Terrified of chemo and anxious most of the time

Hi, 

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, please know YOU are worth it, you are worth fighting for. 

I can relate to depression, low self esteem and feeling worthless, my black cloud has been a frequent visitor and personally this last few years (and building upto them) Covid aside have thrown some hammers my way, you couldn’t make it up! And a Cancer diagnosis is a cherry on the top. BUT I am going to turn this around and come out the other side because we are worth it. I am savoring the little wins in life and taking one day at a time rather than looking too far ahead at things that may never happen. 

i hope you feel stronger and more confident soon and have support around you.

Go easy on you, you’re doing the best you can today. 

K

Oh dear, you sound really down. It’s not surprising as this journey is far from easy. I felt similar to you shortly after my mastectomy, it was like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from and I did have one or two unsavoury thoughts, but luckily they passed quickly and I’ve started to appreciate life more than I did! I’ve had three of six chemo cycles and I have been fine throughout, no side effects at all apart from feeling the need to go to bed a bit earlier than before, but I wake up early feeling refreshed. So what I’m trying to convey is that it’s quite likely that you won’t have any bad side effects, looking at the posts on this forum most people who do have side effects have mild, more annoying, than unpleasant symptoms. Try stay hopeful and positive if you can, I know it can be so hard but it’ll pass before you know it. Wishing you all the best, big hugs xxxx

I have the opposite intolerance to yours -- I can only tolerate cocodamol but I react very badly to anything else, and drugs such as morphone and oxy do nothing for me and mostly just make things worse. Chemo is a completely different story, though. Anti inflamatory and pain relief drugs do things that are completely different to what chemo does, so there is no way to predict how your body would respond, certainly not based on the pain relief and anti inflammatory backgrounds (such as yours and mine.)

Have they told you what chemo drugs they have in mind? 

Hi Harrigoose,

Thank you for your positive reply.  I'm glad you feel so determined.  

I have support from afar but nobody physically close, which doesn't help.  Moved to the sea during the pandemic, work from home, and what with the relationship break-up and Covid, I've only really met my neighbours.  

I suppose it's only time that will help.  

Thanks again for your support. x

HI Mazz,

I know all about unsavory thoughts!

I'm very glad you had such a positive experience.  How long after the mastectomy did you start the chemo?  I won't be starting for 10 weeks, which really concerns me given what I've been told and NICE report I've read online.  The Macmillan nurses I've spoken to say 6-8 weeks, and the NICE report says 31 days!  I mentioned this to the oncologist, and he just said 'Well, in an ideal world...'  I don't want to be poisoned for 4.5 months if it's not going to benefit me!

Good luck with the remaining three cycles.

All the best to you too. xxx

Hi there, I had my surgery on 16 December and my first chemo was 17 Feb, so 8/9 weeks after. I believe that we’re all different, before this happened to me I though breast cancer was breast cancer, but I now realise that each one can be very different and our doctors map out what treatment suits us best. I stopped reading stuff online, it’s very general and can scare the bejeezus out of you. I always used my breast care nurses, they reassured me on many occasions. Best of luck xxxxx

They're called 'FEC-T'.  I only got the info yesterday and haven't read about it yet.  I have leafed through the side effects though, but  am trying not to focus on them.

Thanks. You are under no obligation to read any of it if you don't want to. Since the leaflets list each and every possible side effect, and we are not expected to experience all of these, some people prefer not to put themselves into a "what if" situation, and choose to face things as they come, if they come.

As for the gap from surgery to chemo, my oncologist said at the time that the time frame was, "within three months," (something to do with NHS guidelines.) Different NHS trusts sometimes have varying protocols, though.

Hi, 

I don’t always feel so determined, but tell myself to regardless, sometimes it works, sometimes not. 

Being a forces wife (Army community feel is non existent) and have followed my husband for the past 25 years, relationship issues and no family here, so can understand a little the challenges outside of the diagnosis.

I hope you live in an area you can get out and walk, food for the soul. I’m finding these pages a great comfort, even if just feeling understood. 

Reach out where you can and talk xxxx