lonely hurting tearful

Let the tears flow, try to find something to bring you a little respite for once the tears stop, even if it is as simple as stepping outside and breathing in some fresh air. 

Would you be able to ring the helpline or use the online chat in order to let some of the pain out and feel heard? Have you used the Macmillan counselling (6 sessions funded with Bupa)? 

In the meantime, keep typing if it helps x

Hello pixieperson 

I am so sorry to read that you have been let down by the only person in your life - but you need to be strong - now is the time to push on - pick yourself up and remember - we have all had those "dark days" where everything has gone against us

You have been strong enough to come on here and have your say - and no one will fault you for that - this is the place for it - but then it's time to close the room door and move forward. May I - if you don't mind put a few ideas to you:

* I know you said you are incurable - have you thought about joining this forum Living with incurable cancer forum - patients only . To do this just click the link I have provided and join the forum - there you will be able to connect with people in the same or similar situation as yourself.

* As B74 said in the post above, we have free counselling and a link to this is here: https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/emotional-help/bupa-counselling-and-emotional-well-being-support

* We have the Macmillan Buddies - have your own Buddy to speak to each week - again the link is here https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/emotional-help/macmillan-buddies

And don't forget - no one fights cancer alone - if you are feeling like you need that bit of extra support give our help line a ring on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) - there are some great people there.

We are all here for you - if I can do anything else for you just let me know.

Best wishes - Brian.

i made cup tea and stood in garden it helped ,thankyou . 

its the intensity of the emotions and tears is draining and headache inducing .

 pixieperson just wanted to send you some positive vibes. Hope you are doing ok

Thankyou,

some times feel just dazed ,lost

some days hurt so much, tears, so alone

i found a bereavement /any losses place not far from where i live  which i will go to ,with a connection to counceling too. after an initial chat realised i have also not dealt with my cancer and treatment or a whole load of other things i have been through .

it all weighs very heavy right now.

i will see how it goes .

That sounds supportive; I am currently on that therapeutic journey again and find it helpful to have somewhere to offload where I won't be judged and I can say how I am actually doing without having to quickly retract and say something that is more socially acceptable. I really hope you find it lifts some of the heaviness from you. If ever you want to chat, feel free to message x

Hi Pixieperson - I know you posted a couple of weeks ago but I've just read it and wanted to reach out as it was like I'd written the post myself.

My partner of six years left halfway through my treatment and I still feel devastated 6 months later. We lived together and whilst we'd had some difficulties we were planning our future together and I thought it was forever - I adored him.

I've had exactly the same thoughts as you - what was the point of fighting when my life was now so empty. I felt very guilty and self-indulgant feeling like this but that's the reality of my head. Kind of crazy to be more upset about my relationship ending than about the awful cancer crap going on.

Anyway, it may not help but I just wanted to say that whilst I'm still unhappy with my situation it is getting a tiny bit easier each week. I still have days where I just cry and cry but they are becoming less - I am trying to do lots and have started a couple of new activities which were out of my comfort zone but I'm now glad I joined. 

I'm a middle aged woman with three kids and a previous marriage that didn't work. One thing I take from my life experience is that anything can happen but any pain usually gets better.

I hope you're doing OK but feel free to message if you want to chat.

Take care

Hello Zedd11,

Thank you so much for connecting with me and sharing with me. When i read your post i felt a little less alone and that i am not the only one with all sorts of thoughts in my mind.

losses and rejections impact hugely, grieving the losses. its devastating when people walk away from those suffering cancer ,treatment and the after , when thats when we need someone to just be there for us , have our backs.i miss the person who was the closest  that really knew me give me a hug ,someone to sit and hold my hand .my soul and  the light inside me ,excitement happiness feels wrenched out brutally. 

reading your reply which is so much the same in many ways to my lot am going through .

still cry a lot ,also happens when out places or just walking about. tried a losses group which sadly only added to my distress .

 i found another group , woman all troubled by something we do a small craft each time so there is a focus on something ,not that i can summon up interest in craft its more just being there amongst people i need ,its early days but promising, each time faces become familiar and small connections being made .i think every time i try something feels out of my comfort zone .

sorry when i write it tends to be a bit rambling and out of any order.

XXXXXXX

Hi Pixieperson, you're not alone in your thoughts and I completely get it when you express your emotions. I'd never been closer to anyone and I feel like he's died as he has completely disappeared from my life. The grief is overwhelming sometimes and I would give anything to have him back. BUT he chose to go and despite understanding his reasons it still was not ok for him to have gone. I keep trying to remember that - yes, I'm lonely but I'm worth more than someone who can treat me like that. 

One of my new hobbies is a woodwork class - I'm a bit rubbish at it but the people I've met are so lovely and whilst I'm busy concentrating on making something I'm not thinking, which is bliss. 

I keep worrying about my bleak looking future but someone said to me the other day - we don't know what joy might happen in our future - I really like that thought and its changed how I'm thinking. I guess our recovery and happiness is ours to create?

I'm glad you're getting out there and meeting people and I really hope things start to improve for you.

I'd love to hear from you in a while and see how you're doing. Sending hugs xxx

yes, i get it exactly the same situation.yes we are so worth much more.

we have where i am mens sheds ,be good and only fair to have a womans shed too for making things  out of wood i am all up for that. 

i have been  woodcarving for about 20 years  the urge to do it comes n goes ,maybe time to restart again. 

Hug to you too

x