My mum had her scan on Mother's Day and the next day she was told the news. She tried to shield us from the truth but on the day of her operation the surgeon let slip what he thought it was, Grade 4 Gliomas but we'll know more when we get the biopsy results. She is now home and recovering well to say she's had major brain surgery. She's starting to eat more and time is just ticking waiting for the next steps.
Now for the selfish bit... I am so angry that for years now mum has been told she has vertigo, she also has passed out a few times over the years too, Then told it's inner ear crystals. Absolutely fobbed off by her doctors! Her last appointment before being sent for an MRI the doctor asked why are you back again, you need to sort the crystals out and do the head movements!!
I know life can alter on a split second but this has absolutely floored me. I don't know how to function and be there for my own children, my husband and I don't know what to do about work because I can't afford to not work but I can't concentrate.
I don't want mum to feel like I'm suffocating her either by being at hers the whole time as she has her partner there but I only feel calm when I'm with her. When I'm not the anxiety is so real and I've been fortunate enough to have never dealt with these feelings before so this is all new to me. Weight is falling off me and although I needed to lose weight I know this is not a good way of doing it. Sleep, what's that, my brain won't switch off.
Oh and if one more person asks me if I'm ok, I will scream!!
Before I stop my rambling, my mum has no idea about how I am coping as I'd never want her to worry more about me because I am sure amongst all the worry about herself already she's worried about leaving us all. How the hell does anyone cope with being handed a sentence like that...
