Just wanted to share a thought provoking comment & conversation I had with my Oncologist at my appointment yesterday..
I'm 21 months after treatment and off I went for my "chat!" To put things in perspective although I'm generally doing well and so far am NED on scans, I am suffering with significant rectal bleeding due to radiation proctitis, have had one treatment with purastat and due to go into hospital again next week for a second dose/treatment. Our conversation centred on how the treatment was going and how I was, my reply was that I was ok but "waiting" for things to improve... mistake, the word that provoked the following conversation was WAITING ... The lovely man, who I get on very well with & have the utmost confidence in, picked up on this and asked me what was I waiting for? I stumbled a bit and explained that I hoped that eventually the bleeding would settle and I would be back to normal.. never thinking or realising that this would be a wish unlikely to be fulfilled! He then questioned me on what my "normal" is now and what it was before diagnosis. We had a long conversation about how diagnosis and treatment of anal cancer impacts your life/health , and how life will never be like it was before and by "waiting" I was wasting precious time ! I left the consulting room, feeling grateful to him, positive and determined, with a sense of clarity over where I am and how to move forward ... it certainly wasn't clear in my head that things wouldn't be the same but can still be good and fulfilling. The consultation put into prospective life for everyone not just individuals living with a cancer diagnosis. I have said before, anal cancer treatment is undoubtedly brutal, but is very effective and now almost two years on I do see a bright light at the end of the tunnel, hope it is shining or at the least flickering for you all too.. Sue xx
Hi Sue, thank you so much for this post.
I think regardless of the cancer diagnosis we’ve had or treatments that it’s taken to get us where we are now our normal post treatment is destined to be different to our normal pre treatment. To survive this disease a large portion of us have to go through surgeries, chemotherapy, radiotherapy or as with us here both of the latter & sometimes all three! & these treatments are ultra toxic, this will not/cannot leave our bodies in the same condition as before.
I have a couple of friends that have gone through treatment for different cancers & are left with some kind of prolonged side effects, some more severe than others. It’s a case of trying to get your head around the fact that this is the way it is, I’m not saying don’t seek professional advice on improving these things as so many of these lasting side effects can be improved upon but some things will stay forever changed. 5 years on yes I still have some stenosis, I still have fragile skin & the odd ache in my hips & back but I’m thankful that I can poo without yelling, I’m thankful that I can walk my dog & then go do an 8 hour day at work, I’m thankful that I can travel with my daughter & so many more things. I for one am so grateful to be where I am today. Keep the faith & may that light just keep getting brighter for you.
Nicola
