Never felt so alone

Hi Claire, so sorry to hear of your diagnosis and that you're having a rough time. A cancer diagnosis is truly frightening and no matter how strong we may or may not be, it's absolutely normal to be emotional and scared and sometimes others who are trying to help don't really realise that their comments can be upsetting.

You might not be aware that MacMillan offers a range of support to help us through. When I had my diagnosis I used their chat function a few times as it helped me to speak to someone a bit more detached from what was going on.  This might help and I've popped some links below for you.  Best wishes 

Counselling Link

Macmillan Support Link

Clairebear - sorry to hear about your diagnosis. If it helps I have done 28 weeks of chemo, had a mastectomy and full node clearance and await radiotherapy. But I am clear now and hope to remain that way. 

Take each appointment at a time, and every bit of your treatment- be kind to yourself- don’t do anything you don’t want to.

Your mum would know that you will get there.you are not selfish and screaming and shouting can help! You are right it is shit.

x

Hi Claire, I am Julie I am 55 years old with 4 grownup children who have all left home. I totally understand how you’re feeling, I was diagnosed in February with IDC in my right breast, 6 weeks after my sisters funeral, apparently it’s not hereditary it’s just purely bad luck!!!

I too, have never felt so alone. The one person who I want to talk to about all this, is sadly no longer here. I have had no time to grieve, it’s was full on from diagnosed time, I had a WLE and mammoplasty followed by 5 lots of radiotherapy plus a boost of another 5. I have been started on Letrozole for the next 7.5/10 years!!!!

I hardly sleep at night, and am very emotional. People who meet us, just say, your strong, you will be fine and then change the subject. 
please ring the macmillan line, I have found them very helpful, they have set me up with a ‘buddy’ and she rings once a week and we chat about all things, cancer/ children/family etc she has been fantastic 

look after yourself, am here if you want to chat more xx

 I saw or read something about being careful of the language we use when talking about cancer.  Calling it a battle as if we had a choice in doing battle,  Calling them brave in their fight,  There is no fight it's just living with an illness and it's treatment, putting one foot in front of another each day.  You are grieving, not just for a mothers support but for your previous cancer free life.  Post cancer life will be good too but you are allowed to grieve, to be upset at the impact on your body,  it's ok to cry.  Diagnosis and treatment is rapid, you barely have time to process then it hits.  So when people call you brave or string just tell them you not in right place to hear that, that you are struggling physically and mentally and just need time to come to terms with a cancer and impact on yours and your family life xx

Owww Clairebear1307, 

I am so sorry you are feeling like this..... however, if I am honest most of us on here have felt the same.  I believe we feel like this because in reality to us at this very time 'we are alone - no one can do this for us - no words others say will take how we feel away (no matter how good meaning they may be), the 'you are strong' ..... no, we aren't strong, we have no choice - we have to carry on!

Like Grogg says you are grieving for the 'old you' the you that left and disappeared the day you got told 'that' word.  You are at 'very early days' - you have had months of worry, treatments, appointments, so much and now you are now settling and taking it all in - and this includes grieving for yourself, the one person that you knew - her life is now all mixed up and is on a journey to being rebuilt - along this journey you will learn and see a lot too ....... you may encounter what I had .... a friend, my best friend from school - friends for over 40+ years..... the friend I would of done anything for, helped no matter what..... told me I will be fine, they probably have it wrong - night of my operation I sent her a little video so she would see I was okay - I was sent a video back of her crying then.... get this..... 3 days or something later I had a text saying 'she had a lot on and she would (get this.... ) RSVP me (!!!!!)  when things settle. I don't have many friends, in fact you can count them on one hand and still have fingers free - I never expected this - I had done so much for her and I really thought if ever I needed help etc should would be there the same for me (how wrong was I ..... months later I decided to 'block' her phone numbers - this way it stopped me 'looking at the phone to see if I'd missed her call).  

Please know you are really are at the start of this journey and you will feel better - see if you can turn your loneliness into an inner strength -  keep in mind that family and friends 'won't truly understand' - you must do whatever feels right for you - keep remembering you are at the very early days.  Don't feel selfish about your feelings - most of us have had the same.

I'll include a link to a thread called 'AWAKE' thread - it is where most of us go to at the start of the journey when night time sleep evades us -  it's a place we go to for advice, to have a moan, to have a laugh and for support - come in and say hello - don't ever feel along now you have found us - we are here for you 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/breast-cancer-forum/f/general/128753/awake/1789983# 

Claire I know it's hard but you are strong and you are doing great.  I'm 48, lost my mum to cancer too.  I have my partner but I agree you can still feel so alone.  I've found a lot of support from random strangers and in particular from other ladies that have been through it.   I had breast removed,  chemo and am going to start radio.  Sending you hugs x

I agree with those who have posted above. I have been where you are now. We all had the rug pulled from under our feet. It is a frightening trauma. And this is on top of losing your mum too. I also missed my mum when I was diagnosed and post-treatment.  I’ve just posted on another thread called ‘Depression please help’, and I have suggested if some of us experience a form of PTSD as a result of what we go through. You aren’t alone in your thoughts, but yes, it sure does feel like a bleak and lonely place. If you can reach out ( as others have suggested) to talk, then that might help. It did help me. I still have relapses one year on, but they tend not to last so long nowadays. You did the right thing writing on here … you are not alone on this forum x 

Whathappened - I could have written your second paragraph almost word for word, apart from the videos.  I have known my 'friend' for 47 years and have only just realised how self-absorbed she is.

Hi Claire; I'm sorry you find yourself here, without your mum for support.  The one person I wanted when I had my diagnosis was my mum, and I have a daughter almost your age; you never stop needing your mum.

You are not being selfish, and you're not crumbling; you are dealing with a big shock.  It's not a battle, it's a one-foot-in-front-of-the other slog until you get to the end. 

Best wishes.

Sapphire, it is so sad we have to have this to realise that our 'friends' were really only wanting 'our friendship' and not wanting to give their's - we wouldn't notice 'because we aren't that type of person'...... 

I suppose in a way us talking about it in here should makes us realise ...... we are nice people and nice to have as friends..... Their loss!!!! Big Time - Their Loss - I just have to make sure that with time if I am contacted that I stick to my guns and step back - not to be fooled.

I'm sorry you had to go through this xxxx