Physical or Mental?

I am so sorry to hear the hear the chemo did not work out as planned. I have had two ops and both have been extremely painful and have not worked out. I pray that will be ok.

Oh, my dear, you're probably reeling on all levels, aren't you? I think listening to your body and resting as much as you can is wise. Are you tired while you're awake?

The fight metaphors worry me sometimes. Yes, we ARE in a battle, and yes, we DO have to fight.

But not all the time. Fighting keeps us in a high adrenaline place which isn't good for healing. Quiet and rest and tuning in to what wisdom our bodies have to share with us is also a necessary part of the ongoing 'fight'.

Never hurts to talk to a professional just to gauge the situation, but I wouldn't jump to anything worse than 'Apparently I need more rest right now' considering all you've been through and are facing.

Maybe if you frame it, not as 'I'm not fighting back' but 'I'm marshalling my resources' you can rest without so much worry.

My heart to yours!

Suz

Hi Suz thank you for your response and it really does make perfect sense. Sad thing is I felt the best I had for 8 months just before latest update. I think you are spot on and will just listen to my body rather than feeling guilty. I do feel tired when awake in answer to your question. Could that be because my mind and thoughts are in overdrive? Consultant has said I am fixable so should perhaps try and draw on that instead of heading off to lots of what ifs! I wish you continued good health and thanks again for the advice. xx

I read (sorry I can't provide a link) that a cancer patient doesn't 'fight' cancer (although the phrase is so widespread).  Rather their body is the battlefield and the oncologists and the drugs are doing the fighting.  I rather identify with that view, so please don't berate yourself for not 'fighting', you certainly won't be punished by being lethargic.  You have had some very unwelcome news and also undergone a course of extremely taxing treatment which some people take a long time to recover from.  Be kind to yourself, hold on to what your consultant has told you and please keep us all updated with what is going on.  As you said, it can be very lonely during this journey, but not on here the forum, we are all on the same journey.

Irene xx

Hi Suz,

You’re definitely on to something in this post!  I agree that it’s not necessarily helpful to look at cancer treatment as a “fight” all the time!  How exhausting, as you and MiniM66 note!  When I reflect on diagnosis, treatment, and now recovery and survivorship, I think I have approached more as an athletic event, sometimes an endurance event, sometimes a high intensity event.  Haha!  As in, train—eat right, drink water, rest, exercise as I’m able, and attend to psychological needs, all things I’ve done many times in my ballet career, and then later as I tested through the increasingly demanding levels of self-defense.  The stakes are just so much higher in cancer treatment.

I did use imagery of some really deadly special forces soldiers teaming into my veins during chemo infusions.  I imagined my own immune cells as soldiers, a good army, but one that was getting the fast, hard, highly effective help of the elite soldiers of chemo.  Now those special forces troops are gone, and my own army can do the work again.

”Marshalling one’s resources” is a great way to place the intensity and urgency of a battle metaphor on cancer diagnosis, but to allow us to REST within that metaphor!  Ultimately, even troops in battle need rest and time to regroup…this is how wars have always been won.

As a side note that’s not in your post, but related to the cancer metaphors we so often hear (often from people who’ve never experienced cancer)—I also don’t prefer the phrasing “cancer journey.”  I think of journeys as something so much more pleasant, something embarked upon with enthusiasm and CHOICE…a cancer “passage” is not ever something someone chooses, it’s something to “get through,” and hopefully add to one’s wisdom as we do.  But anyway, that’s for a different post.

Best to all!

Red

I agree, Irene…our job is provide good raw material, a good “battlefield.”  A battlefield slanted toward OUR soldiers!

Take care!

Red