Hi all,
srghhh I feel like my recurrence anxiety is taking over my life. I’m booked to go to Disney world in May and I have my 9 month check up in 2 weeks. I’m terrified and over thinking everything. I’ve found that I’ve had a new anxiety for each scan. First scan I had pains around my liver area and was convinced it had spread - that pain vanished after scan results. Second scans - had pain in my groin, convinced it was in my lymph nodes. Now I’m getting a bit sore if I have a hard stool and I have had a couple of occasions of blood. I’m terrified that because I haven’t had a scan my oncologist won’t have those to reflect back on and when she examines me she’ll opt for another EUA just to be sure - and I honestly don’t think I can take the anxiety of that again after having to have one a week into a new job.
I just feel like every time I have something to get excited about cancer puts a huge dampener on it. Everyone says it gets easier, but I feel like it’s getting worse. I’ve had a referral for counselling but still not had my first appointment sent through.
I Finished treatment in June last year and my cancer was t2 n0 m0.
please don’t come back cancer! I’ve given you so much of my life already! Including the possibility of a sister or brother for my daughter! She has now created an imaginary sister which just makes things harder to take!
Hi Arightbumdeal,
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. The anxiety surrounding scans, check-ups etc., can get the better of us all at times and it can play tricks with our minds & as you’ve discovered you can feel physical symptoms with this too. You’ve done the right thing in accessing counselling if you’re finding this is an ongoing issue although unfortunately sometimes it’s not a speedy process. If you feel you need someone to speak to right now before your counselling appointment comes through please give the Macmillan helpline a ring, I would also speak with your GP & explain how this is affecting your day to day life & how you’re struggling in the hope that he/she may be able to speed up the process of your counselling. Touching on the loss you feel in not being able to have more children will be something you can speak to your therapist with too, I can only imagine this must almost be like a grieving process. We’re always here if you need support.
Nicola
Thanks so much Sue. That is much appreciated 
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Hi again Arightbumdeal, yes I do especially after a difficult bowel movement, I must say that at almost 4 years post treatment the bleeding doesn’t happen very often now though, in the early days it would happen quite frequently & I was always alarmed by the sight of the blood! I’ve always been reassured by my surgeon & oncologist that the bleeding, unless heavy or prolonged is most likely small tears in the new, fragile, internal skin. If I have a difficult bowel movement now it almost feels more like muscle soreness so I think that’s probably stenosis. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is normal for me now & I can cope with that as long as I’m cancer free.
Nicola
That’s brilliant news Arightbumdeal, now you can relax & look forward to your holiday. Have a wonderful time.
Nicola
