Pain on (attempted) intercourse

Following with intense interest...........

Still Hoping for Sex Suz

Hi Irene

Thank you for starting this post as it is so important.  I cannot help on the solving for you and hoping for positive replies!  I mentioned in a previous discussion that I had managed to get to the third size dilator but given up on fourth! Still using every couple of days. My skin still feels so tender in the area and so can't imagine even attempting sex but so hoping this will change!  When I mentioned to my nurse a few weeks ago she just said that's a shame but still early days and gave me the Jo Divine website for lubricants and various other items on there that might help - say no more!

So you're not alone Irene and hoping you get some helpful replies its something that needs to be talked about. 

Carole x

Carole, my skin still feels really tender there too more than a year down the line; like you we didn't even attempt sex until fairly recently but I never imagined that the skin outside would split.  My husband is really patient and we cuddle a lot but still...

Irene xx

Hey Irene,

I, too, used the dilators very regularly for many weeks after treatment, but like you, I too have had the skin tearing issue with a little bit of bleeding after intercourse.  What has helped is lots of arousal, so foreplay, steamy book, etc., and lots of lube.  I’ve used YES, and I’ve used Slippery Stuff.  My friend, the physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor suggested coconut oil, which is fine if you’re not using condoms.  I haven’t tried the coconut oil, but my doctors did approve of that as a lubricant, too.  Maybe you could ask about trying coconut oil?

The PT told me that if I notice tearing or pain, get back to the dilators daily.  A friend who just passed the 4 year NED mark with almost the same diagnosis as I (YAY HER!) told me recently she’d been off the dilators and hadn’t had sex in some time because she had COVID, and it felt like she was starting over when she attempted intercourse again, so I think regularity and consistency may be the key here.

I don’t know if that helps much, but in the spirit of all of us getting back in the saddle (in all ways, @ridetbred) , I just thought I’d chime in to say we should all get an A for effort and persistence!

Best wishes,

Red

Also, you’re right about those dilators!  I mean THANK GOODNESS men don’t look like that!

Can I just say my husband would be OVER THE MOON if regularity and consistency were the norm!  I am so relieved (but obviously not wishing this on you) that someone else has experienced this.  I will definitely try the coconut oil first and then will go back (albeit really reluctantly) to the dilators.  Thank you Red!

x

You’ve gotta love these men who, despite knowing all we’ve been through and having seen us at our absolute worst, are still over the moon for a chance at regular and consistent sex!  Yay for great partners!

I’m rooting for y’all!

Red

Hello Irene75359 

Same boat here. I’m 53 and 18 months post treatment. Obviously immediately post treatment sex was the last thing on my mind! But by the following summer so about 8 months later) I felt compelled to make a bit of effort (poor husband has been a patient kind soul).  And the testosterone gel my GP gave me certainly vavoomed up my sex drive so much so I had to have a break from it ). Vagifem (oestrogen tablets that are inserted into vagina to help combat dryness and delicate skin). 

Anyhoo I used the dilators (I purchased the silicone ones which were mahoosively better and kinder to my skin - I have the same thing - my delicate skin breaks down there sometimes even just wiping after going to the loo!).  

I found on here some tips like using some oil to make the skin a bit more supple (I use coconut oil) along with the dilators and eventually sex (though very difficult still to go all the way in - *cringe at so much info* - but if it helps even just one person it’s worth it) - let’s say we had a fun summer! We used liberal amounts of lubrication and that seemed to be absolutely key to help the delicate skin  

But once we got back to rainy old England (we live in France in the summer) I must have left my newly invigorated sex drive behind   So am going to start the whole process again. Have only just been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (really what I don’t need after just recovering from cancer but hey ho) which means my thyroid is being attacked by my own immune system hence hormones have gone awry and sex drive has again plummeted. And because I was feeling so awful I had stopped the testosterone - which had helped more than I could ever have hope for) so I’ll be starting those all up again now that I know it’s ok to start again)  

For those of us on HRT you can request some Testosterone gel (improves flagging sex drive and energy) and another thing is the oestrogen pills (called Vagifem)  that are inserted into the vagina which helps lubrication and the skin! So do ask your GP about this! Lack of oestrogen down there can be really detrimental and as this is inserted directly into the vagina it means it gets to work quickly and safely (as it’s not ingested) and all ages can use them.

So persevere (and I’m reminding myself that too! In fact I’m off to start the regime again today!!!)  and take your time and gently does it.  Hopefully this will help some of you 

PPR x 

ps I used “fractionated coconut oil” available on Amazon which is a light and easy coconut oil in a pump dispenser 

Pretty Pink Roses, that is so helpful!  Thank you so much, I have made a note of all this and will go to see my GP.  Thank goodness we have this forum to share information, this will save me so much time.

I am so sorry you have other health problems to deal with now and hope that you are getting all the help you need there.

Thank you again.

Irene xx