AWAKE.........

Ok I am knackered now, just got back

sleep, definitely in need of some sleep so I think I may and try some sleep now. If nothing else I can rest.

GBear for you xxxx

Oooh, so much has gone on since I was last online - been down in Devon looking after my Mum for the past few days - no 'net there!  

I have read back but  I will definitely NOT remember everything that people have been through to mention them individually, so sending everyone who needs them healing hugs! 

Hi everyone had lovely day in Manchester yesterday for sons 19th birthday. Went for meal and then shopping in quirky book shops we like .  WHY then at night do I end up breaking down in tears  for goodness sake. I have a lovely time then I get so sad as I want these lovely times forever with my hubby and children  I want my carefree days back so much. Sorry I know I should be grateful for today and I truly am so grateful but this fear I still get. I wish it would go I try so hard. Rant over xxx smile back on. Xxxx

Optimistic, firstly I am very pleased to hear you had a lovely day yesterday. I think we can all relate to the breaking down at night. It's quiet, we feel alone and it's when we have all our thoughts and dreams rushing around our heads. Hence the reason the AWAKE thread started!

Its NORMAL Hun, perfectly normal. You had a day that you allowed yourself to be the old you, lots of laughing, smiling and relaxing. And you know what Hun, there will be many, many more days like this in your lifetime. But in return for the good times we now have to expect the outpouring of emotions, the what ifs, the thinking of our mortality. Birthdays whether ours or a family members, will always bring out thoughts of 'how many more' will I be around for! Well we can't take those feelings away, so all we/you can do when these moments come, is remind yourself that right now you are 'NED' so there is no reason why you won't be there next year for your sons 20th! At which point you will enjoy another day of celebration! No point looking any further, let's just take it a year at a time!

You my friend have nothing to apologise for, in the last few weeks you have had many happy and supportive posts. You have been doing really well and that's fantastic progress. We all have 'bad' days and that's allowed. Remember even before BC you would of had down days! No one is 'happy' all of the time! It's just our bad thoughts come in waves now. But just remember you aren't drowning in these waves now, you are asking for support and allowing us to pull you on to our life raft to help you over the difficult waves, before lowering you off to swim along side again :-) You are doing great Hun! I can't wait to give you a REAL well done hug! Just a few more weeks to wait! Xxx

Well Done GBear, hope you are enjoying a snooze or a nice bubble bath ;-) Sounds like you deserve a rest! Very Proud of you! 

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Well done to GBear and Dad for your charity walk, good on ya xxx

LondonLass green tea 1st thing in a morning but make sure you get up a bit earlier. It's awful but does make you go xxx

Glad you had a nice day in Manchester Optimistic it's maybe because you felt so happy and just want it to go on. Sometimes I think aww I'm happy and then get scared cos nothing ever lasts. 

Love to everyone xxx

Optimistic....aww,I want to cry with you xx.....

GBear....yes,I agree,meant to say sooner...good on you and your Dad for doing the Charity run,,,esp as you said you might wheel there....what a brick you are xx

Optimistic glad you had a lovely day and have to agree with everything Sal said ( I love the life raft idea).I can see how much more positive you have been lately and it gives me hope for myself too.

I've had another day doing nothing..... lovely though. Had loads of photos printed a few weeks ago and have spent the day framing some of them, normally that would make me cry but not today it brought memories back. Then family face-timed and as I was talking to son I heard a little voice shouting 'grandma grandma where's grandma' then she realised I was on the phone and came over... she chatted non-stop for about 5 minutes- half of which was double dutch- kissing the phone and me pretending to tickle her- she was laughing her head off then suddenly said ' no more talk grandma bye bye' blew kisses and was gone!  We had to laugh when son came back on he said I was upstaged by peppa pig!

Again, would normally shed tears after the call but no it was another lovely memory to store. 

I am so going to try and get to the meet so I can hug all you wonderful friends.

xx

Yeah I fell asleep I was exhausted, I did walk abit but was getting sorer and sorer and so tired couldn’t understand but my Dad enjoyed himself pushing me around I kept trying to help him as I had a self propelled wheelchair I borrowed. Where we were we had to pass some pretty aggressive swans who were none too pleased. We passed them going back and they were abit more calmer. I think I over did it yesterday but it’s the nature of the beast really. I have to except my bad days as well as my good days. I wouldn’t mind so much but I healed up well with the hysterectomy if only I didn’t have the other problems I would be great.

If you take away the car this is what we had to run the gauntlet with. 

I bumped into someone at work who said that they maybe able to match the money raised, I will not believe it till it happens but if they do then I think we would of raised a fantastic amount.

so fingers crossed there. But today was also about me trying to overcome obstacles too, the weather was ok, the wind was cold and my hands were like icicals but every time the sun came out it was pretty pleasant.

i think I will sleep tonight better then last night I hope.