Does anyone else dislike the Macmillan Brave the Shave campaign?

Thanks for posting the link . Very interesting article . 

Hope you are all well out there !

X 

I've skim read the article and it appears she is doing precisely what she is critising others about. Not sure of the point to this at all apart from getting into a national newspaper. 

I skimmed the article ...what more does anyone expect from the Daily Fail? 

Hi, this could sound incredibly rude, but I shaved my head for another charity &

donated my hair to be made into a wig. The girl who revived my hair was called Lucy. It is not wrong to want to shave your head to support a charity, I am (in the future) going to shave my head because Lewii had to before he died his terminal cancer destroyed his life and he wanted people to shave heads. People are beautiful with or without hair. You don't have to have cancer to not have hair, it is not acceptable to judge people based upon their actions to HELP a community.

I don't think it's rude - maybe slightly defensive, when many people on this thread have said it's Macmillan we have the issue with (for coming up with the campaign & the way it's been promoted). The fact the actual shavers mean well and are raising vital funds has been acknowledged many times on this thread.

However, in the end, this is a breast cancer forum and therefore, breast cancer sufferers and survivors should feel completely entitled to air their feelings and I feel it's really important that we do so (actually, Macmillan seem to agree with this).

We are all unique individuals with different opinions, experiences & outlooks on life.  Personally, even though I know I'd still be loved by those close to me, and I really don't care what others think of me or my looks - least of all complete strangers - it would be the feeling of watching my own standards literally being washed down the drain and not by my choice, that would devastate me - not worrying whether I was thought attractive by Joe Public.

For these reasons, having someone I've never even met declare that 'Everyone's beautiful with or without hair' wouldn't particularly comfort me in that moment because, even though I know you mean well, to me, my opinion of how I look is far more important than yours. As others are different, perhaps they would be comforted by such a phrase or would feel some kind of 'solidarity' in the fact you had a shaved head as well - many of us wouldn't and we have a right to say so.

I think most women will have tried a very short-cropped hairstyle at one time or another and we therefore have a good idea as to whether the look suits us.  Some women can look amazing with no hair, especially with the right makeup - some of us don't.  Again, perhaps it's not the case with you, but every woman who I've known 'brave the shave' has suited the look - and they had a good idea this would be the case from past short haircuts. The shave is also sometimes done like a ritual, with the shaver's friends all chanting 'Off! Off! Off!' (If that's not tasteless & insensitive, I don't know what is).  Most importantly,  it makes it seem like something anyone should be able to do - no big deal - akin to throwing a bucket of water over your head.  However, losing their hair is a big deal for many women and people claiming 'it shouldn't be - we're all the same underneath' doesn't necessarily help or show real understanding.

I don't think we should try to determine 'right' from 'wrong' on here. My position of support is that I would normally agree with the philosophy 'it doesn't matter how funds are raised as long as they're raised' but I think the one exception to this is when the campaign upsets, offends or trivialises the feelings of the very people who stand to benefit.

Dear rainbowhairgirl

When I started this thread, my issue was not with the people choosing to raise money for charity by shaving their heads.

My issue was with Macmillan - the "brave" the shave and the advert showing happy smiling faces while people had their head shaved.

It (the campaign) felt insensitive to me and I wanted to see if other chemo patients who had lost their hair felt the same.

Macmillan have acknowledged our feelings and committed to consulting Cancer Voices in more detail about this campaign, for which many of us are grateful.

In no way was I judging or criticising people like you - and time and again on this thread people have said the same.

At the end of the day the purpose of this forum is for people who are suffering from breast cancer and dealing with the horrors of treatment to be able to freely express their feelings, share experiences and support each other.

I'm sorry if you feel judged, this was never the intention and I'm sure we would all applaud people raising funds for charity.

Well said Judyr58 

Brilliant post

The Sunday Times contacted me. Of course, they published such a teeny tiny quote that they made me sound ungrateful.

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/cancer-survivors-dismiss-bravery-of-charitys-head-shave-fundraising-vfmh7btr8

Here what I actually said:

It’s hard to write this without sounding like a bitter ungrateful old bag! I am not that at all and am often hesitant to comment negatively lest I appear so.

