Anyone know what the next step could be?

Hi Sarah. We have had members in the past who were unable to have general anaesthetic because of heart or other problems. In these cases, the TURBT procedure was done under a spinal block, which doesn't involve GA. Something your FIL may like to ask about. Best wishes.

Hi Rily

Thank you-I can’t believe I didn’t think of that considering I’ve had 2 myself! I’ll definitely suggest he asks about that option. All the waiting as we all well know is so frustrating. He is on a heart medication from when they discovered an irregular rhythm incidentally some time ago and should have been referred to cardiology then, but was “forgotten” in the system. 

I’m quite concerned that he may have ignored any symptoms for some time before being “forced” to go to the doctor. I see quite a few changes to him generally, and signs that he is clearly having some major issues, and has been, potentially for a long time. 

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah. Sounds a bit like me. I missed, or ignored, early warning signs, so mine was very advanced by the time I went to the GP. Got through it though and so far so good. Best wishes.

Hi Riley

I buried my head in the sand prior to my own diagnosis, so I can understand if my fil has done this too. He concentrates on caring for my mil who has dementia and probably ignores his own health. I think he may have an an incontinence issue of some sort, and he’s certainly lost weight recently-I see him suddenly looking a lot older. Hope they can get to the bottom of whatever is wrong and get him sorted out. 

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,Hopefully now your father in law is being referred to cardiology he can get some more tests.The TURBT may be able to go ahead with a spinal anaesthetic.I’ve had a TURBT postponed because of heart problems.Mine are due to the inflammatory condition recurrent Pericarditis.At the pre op assessment for a TURBT the ECG showed some abnormalities.The anaesthetist was not happy and referred me back to cardiology.After tests and a break of a few weeks the TURBT went ahead under GA as the heart had settled down again.Best wishes to your father in law.It sounds like he needs some thorough investigations.Love Jane x

Hi Jane

Thanks so much for sharing your experience, and I’m glad yours settled enough to have the GA. It’s so difficult getting information out of him about anything-I guess that’s his age and not being used to sharing personal stuff-he’s 77 and so used to concentrating on his wife. We’ll just be glad to get some answers and for him to be able to get any treatment he needs. To be honest we are expecting a cancer diagnosis of some sort, although I know we shouldn’t really anticipate anything before we know for sure. It just seems inevitable. 

Sarah xx

From what you have said Sarah it does sound concerning.I know I would have got my cancer diagnosis sooner if I hadn’t been concentrating on looking after mum.It must be similar for your father in law caring for his wife.Your own needs tend to be pushed back which isn’t good.Fingers crossed he can get some help and answers soon.Would there be any one to care for your mother in law if your father in law needs more tests or treatment ? I reluctantly had to put mum into respite care a couple of months before my diagnosis.There was no one else to look after her and she wasn’t able to manage at home alone.Love Jane x

It’s going to be very difficult to manage everything if there is a cancer diagnosis and treatment, as my mil can’t be left on her own. We can cope short term with a 48 hour hospital admission-my partner will go and stay overnight with her and bring my mil to our house during the day for me to be with her, but that’s not an option in the long term. The worry is that he will tell social services that my partner will manage everything, but with a full time job, that’s just not possible. I’m not very mobile either so would be no help if she were to fall. She’s only just had her cast off after breaking her wrist falling on the stairs at home. 

Luckily we do have a downstairs loo, as our stairs are very steep and we don’t have a spare room, so there is no option for her to stay with us. I feel that we will have to be honest with social services and say that we need help if it comes to it, but I imagine my fil may be resistant to that. So many things to worry about, and I realise I’m rushing ahead with my thoughts, which I advise others not to do, but I think it’s just being realistic about what we might be facing. 

Sarah xx

 Hi Sarah,We had our front reception room turned into a bathroom for mum and she slept in the lounge.She would never have moved here if she had known she was going to have a brain haemorrhage.It’s not a suitable house for a disabled person.My partner cannot get down the garden here and struggles with the stairs.Mum did have a stairlift down to the kitchen/garden level.When I contacted social services I explained I couldn’t cope.Mum could have had carers letting themselves in but she was not happy with that idea at all.It used to annoy me that medics/social workers assume that everyone has a huge support network.It was so difficult with mum as I only had my sister who works and my partner John who is disabled.Between us we muddled through but it wasn’t easy.Occasionally an elderly friend of mum’s would come over to sit with her if I had a hospital appointment.In the last few years we had to take mum out with us when we went shopping.It was not safe to leave her home alone as it had been previously.Mum was happy enough in respite care as she liked the staff and we were able to visit often.You do have to be honest and firm with social services.Our last social care worker was very helpful and got mum into the nursing home where she ended her days.As horrible as it is to have to think of these things having some kind of plan will help even if it’s not needed immediately.Love Jane xx

Hi Jane

It’s so difficult isn’t it? Our house is a Victorian terrace, and not suitable at all for being disabled. We don’t have a support network at all, so things will be extra hard. My stepson will be able to help with driving to hospital appointments etc, but that’s about it.

We had to manage completely by ourselves when I was ill, and then recovering from my surgery, and it was incredibly hard. No-one offered us any help at all, not even the in laws who will now expect us to step up! We will help out as much as we can, but will potentially need extra help for them so you’re right-although it’s horrible to think about, we need to have some ideas in place just in case. There always seems to be something to worry about! 

Sarah xx