My mum had her scan on Mother's Day and the next day she was told the news. She tried to shield us from the truth but on the day of her operation the surgeon let slip what he thought it was, Grade 4 Gliomas but we'll know more when we get the biopsy results. She is now home and recovering well to say she's had major brain surgery. She's starting to eat more and time is just ticking waiting for the next steps.
Now for the selfish bit... I am so angry that for years now mum has been told she has vertigo, she also has passed out a few times over the years too, Then told it's inner ear crystals. Absolutely fobbed off by her doctors! Her last appointment before being sent for an MRI the doctor asked why are you back again, you need to sort the crystals out and do the head movements!!
I know life can alter on a split second but this has absolutely floored me. I don't know how to function and be there for my own children, my husband and I don't know what to do about work because I can't afford to not work but I can't concentrate.
I don't want mum to feel like I'm suffocating her either by being at hers the whole time as she has her partner there but I only feel calm when I'm with her. When I'm not the anxiety is so real and I've been fortunate enough to have never dealt with these feelings before so this is all new to me. Weight is falling off me and although I needed to lose weight I know this is not a good way of doing it. Sleep, what's that, my brain won't switch off.
Oh and if one more person asks me if I'm ok, I will scream!!
Before I stop my rambling, my mum has no idea about how I am coping as I'd never want her to worry more about me because I am sure amongst all the worry about herself already she's worried about leaving us all. How the hell does anyone cope with being handed a sentence like that...
HI
a warm welcome to the online community. So sorry to hear about all that's been happening with your mum. Life's too cruel.
I supported my late husband through the three years of his stage 4 brain tumour (glioblastoma) so I can empathise wit the emotions you are experiencing.
Firstly, you are not being selfish so don't ever feel that addressing your own emotions here is selfish. It's not. And to be blunt, to get through this, you need to be a wee bit selfish now and again. It's important to take time for yourself to recharge your batteries.
Anger is perfectly normal at this stage of your mum's journey. Not knowing the full picture will be adding to this. The feelings of anxiety are also perfectly normal too so please don't beat yourself up about those either. We are human being and it is strongest and most resilient among us who show our emotions. By showing them it means you are processing them and are not bottling things up.
The "are you ok?" question was the one that never failed to make me cry. Even still it can make me cry.
One of my key coping mechanisms throughout G's journey and to this day is journaling. Have you tried it? Writing everything down can be so cathartic. Sometimes seeing the words written on the page takes the fear out of them too. If you've not tried it, give it go.
I've written a few community blogs for MacMillan and would like to share a few with you just now as they may resonate-
Caring for a partner with a brain tumour – a Community member’s story - Macmillan Online Community
“I’m fine”: how do you really cope as a carer? - Macmillan Online Community
Music speaks – how music can help us get through difficult days - Macmillan Online Community
This is a safe and supportive space so please reach out here anytime. There's always someone about to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and to offer a virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone. We've got you.
It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
If there is anything I can do to support you please just ask. I'll be 100% open and honest with you based on my experience.
For now though I am sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of strength.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
