AWAKE.........

The form filling was t as bad as it used to be, and i think the welfare officer went abit white when my heart rate dropped very low, all i was doing was seating but it did drop from 115 to 46 in a few minutes, this is what keeps happening and it’s abit worrying. Maybe the reduction of the meds will help trouble is i am getting pain at night again but so exhausted it’s actually making me sleep which is good but i wake with a start often which doesn’t do my heart much good. I am on week 2 of med reducing lets see if it helps. I will wait till after my kidney op on the 6 th because by then I will know if it’s actually starting to work or not. I cant believe it’s taken so long to work out why I keep having strange dizxy spells, if it hadnt got worse and more often or if i hadnt had this monitor on I wouldn’t know.. She was really good actually and explained about the assessment i am bound to have and what to expect and remember there not your friends.   I am hoping i dont have to have an assessment but realise it’s how it is. 

LP i think was actually pretty chilled out in another environment and was ever so good.

Hope you all get some sleep xx

Glad it wasn't too bad GBear. Are they doing anything about your heart problem? Take care xxx

Oh no LondonLass, not again. Insomnia is so awful. Big hugs xxxx

Judith xx

Goodnight Everyone Sleep well. Judith xx

Thanks for the hugs seaspirit44.

Tonight.........

Oh how I wish I could just drop off to sleep, just like I used too!!  

GBear, glad things went okay and LP behaved. I was awarded PIP without having to go to a face to face interview. Although they had spoken to my BCN and Hospice Nurse! Fingers crossed for you! It's not a huge amount, but every little helps! Xx

Hope EVERYONE is sleeping soundly!

Love to all. Sal xxxx

Hi seaspirit44 my GP is currently got me reducing my amtripilene (think thats how it’s spelt) in the hope that it helps my heart rate. Its only been well just over a week and i am in the well if it takes time for tge body to adjust so i am going to give it a good chance to work. With my kidney op being on the 6 th that will be 3 weeks of doing the tablet reduction if it works great, but if not then the GP is looking at getting me an echo cardigram just to check out for heart blocks, and sending me to see a cardiologist (well what’s one more specialist in the scheme of things?) I am in the part denial about it all and part hopefully it will work feeling.  Although i am starting to get more pain especially at night, but my body has been so exhausted it’s shutting down for a sleep alot, so sleeping at night more, which is good but not feeling rested after which is abit annoying because I thought sleeping more i would awake refreshed. Of course I also think after today will help as its my friends funeral, trying so hard not to upset myself too much because it puts a strain on my heart and my friend would be giving me a good telling off for hurting myself and i can hear him telling me to calm. One of the last things he said to me was “its time you looked after yourself and put all your energy into that, i can tell your holding so much pain back, so you need to look after yourself “ or words to that effect. I kept saying i kept getting these weird dizzy spells and couldn’t understand why but I noticed that tgey were coming on more and it was painful when tgey did and my health tracker watch has been a life saver because it has a heart rate monitor on it and i found out from the GP that its accurate as my reading and theres were tge same, but tge watch has been a life saver simply because its helped find out out what is happening, now just need to know why. But I know now why i wasnt recovring from the cancer it was because other things had been put under strain and are ‘wobbling’ like my kidneys and now my heart. Its good for my mental health that I know what the problem is now just got to look at it its cause. I know its a very serious condition but i am trying to take steps to not stress it too much, one of the reasons why now i am glad I decided to try for pip again because it was bad enough with my kidney but this aswell now and I didn’t know it was the heart till i had already got the pip form so the welfare officer has put everthing in, I wouldn’t mind but i look so healthy and fit, its surprising what our bodies mask.

LondonLass i wish you could sleep and feel rested, i don’t believe how long you have had to suffer insomnia for such extended period of time, but like you’ve said before its been like this for a long time but i can still send you hopes that you can at least rest if sleep doesn’t want to work for you, then rest needs to be your new best friend. Perhaps LP needs to share his secrets with you on how he sleeps so well. Yet he is so full of energy and encouragement and alittle mischievous at times. Parhaps its this......

Sending you a massive hug you’ve always been here for everyone, and everyone wishes you can get some sleep and feel so much better even if all any of us can do is send you a hug.

.

Hope you all have a good one!

I'm off to Birmingham this morning for a girlie weekend! It's with my mum, sisters,nieces and a family friend! We are off to Cadburys World tomorrow for my sisters birthday. Really looking forward to it, but a bit worried that I won't be able to keep up with them all! I know they will all understand if I need a rest BUT it's hard admitting you can't do what you should be able to do! Especially when I'm the youngest sister!! 

But I will make the most of it and try not to get upset or frustrated about it! 

GBear, thanks for your kind words. I really hope they can find a solution/reason for your fluctuating heart rate soon! Good Luck for today I will be thinking of you. Just remember today isn't just about saying goodbye, it's about remembering a wonderful person and all the joy and happiness he brought into your life! Take Care Hun!

, hope you aren't  feeling too rough after your Chemo! Just think that's another one ticked off! You are doing great Hun! Xxx

, I hope you are doing okay? You've gone quiet again. Hopefully it's because you are busy having fun and not because of anymore visits to hotel NHS! Xx

, how you getting on with your Chemo? Hope things are going okay. Although you do seem to be superhuman! I'm sure you walk more than all of us put together and that's while you are on treatment! You are an amazing lady! Keep going my friend. Xx

toxophilite, Karen I hope Marmalade is doing okay and he continues to improve slowly! Lots of Cat snuggles over the weekend might be in order!

To all the other Fruit Loops. Hope life is treating you well. I think a lot of you are getting back to your old lives, which is fantastic! Just don't forget to pop on now and again to say hi and let us know how you are doing! Oh and don't forget the meet up in November! It's not far away now!! 

Love and Hugs to all you Special Ladies. Sal xxx