Guilt

Hi- I was diagnosed late January with Invasive Lobular Cancer. Stage 2 and have just had my operation.  One week after the operation I still feel like this is happening to someone else and I’m observing from the outside but very much dealing with the pain and discomfort from the op.  The scars are very neat but still real.  I found the same that it was a good news story and to be honest I used this same line when I told everyime

Sorry - when I told everyone.  Everyone will say this, but take one step and one day at a time, each day will feel different and sometimes endless especially waiting for the operation.  I’m here to help in whatever way I can xxx 

Thank you - it’s very odd isn’t it. Yesterday I just felt relieved that it wasn’t worse. Today I can’t move on from the fact I have cancer. Waiting on a couple of test results before they decide if it’s chemo then op or op then radiotherapy. But I may very quickly get to the point where I want to thump the next person who tells me it’s good news xx

Hi

Sorry to hear you have the dreaded C but welcome to this group. I feel the same as you. I have had my surgery and am having the 3rd session of radiotherapy today. I too am relieved it was caught early and the same everyone telling me it’s good they caught it early, but I have Cancer and I still can’t believe I have even though I found out in November. I feel guilty that there are people worse off than myself but I still have it. Or do I ? The op was successful with clear margins and I am having radiotherapy for anything that could be there that they can’t see. So does that make me cancer free or not because of the surgery success ? It’s all very confusing and nobody has actually said what it all means after I finish the radiotherapy. I totally get how you feel it’s like it’s happening to someone else but it’s not. A lovely Macmillan nurse told be at the beginning when I was feeling guilty about not being at work -  Everyones Cancer is different, this is yours, and it will take as long as it takes to heal. Put yourself first for once and look after yourself. 
I dont know if this helps at all but don’t feel alone. Everyone on here has cancer in some way and we are all here to help each other.and answer any questions that we can.

sending hugs x

I am going to put this a little bluntly: the fact that someone may have just lost both legs in a horrible car crash does not make my toothache any less painful. 

Unless this thing ends up killing me, (which is very unlikely,) there is always going to be someone out there whose cancer is more advanced, whose circumstances are trickier, and that does not make my experience of my cancer any different. 

Another thing to remember is that because we are different from each not only by our personalities but also our life experiences and our circumstances, it can and does happen that for one woman getting a diagnosis of early cancer is harder to experience than for another to receive a diagnosis of a more advanced cancer. The misery caused by the diagnosis is not in direct relation to the severity of the medical condition.

It sounds like the people around you are doing their best to try and cheer you up, and it is good to acknowledge that comparing to the other options, this is a relatively good diagnosis. However, they may need to be told that you are now past the point of celebrating this ray of light and now focusing on that fact that, well, it is still cancer, there are still treatments ahead. It's a little as if people are insisting on celebrating that someone did not die in a horrible car crash and try to ignore they are still dealing with the injuries caused in that crash, so sometimes they need to be told to re-focus.

Well put. I can empathise and share how my route has gone but we are all different and react/cope in different ways. Yes mine was caught early too and I'm glad I didn't ignore my lump even though we were coming out of lockdowns but its still a lot to process. Myworry is my swelling and puffy armpit. I wasn't told about lymphoedema or advised to massage boob. After rads, maybe about 2months after, i had cording and thats when my puffiness appeared. I now worry about it coming back but I just have to take life one day at a time xx

Hi Steph, I don’t think the feeling like it’s happening to someone else ever goes away, I was diagnosed last June with Lobular grade 2 and I still can’t believe this has happened and to be honest don’t think I’ll ever get my head around it.

Hi Tired Minion, I haven’t been told to massage my boob and it has swelled quite a bit, have been massaging since rads hoping that it will go down a bit. I was told to moisturise my arm every day, but reading between the lines this is helping the lymph fluid to move. I wish they would just saying moisturise and massage boob and arm as it may help prevent lymphoedema and carry on doing the exercises. 

I diligently did my exercises but waned towards rads starting. I wish they had told me about massaging and carrying on exercises. Moisturised lots too but still lost all the skin under boob which was very painful. Just got posted the radiotherapy leaflet from breast care nurse - she is useless and some info from oncologist who i never met. Wish they told me more. I get to about 5pm and my bra had to come off as boob is hard at bottom with fluid. I've noticed it is still swollen (sideways)  but not as droopy long as my other boob. It does get softer after a rub and a supportive sleep vest on but feeling a bit fed up with it all x

Sounds exactly like mine to be honest, I’m not doing the exercises so much and I wasn’t moisturising so much and about 4 weeks after rads my boob became sore and I had what looked like a blood stain on my node scar. I didn’t think it had gone that far up but they had caught the end of it and it became very painful so I went to see rads nurse. As for all the rest of treatment it’s basically been rubbish, you get told to phone if there’s a problem but you have no one to speak to when you do.