Caring for husband whilst having breast cancer

Oh bless you, PollyG1 so sorry you both had this trouble. Does your husband have any carers apart from you? Does he have equipment to help (transfer board etc? I was an
 OT before retiring many years ago) 

if he has any ongoing needs it might be worth you both talking to adult social services in your area to see if they could advise, certainly for the short term while you recover. 

I cared for my hubs who had really bad arthritis and eventually used a powered wheelchair everywhere but in the house, then had kidney cancer so the last year of caring was tough, and a while afterwards my bc recurred (sneaked behind the implant I had in 2018) and last year I had a a few months with surgery and radiotherapy, now on 2 meds to prevent any further recurrence. So I understand the caring role and how much it can impact on your life. 

I hope you can both get something like a reassessment of your joint needs quickly.

hugs xxx

Hi Moony.

Thank you for the reply. 

He does have a powered wheelchair and a transfer board. The OT has been out and assessed him and he has a commode thing that fits over the toilet . He does manage most of the time however sometimes he doesn't make it on time which is really frustrating.  I think when I posted I was really just venting . 

Oh bless you, I understand, I too was faced with clearing the bathroom floor which took quite a while, so I understand the need for a ‘vent’! Rest assured, it’s what the site is for, and there will often be someone around with experiences who can empathise and come up with ideas to help where and if needed. It might still be helpful to you both if just for a short time, you both had a bit of help? Might your GP surgery have any links to carer arrangements? (Trouble is, not everything happens to time when they are there, as I know too well - my incident was without carers being there, it was after hubs had taken to his bed for his last weeks!) 

hugs xxx

Thank you for understanding, not a lot of people do . We do have carers come in to help but as you pointed out the timing can be out. I also have to get him up and ready 3 times a week as he has dialysis and on those days he gets picked up at 6 30 so it's too early for the carers. I know my cancer journey is just beginning and I'm so worried that going forward I won't be able to cope.  People keep telling me how strong I am but right now I'm not feeling it. 2 days post op and it's hurting pretty badly today . 

Oh bless you! Take time out and rest up much as you can, but do those shoulder exercises of course. Keep up with pain relief too. Sometimes node removal can be almost more problematic, pain-wise, than the rest of the surgery. I had sentinel nodes removed prior to my first mx (we’d a disabled holiday flat booked and my surgeon wanted to work round that, bless her) and that was worse than the mx with implant for pain! 

Hopefully that pain should ease soon, please seek help from BCN if it doesn’t. 

hugs xxx

Being a carer is fine until the carer is unwell.I care for our profoundly disabled daughter and we arranged for paid carers to come in 4 times a day starting at 6.00am.We had two at a time through social services.my first op was in oct and then 2nd op in dec and had carers till new years day till i could lift her again,so there is help out there,they  are just so stretched  they are happy if you can COPE,which is the key word they listen out for having been a carer for 42 years I would ring your local social services and tell them you are struggling and need temporary help. it would cost them an arm and a leg to put your husband in temporary care while you rest,they always go for the cheapest option.kind regards

Sorry..I have only just seen this reply.  Things have been a little easier.  My husband is managing to do more on his own. I am having further surgery next week as there are some pre cancerous cells still there . It's all a bit overwhelming..today I cried for the first time since my diagnosis. 

Bless you, hoping the further surgery is more straightforward and your hubs continues to be more able. 

cryjng can be healing but please do seek help if things get on top of you, even talking it through with one of the nurses on the phone line can help, 0808 808 0000.

hugs xxx

Thank you moomy..I will call if I feel too overwhelmed.  Xx