Been catching up on pages and pages before getting gremlind out! So much fun on a smartphone with no go to page X facility so I have to read in reverse anyway....
On the plus side it means you don't get my full on grouch and sorry for self. Have had a nasty gastro type bug...always did hate nausea and since gastrectomy of course mind whirls. The good news is that all is calming down though still feel rubbish with yeuck head.
Add into the mix my man...though I have decided I will live...he may very well not! It is a good job that even using my eyes was too painful otherwise...he may be an ex...in the most definite sense.
I did read of and seaspirit44 or (sorry mind not alert) and their problems with their other halves. Hmmm interesting phrase that...I am not too sure that half is all we are required to contribute to a relationship with some folk! I was feeling VERY uncharitable towards partners needs and am still not impressed with 'spoiling it for them' notions.
Nobody asked to be in our situation and we don't get to make it not affect life ' for bits of time ' or certain events and we don't give ourselves credit for the amount of chutzpah we haul at getting on with ANYTHING!
Sheesh aren't you glad this is the ameliorated version : )
My man doesn't cope with me being ill in any shape. He was living away during my diagnosis, surgery and recovery but any minor ailment is an issue. Yes he has problems arising from his childhood with a very toxic and manipulative family, yes he has problems which may be Personality Disorder or Aspergers ( I have worked a lot with autism and he does not easily fit the spectrum profile!)
He is not unintelligent... except when it works in his favour to appear so! Often he is just unreasonable, arrogant, selfish and mostly HARDWORK!
He will cheerfully tell people it is best for him to ignore me when I am Ill...but he doesn't mean not fuss, he means act like I am invisible and still do things that will make me worse, go out for hours and even when back not check that I am still breathing never mind need glass of water etc.
Can I just add that of course I do understand that partners have tough times too and that their world is truly shaken.
It just happens that this episode has come after a few challenging weeks in which I have discovered that my man has, without advice, stopped and reduced his diabetes meds while happily telling his specialist that he intends to enjoy Christmas. This involves weeks and weeks of eating and drinking to excess!!
He has also without advice,stopped one of his mental health meds!!! Explains some things but of course 'he doesn't need it'
Also, I hate smoking and when he moved back I was thrilled he had moved to vapour pen. Smoking and diabetes are a bad mix and his blood sugar numbers were off the charts - in the 30s . Now however, he is back to smoking...largely because he is back on cannabis... which again I disapproved of... not least because of contact with dealers, the expense, the health risks but also because of secondary smoking and it STINKS.
At first he smoked outback or by open door but now house and everything in it stinks.
I staggered out of bed yesterday amid his frenzied 'have to put Christmas up' . Most of the decorations are mine that he took without asking when he moved into this place, his place. I said ' I wouldn't put up the cloth things ( beautiful stockings etc that I noticed already nailed to mantel!) Why? I replied ' because they will smell and you can't wash them'.
He ranted what's the point of owning them if never use them etc. He is in a phase of throwing stuff out if not being used right now but that's another winj. I thought of the least incendiary response and said ' you can hang them in a non smoking house'
He was speechless and bulgy eyed and said.....' I am having a fag!'
Good Evening or Good Day - I was just going to bed and thought I’ll just have a quick pop online and have a look, when I seen your post I have had to reply albeit a small reply as I am closing my eyes as I type, I felt I just needed to give you a great big hug.
It seems some people have “other half’s” That will do everything for their partner, look into all treatments available, care for them, wait on them hand, foot and finger, or you can get the ones that ignore you, tell you to get over it, tell you everything is okay now, or just carry on with their life leaving you to struggle along
I have been with my other half for many, many years. He will do anything for me..... after I’ve had to moan and moan, yet since diagnosis I don’t know if he’s not wanted to face up to this or he doesn’t understand how much I need his support. I have been told every thinks okay and I should move forward now, doesn’t want to hear about it. This is easier said than done, as we all know.
With regards to smoking I stopped smoking eight years ago and do not like to be around smoke, especially after BC diagnosis, I’m not one of these ‘you need to stop smoking’ - I just don’t want to inhale the smoke or smell it - as for all I know I could’ve smoking again in no time, so I try to avoid whenever possible. For your other half to smoke in the house I do feel is very disrespectful of you and your condition If you smoke then this would be a different story. I see no reason why he cannot go outside and smoke knowing how you feel about this and with the diagnosis.
So much for this been a short reply, what I will say for now is concentrate on yourself, concentrate on getting yourself back together, focus on you, then slowly look at the situation you’re in. Ask him to respect you with regards to smoking in the house, tell him the things you want him to do and not to do.
I know they take it hard (hmm I sometimes question this), mrsox says to me - sometimes they find it hard to show how they feel, however, this truly does not help as it just gives us an extra burden or worry on top of everything else we have going on.
You have gone through so much, especially with him not being there for the diagnosis and your treatment, he will also see that you are not the person that you was back then, you will be more grounded and I think most of us can’t handle ‘trivial stuff’ or we see a lot of things different.
Rant away - if it helps you feel better and remember most of all ‘you are not alone’ - lets hope this is a blip
(My thoughts... very selfish and silly with his medication and he should ‘not’ be going off out without letting you know what is going on or where he is going - this seems (sorry to the men on here - you might be exceptions though) this seems like a typical man thing.
(Any of our lovely men on here - have you any thoughts or suggestions that could help).
Deep breaths Shimmer - Deep breaths
tomorrow is a new day -
sending love and big tight hugs xxxxx
I'm hoping this makes sense - only my mind says one thing and my fingers type whatever they like x
Some had gone home by the time I remembered to take photos but here are the stragglers.
