This is a bit of an odd one as I´m not even sure if I can explain how I feel but I thought of all the people who would probably get what I mean, it´d be you lovely lot.
So, I had a friend come over earlier in the week. We´re not super close but friendly, I like her and we have friends in common,
She´s going through a very hard time at the moment as she´s just got divorced and everything is raw and painful. We spent a long time chatting about that which was fine because I wanted to know how she was. And then just before she went, she asked me how I was doing with my treatment etc and I felt like I had to cram a lot of info into a very short space of time which was a bit rushed and hard tbh 
Anyway as she was leaving, we were in the hall and she starts to get really tearful and pulls me to one side in a confidential way (my husband and son were in the lounge next door) and tells me that she wants to say thank you because I, along with a couple of other catalysts, made her finally realise that life was too short for staying in her unhappy marriage.
I told her I was pleased she´d decided to make a positive change for herself but I didn´t really do anything, and she said I had.
What I´m finding a bit weird/hard about this is that I´ve been diagnosed with breast cancer just like any other 1 in 8 women could be, it wasn´t a purposeful decision so I could make people realise stuff about their lives 
Plus, it´s all very well my friend saying thank you, I´ve made this big change because of you but meanwhile I´m in this crappy (but apparently inspiring?!) situation unable to change a damned thing!
I know she meant it genuinely and would be upset to think she´d caused this weird after-effect from her comment so of course, I won´t say anything to her about it.
But do you see where I´m coming from with it though?
I 100% see where you’re coming from . This kind of scenario shall be added to the ever growing list of stupid / unthinking things people say and do !
Although I’m sure she didn’t mean any harm and was trying to make you feel good about helping her ( even though you didn’t intentionally 
♀️) I just cannot get over how selfish people are , I mean cmon fgs , it’s cancer , thrust upon us whether we like it or not , it doesn’t come with a superhero cape !
Anyway, hope you’re ok , depending on the mood I was in , I might have snapped back at her , not helpful I know lol
Hope you’re ok
Love & hugs
L xx
Hi lovely
nice to meet you but sorry it’s on here for this reason 
your ex can bog off ! Unbelievable!
Hope you’re doing as ok as possiblel
love L xx
Owww dear Doria, and Dollydimple ...... I totally, totally relate to what you are say and I would guess that virtually all of us has gone through something similar at the start of 'our' journeys......
I hope this helps and makes you see 'you have to look out for yourself..... no one else will' and I'll add something that my hubby says and I don't like to agree with what he says but I know it is true in many situations..... he says the people that want to be in your life will be in it - the ones that turn up or phone out of the blue will very rarely do it for our benefit - its because 'they want something' - we are just person they either need for what they want or they can off load all their troubles and we listen and take them on - they go away feeling refreshed and we remain drained.
Sorry, side tracked, I don't know if I have been strange with my journey but it was the reaction of a 'school friend of some '50 years' (we go from daily contact to weekly and back again, phone calls, visits, always there when needed (although I didn't fully realised this at the time - it was one sided). anyways......
At the time of my diagnosis, the 'waiting time' - the whole life turned upside down and not know what future lies ahead and how long - I did not want to confide in my mother due to her age (90's) and how they perceive 'that' word. I can count on one hand how many close friends - even friends I have and still have spare fingers. As I say I was at the very start so I was in 'my own world - looking at the what if's, the different treatments etc.
So out of the blue my friend arrived at my house, she was telling me her father was very poorly and I was trying to support her - all the time thinking 'I hope she doesn't stay long' - I was suggesting thing etc and time was carrying on, so I opened up, I said I'd been had mammogram and was waiting results on biopsy - (okay she might not of known how to react, but it made me feel I will never say this to anyone else if they tell me...... she said, no, no, you'll be fine, it won't be anything, it will be okay. (arrrghh) and with that she went.... saying she had to go now as she needed to pick her husband up - he was looking after her father!!
She went and I though - I can't believe this, I really can't and that 'you'll be fine sentence' felt so 'don't give a sh*te'. So I left it all as it was and carried on with my state of shock and letting whole situation sink in and back to what type of treatments are out there.....
Fast forward 2 weeks or so, I have results and now I am looking into treatments and how I can have operation and radiotherapy without my dear mum cottoning on to there is something wrong...... doorbell goes it is my 'friend' again, just on way over to dads thought I'd call in and say hello (I'm thinking - oww that's nice, however could do without this as I have my own demands and want to sort this treatment out - if I'm honest I wished I hadn't answered the door)..... its around 6:30pm she comes in sits down, makes herself at home, I make drinks, she talks about her dad and that he is very poorly (her dad was such a lovely man - I genuinely feel sorry for her). We talked about my situation and I get back the 'you'll be fine' just go and get operation over and done with - I 'try' to say my concerns - totally ignored, its now around 10:15pm - I'm thinking 'please go home' ...... she says, could I stay the night (I don't have a spare bed, she has slept on cough over the years, so can't really say no - but I am thinking 'you should be at your dads' - only to be told that her partner was staying with her father and she had said she would go first thing to pick husband up when the nurses come in for the day care!! (I couldn't believe it)...... await - it gets worse....
Sadly, her father passes away, we go to funeral. I have my operation a few days later ...... I receive a text saying that she now has a lot on and hasn't got time to be in touch however ...... 
she will RSVP me when things settle down!!!!!
..... from that day to this - I have not heard from her!! 50+ years of friendship, I have been there through thick and thin (and that can relate to weight as well 
the moment I needed support 'nothing' ....
Moral of this story is anyone that reads this 'with this situation expect the unexpected - people you think will be there 'won't be - people you don't know will be more supportive and the best thing is - the Fruit Loops on here are THE BEST - they understand, the can offer guidance, they can listen, make you laugh, lift you up whilst your crying - and you know what..... the Fruit Loops on this site got me though. I have only told 4 maybe 5 people - extended family don't know ....... my reason, I don't want the nosey sympathy, find out and then go off and tell the world and his wife - for me to become 'that' and then 'me' - my friend made me feel like this, maybe I should tell more people - but what can they do, its only me that can do it - so for this reason I will try to keep going on and smiling and telling everyone I am fine (I am - I am, just need some energy.
If you're still away reading this - I think what I am trying to say is....... people are selfish, you see it more whilst in this situation, but...... in a way we are the lucky ones; we have being guided to look at life different - once that treatment plan is under way - the roller coaster ride starts and soon you'll be finishing that ride and starting off as a new person - with inner strength and a better outlook on life..... it will happen!!
Sorry I have rambled xxxxx
Whathappened, I can relate to most of your story too but the friend not contacting you is very self centered of her, you won’t be worrying if she doesn’t come near again but will maybe prey on your mind. I’ve experienced weird reactions too however, when I met my brother in law after he heard my diagnosis, he came close to me and asked “ how are you? are you going to be ok?” I replied that I hope so after all my treatment. He just winked and said … good, just get on with it eh …
I actually felt him to be so genuine and full of care and the fact that he didn’t give me the omg are you ok, shocked and head tilting. I met him again at family meal and he discretely mouthed you d
ng ok ? , I just nodded , smiled and that was it. I prefer this interaction, not ignoring my problem but discretely letting me know they have not forgotten what I’m going through. Workmates now I’m ck at work let me talk , are genuinely interested and don’t probe too much plus humour is brought in too. Yes, I look at things differently too now and try not get worked up at things now as I did p cancer. I love the wee message at the end whathappened, one of my fave’s. I’ve rambled here sorry
