How do I stay positive for my husband?

Hi S Moss

I had just shared a couple of blog links on your previous post that might help you gain some perspective here.

As you say it's early days. You've had the world turned upside down and inside out on you and it's only natural that your emotions are all over the place. I was exactly the same two years ago. I cried oceans of tears...some days I still do but my track record of getting through those rough days is pretty good and so will yours be.

Don't be too hard on yourself here. As I say in the blog, it's the most resilient among us who cry and show the emotions. It's far healthier than bottling it all up so let the emotions flow naturally.

My kids were 20 and 22 when their dad was diagnosed but we were open and honest with them from the start and they have been absolute superstars throughout, my son in particular. Kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for. As parents we just want to protect them but let them help you both through this. It'll make it all a little less scary in the long run if you tell them the whole truth.

Take things slowly til you get your head round things. Take things one step at a time. Break the day down into manageable chunks of time. Take it an hour at a time on the tougher days (I use this technique on daily basis and it helps)

It is hard to be positive, I'll not lie but be led by what your husband needs here too. Mine wanted to be on his own quite a lot in those early weeks. He would disappear off out for a walk and be gone for hours. It was his way of coping with the diagnosis. Now his way of coping is to run. He always did run but he's run over 2000 miles this year. It's almost as if he feels if he can't run then he isn't living, if that makes sense. 

None of us can predict the future here. No one knows the exact timeline but where possible make memories and do things on that bucket list if you can. Initially I thought my husband would be ill but once he had recovered from the surgery and 6 weeks of treatment, physically he was fit and well. He's been skiing in France with our daughter, he's been to Paris with me for a few days and walked the legs off me! He ran a PB of 3:15:28 in the Manchester marathon and now has his eyes set on a fresh PB in the London marathon in a couple of weeks time. He's living pretty much a normal life except he doesn't go to work and can't drive anymore. Yes there have been adjustments eg he has a read out loud option for his laptop as he can't read anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though we know that this is all going to end way sooner than we had hoped life would, life is still there to be lived.

Ok, feel as though I'm waffling now but hopefully you get the gist of what I'm trying to say.

As I said before, take time for you. Having that "me time " is essential. Do the things you enjoy doing if you can eg go to the gym, go for coffee with your friends. You need to do things that help you to recharge your batteries. One of my key coping mechanisms is that I journal. It's a simple and effect way of getting those emotions down on paper (no one else need ever see what you write so you can be brutally honest) but sometimes seeing the words down on the page takes the fear and the power out if them. Try it.

Breathe. One step at a time. Sending you lots of positive love and light and hugs

Wee Me xx

Hi wee me, thank you so much, I just sat and read most of this to my hubby…. You are being so helpful. I’m going to start a journal see if that helps. I’ve taken a cpl of months off work…. Do you work? I’m really nervous about going back x

Hi

you're welcome. 

Yes, I work full time but I'm lucky that I can work from home. My employer has been great throughout this and has been really flexible and understanding. Initially I was off a few days here and there but so far I've not taken any extended leave. I guess it depends on your own situation and job. I'm a team manager for a large bank.

I'm also an indie author outwith the day job.

I find keeping working and writing give me something to focus on other than my husband's illness. I like the routine that work brings but I'd be lying if I said was working at 100% of my best all the time. I do try to pace my day wherever possible to allow time to catch my breath.

I have been back into the office a few days here and there but find it quite overwhelming as everyone, very kindly, wants to ask how things are etc and I find myself repeatedly having the same conversation. It gets easier every time I'm in though.

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Hi, that sounds like you have it all worked out, you are lucky you can work from home. I work in a primary school as a teachers assistant so I’m surrounded by beautiful children, I love my job.
Thankfully I’ve  been signed off and I might take some more time off as Scott starts his treatment soon and has no driving license now!!! So I will have to drive him.

I will have to go to work soon, but am so nervous about it as I’m an emotional wreck and with over 100 staff looking at me with the I’m so sorry face….. not sure I’ll be able to cope, but I do know it will be good for me to get something else to think about. At the moment I’m just going about looking at my husband crying!!!! Not the best xx

one step at a time..

The first day I was back in the office I went in for an afternoon to catch up with my boss face to face. It was the first time I'd seen my colleagues in the flesh since before lockdown. They were all so kind (not really the I'm sorry faces I'd been expecting- more like the "I care but I don't know what to say" faces) I had to go through the whole saga start to that point five or six times in the space of three hours. I held it together- just - but when i got to the front door on my way out, I broke down. I sobbed my way back to the car. 

I sat in the car and gave myself a bit of a talking to and reminded myself that that was 5 folk I didn't need to tell next time.

You'll know when the time's right and as you say, those kids will keep you going.

x

Will let you know how I get on x