Hello,
Im very early on in my cancer journey. I don’t even have my full diagnosis yet but as my breast cancer is already in my liver, pelvis and thigh and bone marrow I was admitted last week as symptoms were debilitating. Since coming in to hospital the care and communication has been atrocious. Everything is now slowing down and only junior Drs are occasionally coming to see me. Yesterday one gave me the wrong info and told me if my platelets down go up I can’t continue with chemo (I’ve had one session so far). As if basically there is nothing they can do. Then he back tracked.
you can imagine how difficult that was to go through. I’ve not been talked through anything, no positives no prognosis. The hospital is busy and the other care needs on the ward are high. I’m up all night being interrupted by people moaning and vomiting. The toilet on the bay is broken and no one has come to fix it.
this is the longest I’ve been away from my children. I do have a history of depression and suicidal ideation. I can turn very quickly. I feel it would be better to give up now so I don’t put them through much else. I just want to go home and recover there between appointments. I have full support at home. But there is no one to speak to here, even the nurses don’t ask how I am. I don’t know what to do.
Im at Charing Cross hospital in London
I am sorry this is all so difficult. Hospitals are not easy places at the best of time and it’s quite common to be in shared rooms with people who are in a lot of difficulty. It’s really unpleasant to be in amongst all the chaos and poor communication when you are trying to get a grip on the extent of disease you have. I think the doctor who told you that you can’t continue with chemo may have been trying to tell you that you can’t have the next infusion until your bloods are in range. It’s too dangerous to do so when your blood counts are too low.
It sounds like you need immediate help with your mental health. Tell the next nurse or doctor you see exactly how you feel and that you need to see a doctor senior enough to help you. They need to know you are in crisis. They also need to explain what has to happen before you can go home and ensure there’s an understood pathway.
I would think carefully about asking for a prognosis. Once you have heard something you can’t unhear it, and you are already aware the cancer is in multiple sites. The reality is they won’t have an accurate view and the task is to get your symptoms under control and improve your quality of life.
I hope things improve a little for you. I am sure it wouldn’t be better for your family if you gave up now.
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I have metastatic Triple Negative Breast Cancer, in remission
