So scared - anxiety peeking

Oh Debh1

I’m not surprised you’re feeling this way. Waiting for the treatment to start is awful. Just 2 more days to get through and you’ll be on the road to hammering that tumor. 

Those what ifs are awful and sadly don’t really go away although they do become less frequent. I still have them now 12 months on. Don’t beat yourself up Deb the reason we all have this cancer is purely down to bad luck, it’s as simple as that. As for the treatment, it will work! It worked for me, it’ll work for you. Every time you have that thought say out loud IT WILL WORK!!

Life dose change after a cancer diagnosis you will have a new perspective. Whilst I wish it had never happened to me a lot of good has come out of my experience. 

Deb if you’re really struggling please phone the Macmillan helpline, tel no. is at the bottom of this message. You will feel better as a result. 

I’m thinking of you and sending strength. 

Sx

Hi Deb,

I feel for you I really do! I echo everything that Sarah has said on her post & I remember those feelings like it was yesterday! The run up to beginning treatment for me was almost as bad as the diagnosis itself, I was totally dreading it, but rest assured once it starts on Monday things will begin to settle down for you again. You imagine that you’re going to suffer every side effect & symptom of the treatment to the worst degree where in reality although it’s not a walk in the park so to speak you won’t & just look at us all that are here back living our lives very close to how we were before, in some aspects better! What you’re feeling is typical of high anxiety, having a couple of close family members that have suffered with serious anxiety I know exactly what you’re talking about, the sweats, nausea, runaway irrational thoughts that you seem to have little or no control over, I’ve seen them all first hand & the physical reactions you can have to high anxiety are very, very real for the person that’s suffering! I found for those few days before treatment began I was better ‘out than in’ if I was out shopping, walking the dog etc., it seemed to give me more control over my emotions. As for the ‘why me’ question if we’re all honest that’s something we’ve all asked ourselves, I know I certainly did, but the reality is we’ve done nothing at all to deserve this have we? 

This is why we’re here on this forum, for support & advice from others that are a little further down the road. I really wish I could give you a hug & tell you everything will be ok. As Sarah has also said a cancer diagnosis does change you it gives you a slightly different future to maybe the one you had in mind but for me it’s a better future, I’ve let a lot of stuff go that I now realise wasn’t really important, I’ve made new friends, some real some virtual, my friendship group is much smaller as now I realise who my real friends are & most of all if there’s something I feel like doing I don’t sit pondering on it for an age I just go do it. 

Don't ever apologise for posting on here, we all understand.  

Nicola x

Hi Deb!

Firstly, you must never feel that you have to apologise for your emotions. As Sarah and Nikki have said, anyone with any cancer diagnosis is going to go through an emotional wringer to some extent.

I had my diagnosis over a week ago and I'm waiting for my RT appointments to start. I've always been a bit of a buttoned-up type. I mean, I can and do weep at the drop of a hat but I rarely let that affect the way I treat people. Recently I've found myself shouting and swearing at my 82 year old Dad!

You know that your dark thoughts are inappropriate because we all know that the prognosis is great. So, when those dark thoughts start popping up, take Sarah's advice and say out loud "THIS IS GOING TO WORK OUT FINE!"

Pick up the phone and call the Macmillan helpline.

Make an appointment to see your GP.

Talk about your fears when you see your specialist to start your treatment. 

The Macmillan helpline, your GP and your specialist have spoken to loads of people with fears and dark thoughts similar to yours.

Everyone on this site is wishing you well and hoping that you find peace!

Hi Deb

I think everyone on here understands where you are mentally atm. 

I was very bad myself before the treatment especially. 

Once you start though it will give you some purpose and routine. You will meet a lot of people in the same position and things will start to feel a bit more normal and far more doable. 

1 in 2 people will get some kind of cancer in thier lives now. It used to be 1 in 5. Don't waste any time wondering why you. It's certainly not your fault. 

I know reassurances only work for a short while, until you get another doubt or feel emotionally week. I am very similar to you. Ive told you that before. I promise you will start to feel more together when you start. 

Come on here anytime and everytime you need to. Im happy to answer any and all questions you have as often add you like.

I got through it with far less drama than I was expecting. Which means you can too.

Ian x