Fund raising is a wonderful thing and lord knows, without it I wouldn’t be here today but sometimes people get it wrong. Macmillan raise vast amounts and for this I am truly grateful but the wording this time was wrong. There is nothing brave about shaving your head! I understand it’s something people frequently do in support of friends or family and that Macmillan felt it would be an opportunity missed but that word BRAVE…no, it’s not. Shave your head, shave your eyebrows, pull out your eyelashes, endure surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, hormone therapy and all the never ending, permanent side effects of treatment and even that’s not brave. We have no choice. It’s that or die…not much of a choice.

This is what I wrote in the Macmillan forum:

I hate the campaign. There is nothing brave about shaving your head and I love the term "hero martyr".

When I see people doing this I want to say "Oh cool, well done. Now you need to have six months of chemo and surgery...not so brave now, huh?!"

I'd rather people just gave the money.

When these brave souls look in the mirror do they see a shaved head, money raised and even feel a little smug? When I looked in the mirror I saw a life threatening illness.

I was not aware of the Marks and Spencer Bra Strap campaign so I looked it up. Hmmm…I should think it was very upsetting to those women who no longer have anything to put in a bra. Even reconstructions (as I have) don’t sit well in a bra.

On top of all this, the nature of social media can make it all so much worse. The “look at me” culture, the filtered selfies really rub it in. It’s easy to take a selfie of your pretty bra strap, with your hair looking lovely and your skin soft and dewy. It reminds us of what we’ve lost. Also, the amount of people joining in with trending hashtags, contributing nothing is galling.

I do not wish to sound bitter nor ungrateful but if I sound resentful, I am. I cannot stress enough how grateful I am to people who raise money for research and care. Twenty years ago my cancer may well have killed me. Because of these generous people I saw my son get married, I had coffee in the garden at 6.00 am today, I will have another forty years of garden mornings with my wonderful husband (I fully intend to reach 100!) But please, don’t rub it in. Don’t remind me, don’t make me feel a lesser woman.

During my treatment I wrote this on my blog:

Not angry…

I’ve realised it’s not anger I feel, nor injustice, nor even WTF? but resentment.

A couple of months ago I was unaware that I had breast cancer. I was fit and healthy, stupidly happy, had reached a very good turning point in my work and was loving it. Finances had been tight but TB and I were just getting it all sorted.
Life was blooming good!

I think a lot of us keep quiet about feeling like this because we should just be grateful for our treatment (and I am) but I hate that my life has been changed FOREVER. I loved it just the way it was, thank you very much xx

I am a big believer in Pay it Forward and two or three times a year I donate a portrait for a charity to auction. This makes me feel good, very good but never brave.

Regards

Rebecca

Hi RebeccaT

I was also contacted by the Sunday Times but decided not to comment as my experience of the media is that they edit and use comments out of context - but in my case that I was also very cross that the way I had been contacted was through this forum. This reporter had joined our forum and contacted me by sending me a friend request which I considered highly unethical to say the least, and breaches the terms for membership. I contacted Macmillan and they have been removed.

Anyway - that said, I love your post which eloquently says it all. You didn't sound ungrateful in the article - you said it as it is.

The article in the end was reasonably balanced - and the main thing is that the fundraising team had already committed to do more research.

I'm still hopeful (ever the optimist!) that they will put their fundraising funds (it must cost a lot to run campaigns and there can't be an unlimited pot of money) into other methods to encourage people to donate money - this has always been my aim.

I am also a pay it forward lover - and love how you personally do this through your art.

I'm really proud that I have been successful in applying to be a Macmillan volunteer trainer - to both pay back and pay forward in the future.

I've been horrified at some of the stories I've read about how people here are treated by their employers. So when an advert popped up looking for people with my type of experience to train and facilitate session with HR and line managers to be better equipped to understand and support people affected by cancer in the workplace (including our carers) this was definitely for me. Just need to complete my treatment now - chemo tick, therapeutic mammoplasty tick, radiotherapy to go......

Like you I am, and will always, be grateful to all the fundraisers that made my future possible and hope to be here for a long while yet and get back to my scuba diving soon!

Take care