Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Jkee I think the same but Les has just been talking to me about his dark thoughts now I am in a mess worse than ever. Gosh jkee just wish we could talk properly and let our feelings out xxx

Good afternoon ladies just reading your messages and can’t believe you are still going with this terrible disease for your husbands. It will be 2 years in April since I lost Kevin and we were we started messaging each other Maggie. A lot has changed for me but you are still struggling on and Jkee too. I cried myself to sleep lastnight as it would have been Paul’s birthday today and how I miss him too. I don’t think I would have got through it all without daughter Sally and councelling from the hospice. I am so sorry for you all as it seems never ending and wish I could wave a magic wand. Things don’t get easier and I hate living on my own but can’t change anything. I am sending love and hugs to you. I still don’t think they realise the effect it has on partners and you have to bate the brunt.

Helen xx

Hi Helen.  Personally I think you were amazing through both of your bereavements. 2 years gosh that seems to have gone so quick.  So sad about Paul and it being his birthday.  Just raise a glass to him and Kevin and yourself as you are a very brave lady.  When you feel crap just come on and vent your feelings. In fact everyone is amazing going through this and loved ones who are suffering and have suffered. 

I have a cup of tea so I will raise that to you as well xxxx

Hi Ladies!

How are you all doing? Helen (Torry) good to see you here again. Yes you and I both this June will be 2 years already since I lost Jay and this coming Wednesday (12th) would have been his birthday and then 3 days later William my son gets married. Going to be a bit of an emotional week for me I think. It has just dawned on me the last week or so that his dad (Jay) won't be there. I have been fine on the lead up to it with it being months away but suddenly it's this week. Don't know where the time has gone. But in saying that Sandra (Nicole's mum) won't be there either they lost her just last April to stomach cancer so they both won't have a parent there for their special day. I've decided I will give a speech in Jay's place I know its not the done thing at weddings seemingly, that the groom's mother says a speech, but the rules change from time to time and in this day and age I think anything goes. I just want to acknowledge the absence of Jay and Sandra and to wish both William and Nicole well. I've been arguing with myself whether I want to do it or not and I am all for doing it and just hope it goes well. 

Jay's cousin phoned me last night just to find out if I was ok. She is looking out for me and I think knows how things will be for me on Saturday. She was telling me that her brother's wife now has bone cancer and they can't cure it but it can be managed. She had breast cancer a few years back and got through it but seems now it is back but this time in her bones. She's coming to the wedding on Saturday so no doubt she'll tell me about it.  Jeez when is it going to end!! 

I am at the hospital with Margaret tomorrow she has to see the pharmacist they are putting her on another tablet for her heart. No word of her operation yet but I'm not bothering and neither is she I said to her just let them come to you don't you go to them. They'll let her know soon enough. 

I got a letter from the GP last week my cholesterol levels are too high. I went for a check up a couple of weeks ago I go once a year in my birthday month but for some reason I didn't get a letter until January and my birthday is November. So anyway got the as I call it the MOT done bloods, blood pressure, weight and urine sample. My weight has stayed the same but they want me to alter my diet for the time being. I hardly eat as it is and I asked William about it he said you have maybe cut down your eating mum but it's what you're eating I eat oaty biscuits and granola squares a lot but William said these can be full of sugar and syrup. He said don't go by the scales its how you feel if your clothes feel slacker then something is working. He said what the nurse said going to the gym I have probably just built muscle. I've not had an Indian or Chinese takeaway for about at least 18 months or more. They were a big thing with Jay and it was like every weekend. 

Maggie and Jkee I am so sorry to read what you both are still going through. Both your heads will be everywhere. Yes Maggie I get it with Les and you too Jkee with Simon. Jay was exactly the same with me. At one time I couldn't do anything right and everything was my fault although you knew you were only doing your best and trying to help but of course at times you didn't know if it was just the illness making him be the way he was not much fun lying there with bags attached to you everywhere. The pictures of your doggies are so adorable. Well as usual ladies sending you all hugs and strength. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Hi Helen so pleased you have popped on where has the time gone it is scary knowing I will be on my own in future going through this for 2 years has been brutal but even though we know this is terminal you still have hope daft I know. I am sorry you are really suffering you have had a massive lost you are still in our thoughts xx

Hi Vicky gosh you are brave doing a speech not sure I could but how wonderful it will be a sad day for you but I hope you get to also enjoy the day I am sure Jay would want you to. I will be thinking about you it is nice to have a happy occasion in the family for a change for you stressful as I am sure it has been praying for sunshine for you xx

Thanks Jkee!

My tummy is doing backflips just now and it's only Monday. I'll be on the floor by the end of the week. So looking forward to it but then so `bittersweet` too without Jay being there he so wanted to see this day but of course cancer had other ideas.  Everyone is telling me though he will be there and so will Sandra maybe not in body but in spirit. Yes looking at the long range forecast on the BBC weather website and for Glasgow this Saturday seems it will be dry but cold- still only February of course. I'm so sorry I keep forgetting that Simon is terminal I know how that feels your head will be everywhere but as you say you just keep holding on to that wee bit of hope that a miracle will happen. I was just in denial at the end I was convinced Jay was going to come through it every `good day` seemed to give that bit more hope that he was getting better because on good days he was just like his old self so I think it was a false sense of security that everything would be ok but then the `bad days` were horrible when he just couldn't do anything for himself. I'm thinking of you and Maggie all the time. Take Care.

Vicky x

Vicky you will do a great job on Saturday and why not make a speech to add those who are no longer with us. Take something of jays with you and then you will know he is beside you ie. A watch or a ring and hold it tight. We will all be thinking of you on Saturday but please just enjoy the day for William.  Les is terminal now but like jkee I ignore it as it is the only way I can get through with having no one close to chat to only on here. 

off to chemo with Les now.

you all take care and sending love ️ Maggie xxx

Thanks Maggie!

Yes I intend to do that with my speech. I already have a few things of Jays on me just now I constantly wear a silver bangle I got him after his first operation and I have a chain round my neck with his wedding ring and one of those dog tag things you can wear I got him for his 60th and a little heart pendant with a little drop of his ashes in it so in a way he will `be there` with me. Oh dear Maggie I am so sorry that Les is terminal too now you and Jkee will both be going through the mill. God love you both. It will be hard but try to stay strong you will both find your own way to get through it. Thinking of you both and as ever sending hugs and strength to you both. 

Vicky xx

Thank you Vicky. I am right in thinking you have piles and if so do they bleed xx