AWAKE.........

Hi Londonlass ,

I hope your asleep now , I've had a similar night tossed and turned most night, brain seems to be in overdrive of things I want to do , can't even blame it on being too hot tonight as it seems to of cooled down a little at night here plus fans working overdrive lol

Think I might just start my day and go and have a soak in the bath to see if that settles me back off for an hour 

Hope you've managed some sweet dreams 

Lisa xx

Night Owls vs Early Birds ?  lol

So true can't decide which I am yet, love the pictures never learnt how to find them myself lol xx

Morning Lisa and Baki, hope you both managed a few more hours sleep! I managed a couple. Which is better than nothing!! BUT........

Starting to wonder if I'll ever sleep properly again! But if not at least I will always have company on here, there's always someone around :-)

Wishing everyone a lovely day ((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))) xxx

Hi LondonLass and Loubie

Thanks for your supportive replies. I managed a couple of hours of interrupted sleep and woke up with a sore bad throat. I can't cancel because they're his friends and I wanted to sort of repay him. The trouble is that I am so angry at myself for going out of my way to please him and his people. I should not have been courteous to those who missed my mom's funeral and didn't bother to apologise. I've been telling myself that I've always gone out of my way all my life. I have another supper planned for Tuesday that I might cancel.

Like most of us, I want to lead my previous normal life but dread the day when I shall be unable to carry on with my daily routine. I want to move out so that I don't put others through this ordeal. I have started thinking of my body as "this body" because I don't consider it as me. I consider it as a body that has been assigned to me. It has let me down. These are the thoughts and concerns that are keeping me awake all the time. 

I tried therapists before but found out that it is my ailment that makes me think this way. I need breaks from these thoughts but nothing else can help.

I hope that you are able to put down what's borhering you so that you can deal with it instead of it making you stay awake. For me moving out will make me less of a burden on others. But the fear of being socially judged and shunned is what is making my husband hang on to me. Like all other men he is surely craving to end this and start a new life with a fresh younger healthier fun girl.

Hi Baki, have sent you a private message, but just wanted to add......

REMEMBER WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! xxxxxxx

Hi Baki , 

Your feelings are totally normal and I'm sure you husband can't imagine life without you at any time let alone being now, we try to protect everyone and think we are being kind by shutting them out and pushing them away, but it doesn't help us or them, I've seen this from both myself and my dad doing this to our family

Stay close to your family and friends and enjoy all the time you have hopefully you will have many more years

Just listen to your body and don't punish yourself for what has happened it's nothing you could change just enjoy what you have now to face

I know I probably sound so uplift but it's took me a year to get there and accept the life I now have, I ask all the questions and take all the therapies and medications I can so that I can function every day and at last asked for help with my mind set which has helped me so much, but you will know what you need to do when the time is right it will all slip  into place

Hope this helps you , but remember talking always helps 

Sending you a ((((supportive hug))))

Xxx

Beautifully said Lisa, now I know why I find your friendship so rewarding. Such wise and supportive words for Baki. You really are a fantastic support and I appreciate everything you have helped me with over the last year! Or however long it's been. 

You have become a very special friend and I am grateful that our paths crossed, even if it took Cancer for it to happen!

Time for a...........

Lots of Love and Hugs to Everyone who needs one today xxxxx

A Day full of hot flushes and pain! A trip in to town which should of been nice, but it was horrid. Each shop I went in I ended up dripping with sweat, so bloody embarrassing :-( I looked like I had been running for miles :-( Went to pay for some stuff and I could see the girl looking at me :-( I hate it, really hate it...........JUST........

Poor you londonlass.my hot sweats seem to be getting worse these days.its bloody awful isn't it?i was waiting at the Gp's yesterday and the receptionist said rather loudly 'sorry the air conditioning isn't working'.used to feel really hot but not look any different so could get away with it but now I seem to be dripping and they're getting more frequent.damn this tamoxifen 

Anne aka sweaty Betty