Almost 3 years post diagnosis I’m trying to come to terms with moving away from hometown 30 years ago

4 replies
268 subscribers
511 views

Hello everyone, it’s two years since active treatment (chemo, double mastectomy, radiotherapy). I am on Anastrazole for another 8 years. Like everyone on here, my diagnosis pulled the rug from under my feet. I have gone through an emotional rollercoaster, then a period of being grateful for everyday and all the small things, I have now got myself into an awful pickle that I can’t move beyond.
30 years ago I relocated 300 miles. I did it for work, but have now realised that I made a huge mistake. I am so dreadfully homesick. I shouldn’t have moved away. I’ve just come across my old flat on the internet, and it brought back lovely memories of my beautiful cat (she died 20 years ago), my lovely allotment, the wonderful parks and river walks and other nice things.
I do now live in a very beautiful place, with very low crime. I have an allotment here, wonderful supportive friends, and a good social life and community activities. I am very lucky.
But, I miss home dreadfully. Having looked at Rightmove, I can just about scrape together enough to move back. But I know I cannot recreate what I had before. For example, the allotment waiting list has 497 people on it (that’s crazy!).
I am tormenting myself by focussing on the mistake that I made 30 years ago. I guess people will say that I should focus on the good things where I currently live. But I think my emotions have got tangled up with my diagnosis, and the fear of recurrence that we all have. I don’t want to feel miserably homesick after all Ive been through. So should I take the emotional plunge and move back. Or am I being unrealistic as it is 30 years on. I do visit the area (to see my dad) and when I am there it emotionally feels like I never moved away, and that I am in a square peg in a square hole. Has anyone else regretted (after diagnosis) huge mistakes they made - or is it just me being silly?

Irishgirl16 over 2 years ago

Hi @cloudier, it sounds like you're having a bit of a dilemma, I hope you can work it through. I find now, post diagnosis, that my outlook on things has generally changed. I am much more relaxed and chilled out, especially at work, and I think it makes me a better person. Not really answering your question, sorry, but I do think cancer can change us. Best of luck with what you decide

Cloudier over 2 years ago in reply to Irishgirl16

Thank you. Until now, I was the same as you describe, and definitely about work. I was in quite a good place. Your answer has reminded me of that. X

Lfc74 over 2 years ago

Hi, i think your feelings are very valid and diagnosis often makes us clearer in want we want and need - this can be both good and bad.

The romantic in me says go for it follow yoyr heart and dreams, but the realist says you have all the things that you are yearning for already albeit in a different location.

Was your decision to move a mistake you have stayed 30 years and built a good life?? My advice, make a list of pros and cons and think if you would have a better life, if you where to move.

The sensible thing is to think how well supported you would be financially, emotionally and from a health point of view. Would this dream still meet your needs in another 10 years?

Could you maybe rent foe 6 months and test the water?.

Wishing you all the best with this xxx

Cloudier over 2 years ago in reply to Lfc74

Thank you for getting back to me. I would have access to more hospitals, although the care I received here for breast cancer was excellent. I can’t fault it.
You are right, I do have all I need here. Would I have the emotional support that I have at the moment if I moved? I think not. Thank you for raising that. I do have a good life here, and you are right, moving back might not meet my needs in 10 years time. I am 62, and it’s a tad harder when you are older.
Maybe Im over thinking it, but perhaps I am wanting to turn the clock back to a time before I was diagnosed. The truth is that wherever I live, I cannot do that.
If I am brutally honest with myself, I did make a mistake moving away. But the reason why I did that was because I felt lost at the time. I was at sea without an anchor. I am loved here, and I both receive and give care and support amongst friends.

thank you for pointing out these things xx

More from this forum

Almost 3 years post diagnosis I’m trying to come to terms with moving away from hometown 30 years ago