Struggling newbie

 I’m so sorry that you are going through this.  The start of the process and the waiting to find out your treatment plan is really horrific and hard to cope with.  The only thing that got me through it was this site and reading people’s positive stories.  Trying to keep busy and occupied seems to be the thing that most people recommend although I found that really hard to do as I couldn’t focus on anything else.  It does get better once you finally get your treatment plan as breast cancer is very treatable these days.  

We all worry and become convinced that it has spread and assume every pain is cancer but often that is it the case and even when it is there are people on here who still do very well on treatment.

unfortunately you just have to ride out this waiting period as best you can because you will start to feel better once you get your treatment plan.

There is a great thread called AWAKE where lots of us chat or moan or ask for advice and support from each other.  We’re all at different stages and different journeys and some ladies are now cancer free so it’s a great source of support and advice.  Just pop on and say hi, you’ll get a very warm welcome. This should be the link https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/chat-breast-cancer/f/breast-cancer-forum/128753/awake/1546054#1546054  xx

Hi Mandymoo,

Having to wait so long must be so difficult for you. I was diagnosed with stage 3 locally advanced cancer and waited a few tortuous days for my CT scan. I was so luck to be given my CT scan results within an hour. My cancer hadn’t spread. It is possible you will get the same result and there is so much they can do even with stage 3 cancer.

It’s almost impossible to stop your mind from going to dark places and thinking every pain you’ve had could actually be caused by something else. Luckily I only had a couple of days of that.

I know what you mean about taking on the role of the strong person. I’m still doing that to a certain extent. I have put in a sick line though. I just couldn’t face it (community health care keyworker). In fact, the day I received my diagnosis I phoned and said I wouldn’t be in the next day.

I don’t know what else I can say to help you feel better. All I can say is that when I got my treatment plan I felt so much better. It was something to actually focus on. I’ve had my first chemo. OK, I was very tired afterwards but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

The transition from normal life to cancer patient has been extremely rapid for me. Some tearful and anxious moments too. 

I’m really hoping that your news will be good. 

Bluebell xx

Thank you for your message. I think you are right that being on this site will help. I will have a look at the link you have sent. Hopefully the results will be back soon xx

I came here to find support about how to stop the worry being in my every waking thought and found your post. I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. Although I havent officially been given a stage I suspect I am stage 3 and a high grade as my tumour is large and it is in my nodes. It might help you to know that my CT came back as having no spread so it is possible to be where we are without spread. 

I am a housewife, my children have gone back to school and I'm alone with my thoughts so it's no easier 'not being busy like you are. I think it's the stage we are in. There's still so much we don't know and how can we prepare for what we don't know? We can't. Last week I was consumed with spreading fears and this week I am consumed with reacurance fears. There's no pleasing my anxiety and it feels like I am purposefully finding things to fret about. That sounds silly. I guess what I'm saying is that I havent the ability to think rationally at all at the moment so it might help you to know that it might be part of our process just now. 

I am where you are too - how can this become part of life and how can I cope with life with this fear featuring so heavily in it. 

While I can't offer you words of reassurance I can offer you the friendship of just knowing. I feel what you're feeling too. 

Thank you for your message I think it helps talking to people who actually know what your thinking and feeling. That’s great news about your CT scan and can’t wait to get my results back. I find it exhausting just ‘hanging on’ and not letting my anxiety spill over. 
have they discussed a treatment plan with you yet? 
thank you for your kind words I really appreciate it and it does help. 
We must remember to be kind to ourselves and acknowledge that what we are experiencing is huge and it’s ok to struggle. 
I wish you lots of luck and positive vibes. Anytime you need to share please do xx 

Hello MandyMoo71 I have been exactly the same I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago also, this forum has been such a support from people that know and understand. It takes all I have at the moment like you said just ‘hanging on’ from not loosing control of the anxiety, I think every thought has been through my head. Like the other ladies have said we are all here for each other X