My operation has been delayed as my blood is still too low... haemoglobin...further blood transfusions. I was fine to go ahead but now this delay has me thinking twice. Rechecking whether I really want this. It's an awful lot to go through, I am on my own having lost everyone I love, my mother has early stage Alzheimer's, so I am now questioning what it is worth going through and why. I will have the responsibility of my mother which has been a constant problem when it has come to my treatment...I had womb cancer and the tumour removed in January...I live in her house, she was asked if an assessment for help could be done but she refused...this leaves me with full responsibility. The future with bladder cancer is constant monitoring, I live over twenty miles from the hospital and have two hospitals for check ups...one for the womb cancer and one for bladder cancer, I have very little money, do not drive, for efficiency not wanting to leave my mother for too long I have taken taxis which is unsustainable finance wise. Personally I have now more reasons not to go through with further treatment than I have to go through with it. I have no time for myself with my mother constantly demanding...even an evening watching a film is ruined because she keeps asking why they're doing this or that ...if I don't respond gets unpleasant. She is constantly repeating herself, her complaining goes on and on ...she fell in the garden today and I had to get her up which has not done me any good. I am seeing all the negative sides to life, or what life I will have, none of which I would look forward to even if I did not have cancer. In a sticky patch here for someone who is usually overflowing with optimism.
