Reaching Out - How do I cope?

One day at a time. It is hard being a coper if that’s a word. We keep going smile and say” I’m fine”. Every now and then though the shit hits the fan. On that day you don’t cope. You cry till you feel dehydrated. The next day you wake up and you manage again. 
You are not doing it wrong because there isn’t a right way. There is your way.

i had a visitor one day. An old friend. She was expected so the make up was on, the nicest scarf. As she left my OH grabbed my scarf off my head. I laughed and waved goodbye. Naturally I wasn’t best pleased with him and demanded to know why he had done it. He explained that I look well, I smile and laugh and get on with it. But he felt at that moment she should see it wasn’t all a bed of roses. Seeing my bald head showed my friend it wasn’t easy at all. 

Sometimes you have to let someone in to see how you really feel. That’s why this site is so good. It is much easier to tell strangers how you feel. The strangers become trusted friends who know just what you are going through. You get through because we are much stronger than we anticipate and before we know it we are out the other side. Meanwhile one day at a time. Make sure your boss knows how hard it is, be kind to yourself and use that support network 

You will be fine, Big hugs. 

Hello,

Everyone has days like you have just experienced. It's totally normal. I expect if you ask the others in your chemo unit, they will tell you the same. And certainly most of the posters on the BC threads know exactly how you feel. In addition chemo is accumulative. Some of the nausea might be reaction to the drug. 

I think you should be very proud of what you have achieved so far. There was no way I could have worked through chemo or radiotherapy. Luckily I had retired but I certainly didn't have that much energy.

I know it is difficult when you've always helped others but you must give yourself some time now. Perhaps this is the point where you should take advantage of the fact that you are entitled to take sick leave? Maybe your body is ready for some rest....or at least being in position to take it if you need it. Certainly you must stop worrying about other people's problems. For a few months, your own are the most important.

I know the end always seems far away but you are over half way now. It goes quicker than you think. I had TNBC too in 2015. Fortunately it hasn't returned. I am vigilant and always go for my annual mammogram and ultrasound but so far all has remained clear.

Take care of yourself and I hope the rest of your treatment goes well.

God bless you and thank you for your response, you know and tell yourself that you are not the only one going through it and that in itself is a motivator, but it is also reassuring to know that it s ok not to be ok sometimes. Your reply and strength was just what I needed thank you ️

Thank you what great advice and kind words, sometimes you just cant see the woods through the trees. 

Fantastic news about the C, thank you for sharing with me, ️

Hey JackieT 

I also have a TNBC diagnosis, have completed 12 weeks of chemo with immunotherapy and am moving onto the "Red One" today for 3 x 3 weekly cycles.

The weekly chemo for TNBC is no small undertaking and I've spent a lot of time in the "business mode" of getting it done but I have felt a lot weepier in the last few weeks than when I first started out. When you're stuck in the loop of treatment, feeling ill from treatment, having one or two days ok days, then straight back to treatment again, it takes its toll! Lack of sleep because of the heat, being on extended sick leave from work and not being able to participate in normal life in general have contributed to this for me.

You're not doing anything wrong. I'll be that cheery one in chemo that you might think has a good handle on it all but I'll also be the one that breaks down at home two days later. For me the best way to deal with how I'm feeling is to talk about it. Posting here is an excellent step. If you don't have a counsellor, I would personally recommend looking into this. Mine has been a godsend and you can ask your BCN to refer you. Breast Cancer Now also has a very active forum for connecting with others and provides other services where you can speak to people so I suggest you check out their website if you haven't already. The condition and its treatments can be very isolating so having that support network is really important.

I'm also a "supporter" and I remember back to a conversation I had many months ago about this at a cancer care review with my GP when she told me "now's the time to be self-focused". She was right, but I know this can be hard to do if you're used to spending so much time trying to make sure everyone else is happy. 

I do hope you find a way through it all that works for you and don't ever forget you're not alone. You just need to know where to look for your tribe in this. 

All the best. x

Thank you,  you hit every nail on the head and put my feelings into words. The process is challenging and relentless and gets tougher, but your words are a great comfort to me to know that I am ok and what I feel is normal. 

I will definitely look into the counselling as I do feel it is probably something I would benefit from.

Good luck with the red one and everything that follows and thank you for taking the time to respond to me. Xx

Hi JackieT 

i am sorry you are going through this and feeling confused, lost and afraid. When you see other people who seem to be coping, you have no idea what goes on behind the mask. We all react and cope differently but I doubt there’s anyone who has had a breast cancer diagnosis who hasn’t had those days when their world seems to be spinning the wrong way round. Having a tnbc diagnosis makes it harder because we can’t help seeing the horror stories. Not being able to have some of the possible treatments makes us worry.

You are not doing anything wrong. If there are days when you need to give into your feelings, or have a rant, then do so. Slowly but surely you will progress through treatment. My own experience of EC was that I came to appreciate the latter half of each cycle because I felt normal. Plan some nice things for those times. 

Thank you so much i wish I had shared my feelings earlier the support on this forum is amazing. Every single person's journey is so similar to mine and that perspective is valuable.

Take care and thank you.

We are always here. I have been living with metastatic tnbc for over 4 years and have always appreciated the mutual support.