast was not quite in the right position so had to be maneuvered. They gave me the local anesthetic, (in the background I'd heard that it was lidocaine, so think again brain went into overdrive), I said that I was feeling faint and I had the white light spots I had a vasovagal syncope or passed out. The next thing I recall was hyperventilating, and being given an oxygen mask and pulse monitor being put on my finger, the doctor and several radiologists were around the chair which had now been put down as a bed. I'd also wet myself. It took a while to come to some form of consciousness, I'd walked from home as it is only a 15-minute walk to the hospital, so they wanted to contact my husband, but for some reason, they only had the landline number which we now only have for the internet and have not used for a good few years, despite I think I told what my husband's mobile number was the previous week. So they don't have a number for him but my mobile was in my jacket pocket, they took this out but face recognition did not work think I was so pale and no glasses?? SO gave them the code for my phone, then even though 5 different people in with me they did not know how to find my contacts, I say his name (just remembered that I also do have him as ICE in case of emergency contact) and what seems like an age they finally find a number for him.
I did not have any breakfast most probably so this did not help the situation, they wanted me to have a drink of sweet tea, but don't drink tea or coffee, I have some cold water, which makes me sick, I eat a biscuit (all whilst lying down not easy a straw would have made it easier), the biscuit also makes me sick. The ice pack on the back of my neck and one on my head help with the sweating but feeling cold where I've wet myself. They are trying to clean up the floor in the small mammogram room, I'm conscious that they must have a next patient, and I don't want them to have to wait like I did, as this is what contributed to the collapse in the first place. Also, I'm lying on the special chair that is required for the next patient, so I'm wheeled to another room which makes me sick again. By this time about 45 minutes later as it took my husband 15 minutes to find a car parking space, I have a fresh set of clothes to change into, I am able to carefully get the wet ones off and the dry ones on, the poor radiography is trying to find a way to enable me to wash myself, but I'm not able to stand, and thinking I'd just like to go home to sort myself out. I'm in no fit state to move so am left to sleep. In the background, they have been trying to sort out a slot for me to have the biopsy done at a different time as it requires specialist radiographers, I also need the doctor to do a different type of biopsy, but this is decided will probably be better done on a separate occasion, one day next week depending on how the new one goes, which had been arranged for 8:30 on Friday. I've been assured that this will be done at 8:30 with no delay as the radiographers will be in at 8:15 to set up but will take someone with me (along with a spare set of clothes). My sister said she was not surprised I'd not taken a set with me as this is not the first time I've had a vasovagal syncope episode when medical procedures have been carried out, it's not something that happens all the time but about 5 previous times.
Today Wednesday is my day off so taking it easy, I've said to work that Friday I will not be in as I need to have the biopsy done again and that as a teacher I don't think standing in front of my delightful year 8's who have made my life challenging for the past year would be a good idea for Thursday I have three years 8's all of whom have caused me stress this year. On Monday when I had the second year 8 class P6 I'd tried for the last 20 minutes to get all to be silent and listen to me so I can do the basic thing of taking the register, yet there are 6 of you who are continuing to not listen to me, I really felt like saying "I really don't need this crap, you lot are causing my cancer", of course, I did not and I did eventually have some form of calm but after I'd had three of them removed.
I feel like I'd like the best of both worlds, to stay at home and to continue working, I've offered that I could do preparation work, as I have additional responsibilities and I have to prepare end-of-year assessments for years 7,8 and 9, so have asked could I do these on Thursday and if Friday goes ok, then for Friday afternoon to do the same as my drive to work takes 45-60 minutes. I have several appointments next week not breast cancer related, I have a doggy shoulder that I've been trying to get sorted since January, and have finally got a scan and physio appointment, I'd made them after school hours but would need to leave on time, but one of them I'm having to miss a parents evening that was rearranged due to teachers strike.
I have had a stressful 3 weeks waiting for the biopsy result during which I'd been offered two new jobs, one working abroad in Oman and another at a different school, I'd felt torn between which to accept and in the meantime, my boss asking as they know I've gone for interviews had I made a decision as they'd like to know if they needed to replace me, I legally do not have to give notice until 31st May so did not like the pressure especially as I did not want to accept a new position and then not be able to take it up as I'd not be able to take much sick leave. Now the not knowing how much sick leave I actually need, also with my current school I've been there 3 years so can get 75 days full pay and 75 days 1/3 pay, but if my full teaching career is taken into account I'd get the maximum 100 days full 100 days 1/2.
To top it all my autistic anxious daughter who thankfully was unsuccessful during the lockdown in her suicide attempts started her A'level exams today, the toll on her mental health, as I've not been able to shield her from what is going on.
In the last year, my mortgage/bill payments have also gone up £1200, so my levels of stress have been rather high this year and the thought of being off does not help with money worries.
Sorry long rambling post, but feeling a little bit better having got it out, not looking forward to the biopsy on Friday but my eldest daughter has asked to come with, support will be nice but not sure a 21-year-old should see me in such a state if it gets to that, but she and her sister did remind me that once I did collapse down the stairs and again wet myself so they have already seen me in such a state 5 years ago.
Thanks for listening
