When does it get better?

Hello again Julescariad

I think we all felt the emotions you are describing in the early days. It's a shock, we are trying to process and in limbo waiting for treatment to start.

I also had a stoma fitted pre treatment and it was a real positive game changer. I gained weight and had less anxiety about going to the toilet. A stoma really helps going through chemoradiation, no painful BMs and rushing to the toilet with diarrhea. Hope you feel the same benefits.

Great that you have reached out to Maggie's, have you also spoken to Macmillan?

About being positive, we are human and these emotions have to go somewhere, so don't 'beat yourself up'. Some things that helped me, I limited research time. Distracted myself with hobbies and chores in readiness for the fight.

The whole process became a task, getting prepared and ready for the fight. I gardened, walked and got lots of fresh air. I don't think it matters what you do, it's about giving yourself the time to be sad and then using positive distraction to lift your mood. When treatment starts it will be much easier, you will have a routine.

You will find a way through this, just give yourself a little time.

Ally xx

Hello Julescariad,

 I wanted to say how sorry I am about your diagnosis. It’s not surprising that you are reeling and in a state of shock. It’s a lot to take in.

I have heard so many good things about Maggies and you did really well to get there. I finished treatment in November 24 and mine was T2N1 and remember feeling absolutely devastated. I think what you’re feeling is completely understandable not least as you only got your diagnosis yesterday. 
Please try to hold on to some hope. Chemo radiation is really effective for anal cancer. As you’ve just been diagnosed I imagine you haven’t been linked in to a team yet, or a MacMillan nurse. 

You could definitely do with more support right now and would strongly recommend calling MacMillan or your specialist nurse. All the focus seems to be on getting the scans done but I do think that the psychological sledgehammer of the diagnosis sometimes gets overlooked at times. 
We are all here for you. 

Huge hug to you xxx

Thankyou, Ally. X

You're still in shock hun'.. it's not time to fight.. it's time to be gentle with yourself.... to allow yourself to settle into this new reality.... to look after yourself, and to allow others to look after you too... think of this as a grieving process... shock anger, bargaining.. all this you'll be going through (in no particular order!)

I often wonder where the idea of needing to "fight" came from originally?  This is what I think.. the "fighting" is going to be done by the surgeon, the oncologist, and radiologist.. that's their job.. and they have BIG weapons at their disposal for that "war"... our job is to give ourself grace, give ourselves kindness and care.. learning how to feed our bodies well to give it the best chance... of moving our bodies to help give it the strength as it goes through this fight... to make time to meditate, do yoga, have massages, or whatever practices are going to help US relax and balance our nervous systems as much as we can...  does that sound like fighting? I don't think so.. it sounds to me like loving gentleness... compassion and nuture. 

So, forget about fighting, and instead start learning NURTURING. That's winning xxx

That’s beautiful. I cannot express how much your words, and your time spent supporting me, means. Xx

Hi Julescariad  & welcome to the MacMillan Online Community although I’m really sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. 

What you’re dealing with now is the complete shock of your diagnosis, it’s an emotional rollercoaster definitely. You’ve done the right thing in reaching out for support both here & at the wonderful Maggie’s. There’s so much information to take in at your diagnosis appointment & those appointments that follow there’s no wonder you’re feeling the way you do. 

 AllyL  is so on point with what she’s said about limiting doing your own research into this at this point, this often leads you to google where a lot of the information is either outdated or just plain incorrect. I also agree with distraction, it can feel all consuming but try & divert your attention elsewhere for at least short periods of time, my concentration was shot when I first got my diagnosis but I took myself out of the house & walked for a bit, even if that just meant a stroll around the shops & a coffee somewhere. 

There’s a whole bunch of us here that have been where you are now, we know that feeling of desperation & despair, lots of us are now thankfully through the other side back living our lives & many of those lovely souls have stuck around so please remember we’re here to help support you however we can. 

Sending you a virtual healing hug. 

Nicola 

Hello Sapphiesmum 

Apologies if I have offended you by using the word 'fight' in my post, so much so that you have had to reiterate it and turn it into a negative.

I respect that you have your viewpoint and your own way to manage your diagnosis, but please respect my journey.

We all have our own ways of managing this horrible disease and we are all facing different outcomes. So let's embrace our varied viewpoints and continue to support our diversity.

Wishing you every success with your treatment.

Ally xx