Count down

Hi Linz17, if you ever find out how to avoid thinking & worrying, please share the secret recipe.  You might become the most popular person on the planet;)

We often see the words “emotional rollercoaster” used about cancer because most of us go through exactly the same as you.  Yesterday I had my monthly phone call with my palliative social worker & felt total despair cos nothing has helped the constant intense feeling that I need to be on the loo & I’ve lost the belief that it’ll ever change.

Then after lunch I had my regular walk & did a personal best (since cancer) of 10000 steps - inspired by Bottom56 (thank you Ruth).  Felt positive again.

Upsy downsy.  Fall down, get up.

Roll on Monday!  Good luck  xx  Toni

Dear Linz Toni8776The waiting game nearly over for you now.... waiting is awful as it gives too much thinking time. 
ive just got back from the hospital from my follow up CT scan, had MRI last week. Now got to wait til 26th for result Going back to hospital made me realise the journey we all go through, it is tough both physically and emotionally. But we can beat this!!  I’m over half way through my walking challenge now, managed every day so far, raised £3,600 plus gift aid which takes it well over £4,000 and feeling stronger and fitter every day!! Plus going to the loo isn’t hurting as much!! Hooray. Keep going, Be strong, be brave, be positive- thinking of you all.... I still chuckle at your surgeons name Linz, I hope Louis is behaving well xx

Linz17,

The waiting is the worst! Being in limbo makes me feel like I have no control over the situation, but the treatment will give you something to focus on. (My mind tends to go mad when I'm in limbo waiting to get on with it.)

You've done so well so far - take it day by day and be proud of your strength. We all have had "crumble" days and moments, and this has nothing to do with defeat.

You've got this!

Sarah 

Thanks Sarah I hope your well  Xxxxx

• Ruth that’s an incredible achievement you must be so proud of yourself ... I am of you  wish I could find the on off thinking switch but sounds like everyone is exactly the same .. which does bring me comfort !! Feel like I’m going mad sometimes! 
  That’s an insane amount of money you’ve raised absolutely amazing ! I’m so glad to hear your feeling fitter and stronger . How long is it since you finished treatment? 
  louie is fabulous...... forget he’s there half the time ... we did have an incident a few weeks ago when I’d started taking co codamol ( I’ve since had to stop ) but of course classic symptoms of constipation  so I’m my wisdom I took a laxative and prune juice ..... does anyone know what a tanker looks like ...... luckily I wasn’t firing bullets !!!!!! Xxxxxx

Well done Toni8776 that’s fabulous news !! Your sooo right about the emotional roller coster one minute I think I’ve cracked it .. then the next I’m blubbering into my coffee .. but I’m just letting myself go with the flow I can’t stop it so I won’t try . Well done you though .. you’ve done amazingly well Xxxxxxxxx 

12 weeks post treatment Linz!! I now feel fairly normal apart from toilet habits Just hope it’s gone!!!
How far are you from the hospital you go to for treatment? Ruth 

That’s great to hear Ruth ... did you hear anything regarding your pet scan .. I’d be quite happy not to hear ... something less to worry about ?? Ermm on a good day 20 -25 mins  I’ve added on a picture to my previous message regarding the tanker business!!!!! Xxxxx

Hi Linz17 I think scary40 has put it very well, we all have our ‘crumble’ days, it really is a life changing experience that we’re all going through and it wouldn’t be ‘normal’ to be emotionally resilient all the time. I totally understand how you feel about your planning scan, I’ve been referred for a MRI on my hips due to stiffness after radiotherapy. Already I’m wondering-will this show anything sinister up?   This anxiety is unfortunately part and parcel of a cancer diagnosis. Crikey prune juice and laxatives? I dread to think!! Bev x

Hi Linz17,

I agree with much of what’s been said on this post. We do get emotional & I think having gone through what we have & are going through this is only natural & to be expected. Cancer, for me, stole all trust that I had in my own body, I’m not sure if that will ever completely come back but I’m sure as time passes this will build again. I’ve always been very aware of my own body but I’m hyper aware now & I think this is the legacy this disease has left me. As you say Linz17 if you pay attention to how many people are around us that have beaten this disease, I have a few friends & work colleagues that have had their own battles & most are through the other side back living their lives again. 

Well done Toni8776 on achieving a PB of 10,000 steps & Bottom56 huge well done on the fundraising, you should be very proud of yourself. Linz17 the mental images of the prune juice, laxatives & tanker made me lol (sorry if the lol was inappropriate) thanks for that  

Nicola