Infertility & support.

Hello, I just want to reply to say i’m so so sorry your dealing with infertility on top of all you’ve been through with your treatment. I just came on here hoping to find support for infertility after ALL and so to see your recent post is such a coincidence.

My husband had ALL which resulted in a bone marrow transplant in 2005 - he was just 20. He froze sperm before his treatment which we have been using for ivf but we’ve just done our 7th attempt and we’ve had no luck so far. We went into this process thinking we needed ivf because of his medical history but it turns out that even thought I have no obvious signs of infertility and using 20year old (frozen!) sperm, ivf still isn’t a cure. We’re basically classed as ‘unexplained’ which is the most frustrating thing as you don’t know what to try next for the best. 

We’re not exactly a story of hope I realise but I just wanted to share because our experience shows that no one is to blame for infertility - there are SO many variables in the process that it’s often impossible to say why it doesn’t work. I’ve realised that even the doctors don’t know why it’s doesn’t work most of the time. I completely understand why you feel to blame, we’ve absolutely been in that headspace too, first my husband felt so guilty we were having to go through this and since it’s become clear that his sperm is ok quality and actually we can’t seem to get an embryo to actually stick around, i’ve felt that sense of shame and guilt for continually letting us both down. It’s a total headfuck.

I’ve found speaking to a specialist fertility counsellor to be really helpful and we done a few joint sessions which have also been really good to discuss these kinds of feelings - do you have any support like that? My husband struggles a lot because his friends don’t have the emotional intelligence to ask how he’s feeling and he feels like he lost a few friends during cancer treatment because they didn’t know how to support him and now it’s happening all over again. 

also if you’re ok to discuss the details of your treatment then I might have some suggestions in terms of things we have tried over the cycles we’ve done. Completely appreciate you may not want to share details but I feel like a bit of an ivf veteran now (lucky me!) so if there’s anything you want to know about where to turn next I may be able to help or point you in the right direction